Happy Girl

World Tour

2012-01-17T21:10:00.000-08:00

This has become one of the most common things in my life. Every day I commute on the freeway to and from school. And every day it includes break lights and traffic jams. Bad drivers make me so angry and this commute has become a source of stress and frustration.

Remember last year when I decided to do something about my dislike for winter? I went bobsledding and skiing and realized that while I could not control the weather I could control my attitude about it.

I decided that was what needed to happen now. Obviously I can't stop driving as school is in the middle of town and I don't live anywhere close. And obviously I can't ask other people to stop driving because they all have places to be and things to do. And getting me to drive to school at 6:00 in the morning to avoid traffic is completely unrealistic. Like it or not, I can't control the traffic any better than I can control the weather. But I can control my attitude about it.

And I realized that I could focus on other things during my drive.

What I discovered? Well. I'm pretty much the luckiest girl in the entire world because my commute to school is basically like going on a world tour every. single. day. Let's be honest here.

I take a quick drive by Seattle.

Circle past Brazil.

I stop by Rome and hang out with my Augustus relatives for a minute while waiting for the green light.

I wave at the Eiffel Tower.

There time to stay but I can squint and see the good old Hollywood sign.

I stop by Italy again just for a minute, this time in Tuscany, because I just can't resist art and food.

And right before I get to school I stop across from Hofbrauhaus and pretend I'm in Germany.

Then on my home I stop by Hard Rock.

Then I drive past the Great Pyramid.

And I stop by Mandalay Bay and am on a beach in Australia.

I can even go places that only exist in my imagination like the Emerald City (Wizard of Oz).

And Treasure Island!

Last, I stop and see the New York skyline.

Isn't that amazing?
Really, let's consider - that's five continents [plus some imaginary places].
In a matter of hours.

And I'm actually just in fabulous Las Vegas the whole time.

So that's my plan for the next two years. Change my attitude about my commute to recognize that there is an adventure to be had, that there are sights to appreciate. Take time to SLOW DOWN. If I get home 10 minutes later, then I get home 10 minutes later. The end. I don't need to get stressed by traffic jams and bad drivers. Because while I can't control that, I can control my attitude about it.

I'm sure there will be a few days that I still ~~yell and scream~~ politely ask drivers to get out of the way but I hope that overall, I will be a lot more chill, a lot more cheerful when I get off the roads.

P.S. While I love my little world tour, my very favorite part of my commute was this billboard which has recently been removed. It was like my own personal reminder everyday about what was important, what I needed to be focusing on. My commute is an excellent time for me to just sit and chat with my Heavenly Father. 30 minutes or more, uninterrupted time just to express my gratitude for the many blessings I have and to ask for help figuring out the things that are complicated in my life. I'm grateful that billboard gave me that little nudge and helped me start to develop what I hope will become a treasured habit and routine.

*Please excuse the quality of the photos. They were all taken with my iPhone. When I was stopped, mom.

Things of Note

2012-01-12T22:32:00.000-08:00

I didn't have a single post for the entire month of December.

I've been missing this time even longer than my absence in the fall.

I'm embarrassed. But I'm also ready to bring this blog back to life.

2012 is going to be a good year.

So here are some things of note about the last few months:

[WARNING: long post. of mostly pointless and unrelated thoughts. sorry.]

Paintball = Awesome. Megan and Derek came to Las Vegas and we watched the National Championships. It was super fun to spend the day with them and it really was amazing to watch. We played over Christmas with a course we setup in our arena. I'm terrible really. I try to look out so I can see where to shoot and I get hit in the face mask. I'm working on that.

I love grilling. Love it. And I love that my parents have a nice grill so I could use it over break. Delicious.

My mom is in Florida right now. Well actually she's probably somewhere on the ocean. She's on a cruise. JEALOUSY!

There was NO SNOW at home! What the heck?! It snowed for a couple hours on my last day but it's been crazy dry. Our ski resort isn't even open! Sad sad day!

Oklahoma. Hugh Jackman. London. I don't need to say anything else. "Oh what a beautiful mornin'..."

Football is a joy of my life. Aubrey and Riki came down and we watched BSU play UNLV. It was way closer than it should've been but we had a fantastic time. I love watching football. LOVE. LOVE. LOVE. Other examples of why I love football: the BYU bowl game. Oh my goodness. Down to the wire. And then success!!!!! Or the Denver Broncos game last weekend. I totally love Tim Tebow for being open about his beliefs anyway and then they went and made such an exciting game out of it. First off overtime is always exciting. But ending it in 11 seconds? That was yelling at the TV kind of awesome. Plus I was watching with my Dad. Which is my favorite way to watch a game.

I had to work my butt off during the second half of the semester due to my lack of focus during the beginning but my hard work paid off and I got a 4.0!!!!! WOOHOO! That was a dancing around, yelling moment. And I think I only brought it up with my Dad like 30 times over the next few weeks. I worked so hard to study for my finals and be prepared and it paid off. Best feeling. I love knowing what I know now. I watch TV and I diagnosis people. It's fantastic. Also, I'm excited for the new semester. Some of it will be boring as always but it will be one step closer to graduation and at the end of it I will get to start seeing clients!! And I'm taking a weight lifting class which promises to be fantastic.

On the note of exercise. I am embarrassed to report that I gained 10 pounds at the beginning of last semester. For a girl who has been losing for the past few years that was hard to swallow. I stepped on the scale and cried because I saw a number I swore I never would again. But. Never fear. I have a plan. This plan has multiple goals, deadlines and specific rewards. It is realistic and will help me get my lifestyle back on track and in doing so will help me get my body to where I want to be. Updates will come.

I don't really understand the appeal of Xbox. My dad got one for my brothers for Christmas and I just don't get it. Like Call of Duty. I don't understand at all. However, I like the Wii. A target practice game. Sure! Racing cows? Okay! Mario Kart with Tater. You bet. And his attention span matches mine. It's perfect.

Hugo is a magical movie. Magical. I loved every second of it. And even more than that I loved the afternoon out with my brothers.

The best part of my Christmas this year was getting to be an angel in a live Nativity production done by my Stake. I was up on the roof - harnessed in which was so cool. I made some awesome friends and it really helped me focus on the reason for Christmas and the simplicity of the Savior's birth. It is probably the greatest thing that ever happened. I have a picture in my costume but didn't bother to upload it. Imagine a giant white dress. That's it.

My brothers are the coolest. And I miss them SO much. I got to spend tons of time with them over the break and I was not ready to say goodbye. They are so nice to me and are growing up to be such good kids. They are getting so tall though. I am officially the shortest sibling.

I had a lack of gallbladder attack over break. Death in bed for two days. UGH. And it happened right after I made a batch of peanut brittle. BAD TIMING!

I am addicted to the radio. My stations at home are my favorite thing. I could drive all day as long as I have good country to listen to.

I am also addicted to Fruit Ninja on my iPhone. My high score on Arcade mode is 741. I play far too often.

New Years Eve was super fun. And by this I mean the movie New Years Eve. We went out for a girls night to see it. It was a fun upbeat chick flick and I loved it. Why? Well because it all ends happily ever after just as a good chick flick should (except for Zac Efron kissing Michelle Pfeiffer. EWW.) But also because there was a fantastic line that made me so excited for the New Year and for new resolutions. New chances. New mistakes. New successes.

"It's suspended there to remind us before we pop the champagne and celebrate the New Year, to stop and reflect on the year that has gone by. To remember both our triumphs and our missteps - our promises made, and broken. The times we opened ourselves up to great adventures - or closed ourselves down, for fear of getting hurt. Because that's what New Year's is all about: getting another chance. A chance to forgive, to do better, to do more, to give more, to love more. And stop worrying about 'what if' and start embracing what would be. So when that ball drops at midnight - and it will drop - let's remember to be nice to each other, kind to each other. And not just tonight but all year long."

I also loved the real New Years Eve. I was not looking forward to going to the singles activity but I actually ended up having such a fun night. All the boys I used to hang out with in high school are home from their missions and so we all had a blast together. I haven't danced in the new year since high school and I'd forgotten how much I loved it.

Biscoff cookies are the BEST part of flying Delta. They are my favorite, favorite, favorite.

Missionary emails make my day. I miss them so much but it is so amazing to hear how good they are doing!

I am still completely obsessed with pigs. My trip home took me through Cedar City [long story involving new tires and Les Schwab and Provo and a warranty] so one of the things I did with Megan and Derek was go out to Derek's family's house to meet his brother's pig Mojo. I was SO happy to see him and pet him. I love pigs. ADORE them really. So I couldn't have been happier. Family and sister and pig. And later that night - frozen yogurt and Friends. What a wonderful night.

The best thing that has happened to me though happened just this evening. I found out that I GOT A JOB!!!!!! I will be working as a graduate assistant for UNLV's Office of International Students and Scholars. I will be doing advising and managing paperwork and forms for the students who are here internationally. There are several reasons this is FANTASTIC. 1. It's on campus. So it's convenient to my priority which is school. 2. It's an advising position so it will look good as I apply for internships and future jobs in my therapy field. 3. Best of all - it will pay all my tuition AND a $1250 stipend/month. I really love working. I worked all through my undergrad and I am better at time management when I am busy. I couldn't be happier. This will be such a blessing!

So that's my things of note in the last few months. I am sorry for disappearing. I have like 5 posts written in my head so I anticipate keeping up better now.

Makes me wanna....

2011-11-21T18:54:00.001-08:00

I have previously blogged about my love of back roads and Rodney Atkins song "Take a Back Road."

However.

I don't think I ever really appreciated the joy of back roads until I experienced a daily commute through the downtown of a major city. [yes. I take pictures with my phone when I'm driving when I'm at a dead stop. sue me.]

Let me tell you about my daily drive. There are 50 stoplights. A billion taxi cab drivers. Rude people who cut me off because I have out of state plates and they think I don't know where I'm going/will go slowly and get in their way. There are actual out of state drivers who really do have no idea where they are going. There are idiots on cell phones. There are disgusting billboards. There are smokers. There are semi trucks. There are multi car wrecks.

"Sitting in six lane backed up traffic, horns a honkin', I've about had it..." takes on a whole new meaning when it becomes a daily expectation.

I really do depend on my country music to get through it and it makes me want to take a back road so badly. Empty roads with no one but me on them. Driving with my windows down without having to worry about someone judging me for rocking out to my music or worrying about having to breathe in smoke from someone else.

But guess where I'm headed? HOME! I'm sitting in the airport just waiting for my flight home for Thanksgiving and you had better believe that part of my week will be a drive all to myself in the middle of nowhere.

Missing

2011-11-16T00:03:00.001-08:00

Sorry I've been missing for basically the last two months. I really feel terribly about it.

Basically here's the Sparknotes version of what went down:

Moved to Las Vegas
Started Classes.
Met Boy.
Went on First Date.
Went on Second Date.
Started Dating.
Dated.
Dated. [and by dated I mean I was wined and dined. This boy spoiled me.]
Dated.
Had a birthday.
Did just barely enough homework.
Went to the gym like once.
Didn't really get enough sleep.
Dated.
Dated.
Dated.

And then we broke up.
Well, to be accurate, I broke up with him.

And then I started to put my life back together:

Called Home.
Slept.
Prayed.
Cried.
Slept.
Went to the Gym.
Did Homework.
Called Friends.
Prayed.
Slept.
Did Homework.
Baked.
Baked.
Slept.
Prayed.
Did Homework.

And now I am finally getting to the point that I'm ready to start writing again.

My head and my heart still hurt a little bit but I am sure this was the right decision for me right now.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: The details are journaled elsewhere. Much as I love being able to share my life and adventures and thoughts, there are some things that are mine and mine only. Plus. I have nothing bad to say about this boy and wouldn't want something to be misunderstood by someone stumbling across this blog.

But one thought I will share:

Remember when I wrote about making a cake? [If not you should go read it]
I've been thinking about it a lot lately... when I wrote that post I asked myself a question:

"And why settle for a teaspoon of sugar by itself when you can have Magelby's?"

I think that sums up what the past few months were. It was sugar, very sweet to be sure. But it wasn't the whole thing. I don't know if I just don't have all the ingredients I need yet or if I need more practice or if the oven simply wasn't ready at the right temperature at the right time but I knew that this was not going to be the Magelby's cake I want.

So for now I'm back to basics. Scriptures, prayer, homework, the gym. And it will all work out in the end.

P.S. Important thanks to be given:
My family. They are simply wonderful for always taking my calls and listening to me cry and always being patient enough to help me figure out my thoughts on my own instead of telling me what I should already know.
My friends. I am so lucky to have people in my life who know me well enough to know my goals and plans and the things that are most important to me. And I'm even luckier to have those people be willing to bluntly tell me when I'm not being true to myself.
My roommates. In case you didn't know I thrive on hugs. And there aren't a ton of people down here to give me hugs right now. I'm so lucky to have roommates who will give me a hug, a smile, and listen patiently. Even better, they give encouraging words and are cheerfully helping me figure out my day to day. Seriously, tender mercies in my life and I am SO grateful to have them.

twenty two

2011-10-13T17:20:00.000-07:00

[This is a little delayed. I apologize. I feel like my whole life has been a little delayed as of late. Like when I slept for 12 hours, until 11:15 on Wednesday. Working on taking care of me, my body again. Hopefully I'll be back regularly soon.]

Last year on my birthday I wrote:

"I love new beginnings and a birthday is a perfect time to refocus and readjust. I'm setting goals for this year and making plans. I'm literally heading off into a great, new adventure this year. I have NO idea where I will be next year for my birthday."

Well... Now we know! I'm here in Las Vegas. Probably the last place I would've ever guessed to be. And it has been a great, new adventure. But I am very happy and glad to be here for right now.

But before I tell you about my birthday... twenty one things of note from while I was twenty one.

completing the recapturing beauty challenge
traveling to NYC & Princeton
harry potter #7 parts 1 & 2
being on the history channel
interviewing for grad school in Rochester, Nebraska and Las Vegas
going to byu basketball games during the time of jimmer
bobsledding
accepting an offer to attend grad school at UNLV
surviving senioritis
graduating from Brigham Young University
going to Arches with my friends
sending two of my best friends off on missions and majorly missing other ones
spending my [probably last] summer at home
paying off my car
getting a brother-in-law
purchasing a condo [aka getting a mortgage]
moving to Las Vegas
starting grad school
family vacation to lake powell
meeting a boy
he is we, andy grammar, maroon 5, blink 182 concerts

That really ended up being a lot. I'm actually kinda amazed by how full this year was! I felt like this was a really hard year for me in a lot of ways but I think because of that it was really rewarding too. I suppose you can't have the good without the bad, and things don't come without work. I was looking back at my goals from last year on my birthday and I really did pretty well. I achieved a lot of them and I made progress toward the ones I didn't reach. I am really pleased with last year and I hope this coming year can be even better!

So on Sunday I turned twenty two. As usual, my feelings were pretty ambivalent. In some ways, I feel old. I'm a grad student. That sounds like I'm a grown up and know what is going on in my life and stuff. But let's be honest. I totally don't. I expected to be married or on a mission right now. Las Vegas is probably the last place I would've guessed I would be. But I also feel really young. Around here, twenty two is still pretty little. All day people asked how old and their response to my answer was always oh you're so young! enjoy it!

My birthday itself was so fun. We went out on Saturday night to Famous Dave's [BBQ] and to Revolver in the Santa Fe for country dancing. I had so much fun dancing. Country music is my happy place. Sunday was pretty chill. But I had a lovely dinner with S and his family & we went on a drive later. It was a happy birthday for sure.

It's been especially fun because I've been getting mail for my birthday for like a week. I got a card from my grandpa last week and today I got something from Eva [who is in Korea]. Anyone who knows me knows I LOVE snail mail so it's been fun to have so many surprises in my mailbox. :]

Anyways, I've made new goals, new plans. Hopefully twenty two will be as good as twenty one, because it's been an amazing year!

where did september go?

2011-09-30T14:36:00.000-07:00

Did you know that today is the last day of September? And that tomorrow will be October?

You did? It's just me who can't quite figure out where September went? Oh.

Something happened I'm sure. Let's see...

I went to Cedar City and Provo for Labor Day weekend.
[Have I mentioned that I love road trips? I do. And sunset was the perfect time. Goodbye Vegas, hello hugs! I was so hug deprived before getting to Provo!]

I got a second roommate.

I went to lots of church activities.
[FHE, institute, CES firesides, Relief Society. The best one of all is coming up this weekend... General Conference - you can find out more here if you are interested!]

I watched football
[& cried over the BYU v. Utah game.]

I went to an Italian Festival.

I went on a date to a Maroon 5 concert.

I donated blood.

I got dressed up and had dinner at one of the fanciest restaurants I've ever eaten at.

I went to Lake Powell with my family.

I got a paper accepted to the Strengthening the Family Symposium to be held in Provo on October 28 and 29 and found out I get to present at the conference.
[I would LOVE it if you could come and attend my presentation. Friends and family there would mean everything to me. If you would be interested you can click here to register to attend. I'll be presenting at 11:00 on Saturday, October 29. Email or text me and I'll give you a promo code to make it cheaper.]

I spent hours on the road commuting and trying to get used to this city girl thing. [not working super well. Remember how I'm from the country and I like it that way? ]

I fell in love with cactus.

[UNLV's grounds may not be BYU but I really like them.]

Oh, and I attempted to settle into grad school [which is apparently going great since I'm procrastinating a paper right this very second].

So, yeah I guess life has been a bit busy. That's where September went. Sorry that I went MIA for so long. I pinky promise to do better. I promise I'm not dead. :]

I've also been just a little bit preoccupied because there's this boy...
But I'm not quite ready to tell the internet about that yet. :]

quiet

2011-08-31T20:12:00.000-07:00

Remember last year when school started how I tried to take a picture everyday and share it? It only lasted like 6 weeks and then midterms set it and I gave up. But I'm going to try again now. Maybe with my iPhone I'll be better about it?

Mostly I just want to remember the things I am seeing right now. Because everything is new! Everything. Every corner I turn, every sidewalk I take lies some unknown. And I'd like to be able to remember the things I saw and what I thought about them for later when everything is comfortable and familiar.

This is my picture today:

I will admit, it's not particularly exciting. Many of you may even have been here before. But the Las Vegas Nevada LDS Temple was my adventure today.

The drive to the the temple is so different than the area that I am living in and so different from the area around the temple in Provo or in Boise or even London. This drive took me through some ghetto parts of town. I'm talking bars on the windows, graffiti. It was interesting to me to watch the subdivisions change as I got farther out from the city, closer to the mountain and closer to the temple. Though there were still many rundown houses there were also lots of nicer, upscale homes. The landscaping at the temple is incredible. For one thing, there is grass. Green, thick, luscious, healthy grass. I never knew how much I loved or would miss real grass. For another thing there are the perfect combination of palm trees and other things to look excellent. And I love the mountain behind the temple. Granted there isn't a living thing on it. But I love mountains. More than almost anything.

But what I want to mention is not about the physical appearance of the temple though it is beautiful and striking. What was the best part of the temple today was the quiet and calm and peace that was inside. I've noticed this very profoundly inside the Boise temple which is right on the freeway but today it was a very significant detail for me. I have felt hustled and bustled by this busy busy city. It always seems to be rush hour. There are always a lot of people trying to get places and it seems they are always in a hurry. Not so inside the temple. The temple workers moved at a relaxed pace, no need to be pushy or hasty inside the house of God. After I had finished my work I had time to sit and read, to ponder and to be grateful.

Of course, now it's back to reality. I have to stop procrastinating. Because I have homework homework homework. Can I tell you a pet peeve? I hate when you show up for the first day of a class and the teacher has assigned readings that were supposed to be completed before that class period. So by the time you receive your syllabus, you are actually already behind. It's absurd. If you send out an email and inform people that they need to check an online system or inform them of the assignment some other way it's okay. Or maybe once you've had a teacher you could be expected to know what format they use for their class and plan to check online. But the first class in a brand new program? Not cool. So I have two weeks of reading to do before next week. Blah. Welcome to grad school I guess?

Small Things

2011-08-30T22:52:00.000-07:00

It's that time again... the beginning of a new semester, and for me a new program, a new school, a new city, a new ward, a new apartment, a new roommate, a new life really.

I have always been a big fan of fresh starts. I love the chance you have to sit back and reevaluate life, set new goals, try to improve. Refocus. Though this one has been harder than others to be sure. I am far away from everything that I know and I can see very little of the road ahead of me.

But I'm ready. I feel like this new adventure - all of it - will be such an opportunity to push myself to grow. When we were little when we'd go ice skating, roller blading, skiing my mom would ask if we had fallen. Because she said if we weren't falling, we weren't learning. I like that. I'm sure I will fall a few times in the next while. But I will definitely be learning.

My theme for this semester is coming from the Doctrine and Covenants. A book I treasure and love.

D&C 64: 31-33
31 And behold, I, the Lord, declare unto you, and my words are sure and shall not fail, that they shall obtain it.
32 But all things must come to pass in their time.
33 Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great.

I picked this scripture for two reasons. One because of verse 32. I am trying to learn patience. Trying to learn to accept Heavenly Father's timeline as my own. The second is for verse 33. Small things. I am going to try to stop constantly worrying and stressing about the HUGE goals I am reaching for, the BIG dreams I have. Instead I am going to focus on consistently doing small things that can and will eventually help me achieve those. And I'm going to let those be enough. This is my foundation time. The other things will come in their time.

So I've set specific small goals for this semester that I think will help me reach my longterm dreams eventually. They are back to basics, but will be so important to me as I reach for bigger plans.

The picture was from Monday, the first day of school. It's your classic, must-have first day picture. Taken mirror style since my mom wasn't around to take it. :]

My first days have been really good. I am so happy to be a student. I love being in a classroom. Surrounded by eager peers and led by a professor who wants our success. I love the atmosphere of campus. I love the chance I have right now. This opportunity is incredible. I know that classroom is where I am supposed to be. I've been envious of friends serving missions, afraid that I made the wrong decision. But I had a major confirmation that this is right, right now.

"If it was right when you prayed about it and trusted it and lived for it, it is right now. Don't give up when the pressure mounts. Don't give in. Certainly don't give in to that being who is bent on the destruction of your happiness. He wants everyone to be miserable like unto himself. Face your doubts. Master your fears. 'Cast not away therefore your confidence.' Stay the course and see the beauty of life unfold for you." - Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

So here goes everything. The next two and a half years are going to be the opportunity of a lifetime and I can't wait to see all the things they have in store. I am not the same girl who started at BYU four years ago and I imagine that I will look back and be able to say that I am not the same girl who started at UNLV by the time we are done.

More Letters from Las Vegas

2011-08-26T23:20:00.000-07:00

Dear Shoes, I'm terribly sorry about how black and gross you get everytime I even think about walking outside. I guess that's what happens when you live in a city, and a city with not so much rain. I will clean you as often as possible but I'm afraid you will get more beat up than we are used to. I'm terribly sorry. Regretfully, Rachel

Dear girl walking across campus today, I don't know you. Didn't even see your face. But when you turned and said "You look nice" it made my day. You have no idea how much that simple compliment meant to me. Thanks for taking two seconds to say something nice to a complete stranger. Hoping it comes back to you, Rachel

Dear Little Green Car, We are going to be spending A LOT of time together in the next two years. I promise to service you regularly and drive as kindly as possible if you promise to not break down [especially A/C breakdowns] or get in any accidents. Is it a deal? Yours, Commuter Rachel

Dear Body, Guess what? It's time. We were lazy all summer and starting Monday it's back to the gym. Every day. Get ready! Love, Healthy Rachel

Dear East Coast friends and strangers, Be safe. Be careful. Hurricanes are crazy business. Love, Rachel

Dear Provo, Who knew I'd miss you? But oh I do. Life was easier. I wish I hadn't taken you so much for granted. A touch regretfully but mostly nostalgically, Rachel

Dear Heather and Sarah, I'm starting school in a new town and it makes me think of starting our freshman year together. We had such a wonderful year didn't we? So many new adventures. So much growing and changing. Learning and laughing and loving. Was it hard at the beginning? It was, wasn't it? But it worked out in the end didn't it? Maybe that will happen here too? Missing you terribly, Rach

Dear Lyss [and Dan], Thanks for calling the other night. It meant the world. I'm so grateful for your friendship. You two have so much faith and diligence and are so obedient. I really look up to you, admire you. Happy for you and with love, Rach

Dear Eva, You won't read this. Unless I print it and send it. But I am sending all my love to you as you prepare to leave this week. You are so extraordinary. You just dove into this with no looking back and you are doing so well because of it. I'm looking to you as an example as I start school next week. I love you, Rach

Dear Slobbrey Aubrey Laubrey PJ Eggplant Sweetcup, I. miss. you. I need you to make me laugh. To help me put things back into perspective. To remind me that life is what I make it. I can't believe it's only been a year since we met. You are one of my best friends. Love you, Rachie Smachie Pudding and Pie Bob Dylan

Dear Christine, You always always always say the right thing or give me the right talk or offer a hug at exactly the perfect moment. You are an angel and I admire you so much. I already miss our time together, talking, watching a chick flick, baking cookies, being silly. I wasn't joking. Labor day weekend I need a night with you. All my love, Rach

Dear Annie, You won't read this either. But I'll send it so you can. Because I'm thinking about you. The last few days have been hard and so I've been holding onto our plans like a life raft so I won't drown. Who knows what will happen. But in the meantime I'm using them to buoy me up. I am so proud of everything you are doing any. You are exceptional. My prayers are very much with you. Love, Rachel

Dear LJ, I wish you were closer to me so I could get a hug. You give the best ones. Love, Rachel

Dear Lauren, Thank you for always being just a phone call away. You are one of the most loyal friends I have ever had and I am so grateful for your influence in my life. I love you. So much. Yours, Rach

Dear Jessica, Thank you for your text yesterday. You don't know how much just a simple I love you means to me right now when life is so crazy and hard. Literally made the difference between another cry and not. You are the best. And I love you for it. Forever, Rach

Dear Allie [and John], Thanks for always being there. You are a constant source of encouragement and advice and I'm so glad you are always willing to share. Also I'm sorry for your heartbreak. I pray for you. Often. I love you SO much, Rachel

Dear Jord and Sam, Can we PLEASE go back to London? I'll win some money down here and it'll be my treat. You can even bring your husbands. What's that? Right. I don't gamble. Well. Maybe we can start saving pennies? Missing you and Missing Ben, Rachel

Dear Carly, I love hearing about your new town and all but every time I see a new post I want it to say you have a baby! Can you PLEASE hurry up. I want to see pictures of Baby Richardson! Anxiously, Rachel

Dear friends not listed by name, You are VERY important to me. I just don't have anything specific to tell you right now. Except that I appreciate whatever influence you have had and are having on my life. So much of who I am is made up of the experiences I have from people like you. Write to me? An email, a facebook message, a blog comment. Or maybe even a real letter with a stamp! I promise I will write back. Best wishes and love, Rachel

Dear Caldwell Friends, Second Moms, etc..., I'm homesick already. Thanks for keeping up with me on another adventure. Your love and encouragement mean a lot. Watch out for my family will you? Love, Rachel

Dear Sister, I love you. I miss you. I think you are stellar. Hope you are having fun hunting this weekend. Love, Rach

Dear Luke, Thanks for always asking what happened and listening to me patiently when I call crying. You are growing up into such a good brother becoming responsible and kind. So glad you are mine, Rach

Dear Karl Bug, I miss you. Can you please just come live with me? I have room under my bed for a cute boy who gives great hugs. Guess what?, Rach

Dear Anyone Reading This, You make me happy. Thanks for taking a few minutes to read all the way to the end of this. It makes me glad inside to think that people care about what I have to say. Or need something to do. Either way. You are awesome. Love, A happy girl

And Run - Guest Blogging

2011-08-25T13:23:00.000-07:00

I'm blogging over at My Lyrical Life today as a guest blogger for my dear friend Stephanie.

Stephanie and I share a love of music. Her explanation for her blog: "Have you ever listened to a song and thought..."Wow that is exactly how I feel!"? Or have you ever been listening to your i-pod and kept skipping songs until you got to one you felt in the mood for? Well everyday I will be finding a song that matches that day. Some will be spiritual, some crazy, some deep and honest. But they will all be how I feel and what I think."

How many times have I wished for a soundtrack for my life? Wouldn't it be nice if it was like the movies and music just played above your head appropriate to the mood of the moment?

So when she asked if I wanted to do a post about a current theme song for my life I was more than happy to write it. I picked "And Run" by He is We. You'll understand why.

Go check it out!

Letters from Las Vegas

2011-08-24T23:22:00.000-07:00

Dear Kenneth, Thank you so much for helping me transport my belongings from the storage unit back to my condo. I cannot tell you how much it meant. The stress from not having to try to rent something and the energy saved from having help carrying things changed EVERYTHING about this move. You were an answer to prayers. Gratefully, Rachel

Dear A/C Repairman, You are my hero. I couldn't have done another night at 90 degrees inside the condo. No way. Though you seriously killed my budget. Thanks, but ouch, Rachel

Dear Nevada, Apparently you missed the memo so I'll update you. Smoking is bad for your health. Like gives you cancer kind of bad. And it stinks. Like smells totally and completely awful. So maybe you could not do it so much anymore? That would be great. Sincerely, Rachel

Dear Febreeze, I used two full giant bottles of you within the first 48 hours in my new apartment. I'll probably be buying stock if this is any indication of how the rest of my time trying to get the smoker smell out of this place will be. Praying you will work, Rachel

Dear Desert Shores Villas, Why would you build a gate with card access instead of clickers like everyone else? And why wouldn't you have a guest code box? And is the gate really worth anything if anyone can just follow me in and the tire slashers are broken on the outgoing side? Frustrated from waiting, Homeowner Rachel

Dear Vinegar, You work wonders on getting rid of gross things. Wonders. So glad google told me you would help cut through smoke leftovers. Is is a problem though if I can't smell the difference anymore between you and Febreeze? Hoping the answer is no, Rachel

Dear iPhone, I would be completely lost without you. Seriously. How did people move to new places before they had google maps at their fingertips? I love technology, Rachel

Dear Grandpa, Thank you for above mentioned iPhone. Best graduation gift ever. LOVE, Rachel

Dear Doorbell, You make me super happy. Currently you are the best part about this place. Ding!, Rachel

Dear Lawnmower, SO HAPPY to hear you this morning. Now my complex doesn't look ghetto and run down. And you made the grass smell so fresh all day. Happily, Rachel

Dear Ashley Furniture, Why do I have to wait so long for my couches? I really just want a place to sit besides the corner of my bed and the kitchen table chair. You'd think if I spent that much on couches and shipping you could have them here sooner. A kink in my back, Rachel

Dear Sonic, Thank you for Happy Hour. Lemonberry slush = day saved. Love, Rachel

Dear Self, Never put together furniture late into the night. You may accidently make mistakes that you will kick yourself for later. Speaking from experience, Me

Dear Mom, Thank you. I don't have any other words to say what I want to so I will simply say that. Thank you for your time, your energy, your knowledge, your checkbook, your cheerfulness, your encouragement, your constant belief in me. I couldn't have done the last week without you and I wouldn't be able to survive what is coming if I hadn't had your help to start getting settled. You are the best. Absolutely amazing. I am so lucky to have you and so grateful for everything you have done and do. Wish you were still here. More love and gratitude than words say, Rachel

Dear Albertsons, Thank you for having both a Wells Fargo and a Post Office so that I can do all my errands in one place! Super great. But you really could put your prices into a more normal range. Yes? Wishing, Rachel

Dear Sunrise Hospital, PLEASE give me the job, oh please oh please oh please! Hopefully, Rachel

Dear Walmart, Sorry for walking out today and leaving a half full cart. My emotions have been on edge and when you didn't have three things in a row I needed, including the microwave I'd chosen and was in no state to try to decide on a new one, I lost it. Hopefully it wasn't too big of a deal to put my stuff back. Apologetically, kinda, Rachel

Dear Home Depot, Thank you for smelling like fresh lumber. You made my day happier. Cheerfully, Rach

Dear Family, Thank you for putting up with me calling all day long. It's just this darn apartment is so quiet now that Mom is gone and I hate being alone. And I'm tired and don't feel good and have this massive list of things to do still on top of it. So thanks for listening and cheering me up and stuff. You're the best. So glad to have you forever, Chel

Dear Monday, Hurry up and get here please! I want school, a schedule, a routine!!!! Did I just say that?, Rachel

P.S. A wedding post coming. I wrote stuff down but I want more pictures first. Also, a house post coming. But it is still too unfinished to be worth showing right now. Patience and they will come. :]

Reasons I Love My Hometown

2011-07-31T22:55:00.001-07:00

I've loved being home this summer. Mostly because I love my family and I'm soaking up the last bit of time and hugs I have with them before I start on this crazy grad school adventure.

However, I also have loved this summer because I LOVE my hometown.

Reasons why?

1. The View

It doesn't get much better than the view from the middle of 65 acres. I'm telling you. Especially during a lightening storm like tonight. Gorgeous.

2. My Neighbors

Really, it doesn't get much better than having your grandparents, favorite aunt and uncle and cousins all living next door. Best part? You always have people to play catch with a football.

3. Mint Fields

I adore - ADORE - the smell of mint fields. They are a gorgeous green color and I love driving past them on a cool summer evening when they are damp and smell delicious.

4. Cropdusters

There is something so comfortable about the sound of a crop duster flying overhead. Plus they are absolutely amazing to watch. Their daredevilish stunts that are actually their job take me away from the real world for just a moment.

5. My Home Away from Home

I love this house, this family. They are my favorite. My best friend, someone who loves me like a daughter, little sisters I can borrow since mine has bummed out to get married [what's that about? geez.], and the man who cuts our hay. Couldn't ask for more. Especially since their mom let's us invade her kitchen for our girl's night brownie traditions. :]

6. Trucks

Do I really have to elaborate? Trucks are the epitome of hometown for me. Driving, riding in the back. We have a beautiful new Dodge on the farm that I am just itching to drive.

7. Haystacks

Haystacks are right up there with trucks in screaming home to me. But this summer I especially love haystacks because we had a sleepover on top of one. That's me at the back. And you can see the staircase Jess's dad build so we could get up. It was fantastic. :]

8. The Shooting Range

We've discussed this before. But a list of why I love my hometown would be incomplete without me including the shooting range. I thoroughly enjoy shooting things. The only two games I really play on our Wii: MarioKart and Top Shot Arcade [a shooting game].

9. Movies in the Park

Every other week my hometown has been putting on movies in the park. Free. Just bring a blanket or a chair. I love it. I feel all community like and get to have fun too. I see no problems with this scenario.

10. The Snow Cone Shack

This is close to my favorite thing about where I live. I have tried a good many other snow cone shacks and very few have even come close to meeting the expectations set by my snow cone experiences I've had growing up here. Grape. Always grape.

11. Floating the Boise River

What more do I need to say? Except that really it's much better on a hot hot day and not a almost chilly day. We were frozen when we got out. But I love everything about it. The water. The sun. The huge bruise on my butt from hitting a rock.

12. Boise

I love the city. The trees, the downtown, the people. The football team. And for reasons such as the Boise Music Festival. He is We and Andy Grammer live? I don't mind at all. :]

13. Canyon County Fair

There are few things I love more in this world than the smell of the pig barn at the fair. Except maybe the view of the fair from the top of paratroopers. It's my very favorite ride. I just learned so much at the fair. Changed and grew so much. And the smell and the sights and the sounds take me right back. Plus I love my once a year heart attack inducing fair food meal.

14. Back Roads

The thing I love very most about where I live though is the back roads. Windows down, radio blasting on a cool summer night. There is no better feeling in the whole entire world.

Right there in that moment I am the me I like most. The girl I want to be every single moment of every single day of my life. The girl who lets her hairdo gets blown out. The girl who sings at the top of her lungs. Because she honestly doesn't care what other people think right then. The girl whose cares and stresses and worries can be summed up and then carried away in a country song or two.

When I'm in that place life is simpler, solutions are within my grasp and I just don't give a darn what any one thinks of the crazy girl with blown out hair and music too loud. In my car, driving with my music, that's my happy place and I love how much I get to drive on the back roads to get to where I live.

p.s. meg's wedding is this coming saturday. that's why i've been noticeably absent from this blog and why i will be absent for a little while longer. as far as that goes. i still have mixed feelings daily but i'm in a good place. i know that i'm where i am supposed to be in life, doing what i am supposed to be doing and for now that's enough for me. i'm trusting, hoping, and learning patience.

p.p.s. other things worth noting in the time I haven't written: i got an iPhone. i swear it is smarter than i am. but i love it. i saw harry potter 7 and cried through about the last half hour of it. more on this later. i paid off my car. i am totally debt free. [for two weeks til i take out my student loans. but still]. and i have an accepted offer on a house! i don't have to live in a box in las vegas!

Summer Summer Summer

2011-07-07T11:05:00.001-07:00

Stream of Consciousness version of my summer:

I'm still of course working the farm and for my parents. Last week my uncle & his family were gone on vacation so I had a lot more to do. I played vet for a baby calf that is crippled. We are trying to help it's legs straighten so it will be able to walk. If it doesn't it will die. :( So I went out a couple times a day to help it. We also had a horse get tangled in a fence. That was really bad. She kicked at another horse through the fence but got caught and twisted. We had to cut the fence to get her out. Luckily she didn't cut any muscle and looks like everything is healing just fine.

I've also of course been doing a lot planning for Megan's wedding. Things are going well with that. I think it will all work out quite well in the end. I've had a lot of inspiration involving burlap and wheat and wildflowers and mason jars and old benches. I think it will turn out quite lovely.

I've been working on a Stake Committee for our 24th of July Celebration which is going to be our day of service that they asked us to do in Conference. I'm way excited. I also got asked to teach Relief Society. Of course I will.

So I'm constantly exhausted. Even when I sleep for 9 hours and take a 2 hour nap I can hardly drag myself out of bed. I've also been bruising like crazy. I have a huge one on my inner thigh right now. Plus like 5 randoms. The thing is I never remember getting hurt. It just shows up. I promise I am not in an abusive relationship. :)

I took my brother and 6 of my cousins to see Kung Fu Panda 2 on Monday. They had fun but boy was that a handful! I don't actually know how the movie was because with all the bathroom trips, passing popcorn, switching seats, a popcorn refill I couldn't actually pay attention! But they were happy so I was happy.

I am really liking my singles ward. We have a lot of fun. We went on a campout to Cascade that was a ton of fun.

I went to Vegas last weekend with my parents to find my townhouse or condo. It was HOT. I didn't realize that it doesn't cool down at night like Utah and Idaho. Our plane landed at 11:00 at night and it was 95 degrees. GROSS! I've never praised the man who invented A/C more. But at the same time. After 95 it all feels the same. It was 110 on Saturday and I couldn't tell the difference.

We found a couple of condos, one I loved but they both fell through. So currently I'm at square one trying to decide how much money it is worth to spend to live in the area I want to be in and picking new places to make offers on. House hunting = NOT FUN. I found a blog post yesterday that describes my feelings EXACTLY. It's so true. I just want one to work out at this point. And I'm trying to figure out how much work I'm willing to do to fix it up and how much money I'm willing to spend to live in the area I want. Hopefully the next time you hear from me we'll have some more offers in. :]

However, as frustrating as house hunting itself was, I'm also SO excited to live in Las Vegas. My parents and explored from one end of of the valley to the other. Hoover Dam, Red Rock Canyon, the Las Vegas Temple and UNLV campus. I think it's going to be a great two years. :]

Fourth of July is my very favorite holiday and it didn't disappoint this year. Food, family and fantastic fireworks. I couldn't ask for anything else.

Yep, summertime is grand. :]

Rainbows

2011-07-07T10:55:00.000-07:00

Life's been a little hard for me lately. In case you hadn't noticed. Sister getting married. Trying to span the gap between BYU and UNLV. It's a weird time of life. And I hadn't really felt like myself.

The other day we were driving and I saw this rainbow. It's not the best picture ever nor was it the best rainbow ever but it triggered a thought that has meant a lot to me.

Rainbows only come after rain. [Well duh Rachel.] But really. To see a rainbow there has to be a rainstorm.

Sometimes to see some of the most beautiful things you have to weather the storm first. And life can kinda be like that.

It's stormy now. And not a refreshing summer thunderstorm kind of storm. A rainstorm that leaves you wet and miserable and cold. But you know what. That's okay. Because after the rainstorm comes the rainbow. And I'm willing to wait it out for that.

I Love Utah

2011-07-07T10:42:00.001-07:00

Note: This post is late. Sorry. I just haven't felt like sitting on my computer lately or have been busy doing other things. Apologies to those of you just dying to hear about my exciting life. [Crickets chriping.] Oh. Never mind.

Utah. [Insert state song that gets stuck in your head here.]

Once upon a time we went on a family vacation. We were supposed to go gemstone mining in Montana but the combination of bad weather in Montana and my parents wanting to meet Megan's fiance's parents meant that Southern Utah really was going to be the better option. So to Southern Utah we went. We went to Bryce Canyon National Park, which I'd actually never been to before. I LOVED it. We hiked down in the canyon which actually isn't a canyon and has a name that my sister could tell you but I forgot. I thought it was gorgeous and such a unique version of red rock because there are pine trees everywhere. And since we all know that I love red rock I was a happy camper. Literally. :] Although I did get kinda grumpy at one point when I hadn't eaten enough. [Note to future roommates, husband, etc: I get grumpy when I don't eat. I don't need a four course meal. Just a granola bar will make a world of difference.]

When we got back from that we spent two days doing wedding stuff for Megan. Wedding dress. Check. Bridesmaids dresses. Check. Wedding Shoes. Check. It was quite productive.

Then Mom and Megan went home and I moved back into Roman Gardens for a week. It was fantastic. :]

We started with a birthday party for Andrea and Russell who were turning 22 and 23. It was a classic birthday bash with party hats, birthday cake [yes, there are 80 candles in it.], pin the tail on the donkey charades and prizes. We ended outside in the pool. A lovely time was had by all.

Wednesday was the day Eva went into the MTC so I drove to Lehi and picked up Alyssa and then we drove together to Salt Lake to pick up Eva from the airport. She looked positively radiant. So beautiful and so ready to go and serve her mission to South Korea. We talked and laughed all the way back to Provo where we dropped her off. Her flight was delayed so she was late getting there so we got to take her all the way into the front desk. I only cried a little. I will miss that girl so much. She has been a HUGE part of my life since Heather invited her into join our big hair competition early in our Freshman year. I cannot possibly explain how grateful I am to know her.

That night I did senior pictures with Claire and went to The Princess Bride outdoor at the Scera in Orem. So fun!

Thursday night Tayte, Aubrey and I went down to Manti for the Mormon Miracle Pageant. I LOVE the Manti Pageant. I love eating Turkey before it starts and sitting under the temple for the show. I love that it's a little cheesy but so full of the spirit.

On Friday Aubrey and I hung out. Just the two of us. I can't tell you how much this girl has blessed my life. I've said it before and I'll say it again. She was exactly the roommate I needed this year. I adore everything thing about her. Just a peach of a girl.

Saturday I had lunch with Patrick. Just a good catchup with a good friend. And that night Alyssa, Dan, Jacob and I hiked the Y and because Dan was craving it we literally ran down the Y and got J Dawgs afterwards. So much fun.

Sunday was Andrea's farewell talk so we all drove up to Ogden for her. She did such a great job. She is so ready for her mission and is going to do just a stellar job. I can't believe how close we've gotten in the last few months. It's going to be really hard to not have her just a phone call away. However, I will be writing her obnoxiously often and we have grand plans for when she returns. Cruise, skydiving... :]

On Monday I was planning on going home but Aubrey talked me into staying for one more night so we went on a stroll up by Bridal Veil Falls with Nunja and played games at FHE. I really like Aubrey's current roommates Natalie and Christie. They are so nice to let me bum at their house for a week.

Finally on Tuesday I packed up and went home. :]

In addition to all of that I spent the week going back to basics. Scripture study first thing in the morning. Going to the temple. Laying out in the sun and getting warm to the bone. Reading Harry Potter. Spending time just sitting looking out the window. Eating well. And all of that healed my poor broken heart. I'd been spending so much time on edge that I kept crashing and then would spend my time getting back up to the edge and then something else would make me crash again. My little vacation week gave me time to actually regroup, put life back into perspective, breathe. I felt so much more like myself.

And that my friends is why I love Utah. Just don't tell anyone. :]

The End.

My Five Minutes of Fame

2011-06-23T13:56:00.002-07:00

I was on the History Channel.

Which basically makes me famous.

It's kind of a cool story that all started with this blog. The History Channel was working on a show called How the States Got Their Shapes. One of their segments was going to be on religion. Mormons moving west and settling in Utah is pretty significant for the states and so they were going to talk about the LDS church. As part of that they wanted to talk about current LDS culture and BYU as a subset of that. One of the people researching for the story found my blog, commented and we had a series of phone interviews. Eventually they came and me and several of my friends [you can see Alyssa and Dan and Alexa in the clip] were interviewed. You can see pictures from that day in this post.

It's worth noting that in the clip we only talk about dating but we also talked about a lot of other things that are unique about BYU and LDS culture. I swear we didn't spend the whole time talking about NCMOs and DTRs.

Anyways, after a lot of waiting the episode premiered on Tuesday! One of the best parts of the night was when Beth called to tell me that her husband who just happened to be watching the History Channel had just seen Rachel Augustus on TV!

Just in case you missed it, my five minutes [literally - it's not long] of fame.

If you want to learn more about the show you can click here. Or if you want to watch the whole episode click here.

NOTE: The embed and whole episode are linked from hulu which means I'm guessing they will only be available for three weeks. So if you try to click after that and it doesn't work, that's why.

So, really I'm pretty famous. National [cable] TV and all.

However, the life of the rich and famous thing hasn't really been working out for me just yet. In the two days since my TV debut, I've weeded in our garden, changed water [wheel line twice & 4 hand lines], stepped in fresh cow poop [too many to count], lost my irrigation boot in the mud [only once luckily], fed chickens, dogs, cows and a kitten [daily], played vet to a crippled calf [4 times/day], and been gobbled at by annoyed turkeys [always. stupid birds].

My Dad says famous or not, I'm still a country girl with chores to do.

For Memories

2011-06-18T19:49:00.000-07:00

I keep my journal a little bit for me. I like being able to go back through and see what I was doing and thinking and how I've changed. But mostly I keep my journal for my children and grandchildren. I've spent hours reading my grandmother's journal. I LOVE it. I love her simple things, her adventures.

So for memories sake, me as of June 18, 2011.

1. I HATE bananas. In banana bread and smoothies it's okay but really not my favorite.

2. I have an irrational fear of walking into a men's restroom instead of a women's restroom. I will check the labels at least 6 or 7 times before walking in. Even in a place where I am SURE which is which.

3. I love water. Like I'm convinced I should've been a fish. I'd rather be in the water than almost any place else.

4. Water is my drink of choice. Aubrey calls me a drink snob. I don't love carbonation so pop is rare for me and I think it's a waste of calories to drink juice. I like milk but I've had enough sour run ins that I don't often buy it for myself.

5. I love paper. Like to craft with or write real letters with. I have a specific part of my budget that is just for paper so that I don't buy it unnecessarily.

6. I'm obsessively organized. I live by my Franklin Covey planner and I really should be a spokesperson for Google because I love their products: gmail, reader, docs, etc...

7. I love shoes. I'm in Provo for a week and I have 13 pairs of shoes with me [4 of which I bought yesterday]. I'm not high maintenance. I swear. I just like different shoes for different outfits.

8. My diploma says Family Life. Really I studied Human Development. But they won't put my emphasis on it.

9. My favorite color is yellow. Pizza will always be my favorite food. I'd way rather have a sherbet or a sorbet over ice cream. I love blog stalking. I love red rock. I love driving with the windows down and the music blasting. The end.

Also, for memories sake my mom and I decided I should do senior pictures this year. After 4 years it's about time I had some good pictures of me again. Turns out I don't really look exactly like I did when I graduated from high school.

So here's a little of me at 21 as a college graduate.

NOTE: Claire White did my pictures. You can visit her at allthebellesandwhistles.blogspot.com/. You will fall in love with her. And her amazing husband. And their perfect little house. And her darling life. And her incredible art work. I picked nine to share but I could've chosen two dozen others. I LOVE what Claire did. I had so much fun with her and the pictures turned out just gorgeous.

And I like it that way

2011-06-08T17:51:00.001-07:00

Let's talk about country music for just a second. I love it. Adore it.

It regularly can summarize my life quite nicely.

Take Tracy Byrd for example:

I do like it that way. I like my life. [Thank you to my Dad, my Mom, my Uncle Scott and Aunt Jodi for making it so I can live the way I do. I have a spoiled life and I'm grateful for what they do for me.]

We go shooting for our branch home evening.

We go shooting on Friday night. Just because we want to.

It's vanilla root beer. Come on people.

Emily wins the prize for most quoteable of that night:

"Do I have to put my headphones on?"

"I didn't even look. I had my eyes closed."

and

"Wait. Do I have to aim this thing?"

This girl cracks me up.

Also she blogs. Go check her out.

However Aubrey comes in as a close second with:

"I tried in multiple positions and I still couldn't get it."

and

"I'm not your friend or a girl."

I really like this girl. Also. She introduced me too Pterodactyl the movie. So bad it's good.

And let's just take a second to talk about how much I love this girl.

I've known Jessica since we were like 12.

She makes me laugh always. ALWAYS.

She gets me. Better than almost anyone. She knows where I'm coming from and where I want to go.

We can pick up where we left off no matter how long it's been since we've seen each other.

She's probably the person I am still closest with from high school. That's saying something.

I adore her. [And just look at this picture. How could I not?]

We have family campfires and roast s'mores.

And I get to hold a new kitten on my lap.

The fire pit was my uncle's birthday present. On Sunday when I went down my attire was pearls and irrigation boots. I'm classy like that.

We go to Succor Creek for branch home evening and get ridiculously excited to take pictures with the Oregon state sign.

We had hot dogs roasted over the campfire for dinner for this activity. Delicious. Nothing quite like a fire cooked hot dog.

We hike up a steep mountains to caves and slide back down on our bums.

Let's all take a minute and appreciate Emily's face in this picture. Fantastic.

In summary:

I'm from the country and I like it that way.

Growing Pains

2011-05-30T00:33:00.001-07:00

You probably know by now that my little sister Megan is engaged to be married.

If you didn't know then mosey on over to her blog and read the story. It's cute. They will be getting married October 14 in the St. George LDS Temple. Reception in Idaho on October 22.

And just so that we're all proper and what not...

Blog, meet Derek.

Good. Now we have all the introductions and formalities taken care of.

So let's talk about growing pains.

Today in church the speaker told a story about her granddaughter who is about 6 years old.

One day her granddaughter had a terrible pain in her leg. The grandmother asked what was wrong and her granddaughter told her it was a growing pain. Her grandmother asked if she could do anything and her granddaughter replied "No, it's okay. I need the pain so I can grow."

She explained how this relates to us: You need the pain so you can grow. If your life is crappy right now - you're growing.

Can I be perfectly honest with you? I've been feeling pretty crappy at various points over the last week.

Don't get me wrong. I am THRILLED. I am so happy for my little sister to get married. She found someone she loves that she wants to spend her life and her eternity with. She gets to start on an amazing adventure with her best friend right by her side. And he really is her best friend. They are so happy together. They have similar senses of humor, love to work hard and to play hard. He is a gentleman and treats her well. Is careful with her. He is such a good kid. You can tell that he has a genuine heart.

But.

I am also horribly jealous. And terribly lonely.

I never imagined that my little sister would get married before I would. Not in a million years. I'm the big sister. This was one of those things that was supposed to happen just like it always did. I would go first. She would benefit from my experience and we'd both have adventures together. That's how high school went. And college. But this will be different.

I know I can't dictate timelines. I just always expected. And now my changed expectations are stressful to me. It's weird to me that my little sister will be getting married before I have even had a first kiss. [Yes, 21 and still virgin lips. I know.] I generally have come to terms with my single status but when it's being shoved back in my face [sometimes literally by little brothers] it is harder to deal with.

I feel like I'm getting left behind. She's growing up and moving on without me. We've always done things together and if there was an age requirement I did it just a touch before and she followed right after. This time it's going to be different. And different doesn't mean bad. It just means different. And I'm still putting that altogether in my head.

So in short, a lot of happiness, excitement, a lot of jealousy and lonely with a pinch of resentment and guilt. Makes sense that I'm a basket case no? I cried for an hour last night. A solid hour. Just let it all come out.

But the point of writing all of this is not to ask for sympathy or validation. Please keep the attention on my darling sister. She deserves the happiest congratulations.

The point is that after hearing that story today in Sacrament Meeting I think I have a better understanding of what I'm feeling.

Here's what I'm learning:

"Life never was intended to be easy. Rather, it is a period of proving and growth. It is interwoven with difficulties, challenges, and burdens. We are immersed in a sea of persistent, worldly pressures that could destroy our happiness. Yet these very forces, if squarely faced, provide opportunity for tremendous personal growth and development. The conquering of adversity produces strength of character, forges self-confidence, engenders self-respect, and assures success in righteous endeavor." - Elder Richard G. Scott

I'm having growing pains. And I need them. That doesn't make it any more pleasant or any less real. It still hurts. But when you realize that you need it, it changes everything. That perspective shift makes all the difference in the world. Before I was feeling "this hurts. It's not fair. My life is not how I wanted and I don't know why or what else to do." That's way different than understanding "This hurts. But I need it. And when it's gone I'll have grown a little more toward the girl I want to become."

To summarize:

Growing Pains

by Dayle King Searle

Dear Lord, please forgive

my foolish, selfish tears.

Please understand

and wipe away my fears.

I know that this will help me grow

and reach a higher plane,

But growing isn’t easy,

and I’m having growing pains.

Hey Rach, How do you feel about red rock?

2011-05-27T00:43:00.008-07:00

My friends [Andrea, Aubrey, Tayte, Russell and Dana] and I went on a camping trip to Arches National Park last week. It was rad.

One of the standing jokes for the trip was "Hey Rach, How do you feel about red rock?"

I'll let you look at the pictures and decide for yourself.

What we did exactly:
We camped at Hal Canyon [a BLM Campground along the Colorado River] thanks to a kind RV who shared it's tent space with us. We had s'mores and scary stories and us girls had pillow talk. :) On Wednesday we woke up and had breakfast burritos [thanks to the boys - none of us girls are morning people]. We did the Windows, Turrett and Double Arch first thing and then ate lunch at Balanced Rock. We did a Fiery Furnace hike in the afternoon that was totally awesome. I loved crawling through things and climbing across cracks. We had tin foil dinners and dutch oven cobbler for dinner and a massage train before bed. We packed up camp in the rain and then hiked to Delicate Arch. Tayte and Annie and I went down into the bowl and up the other side. It was weird to see it from that direction. We went to Pine Tree and Landscape Arches and stopped in my favorite little spot in the rocks. We left just as the rain started to pour again. We tried to take the van down a dirt road to Gemini Bridges but it was a little too low riding. [Note to self - Take a jeep and go back sometime for that one.] We stopped at a little home town burger joint in Green River and Russell [thank you thank you] drove the rest of the way home.

Please don't judge:
My OCD. Yes, my menus as well as packing and shopping lists were made on Excel Spreadsheets. I just don't like forgetting things! It stresses me.

My hair. Camping + Hiking + Rain + Curly Hair = Bandana and Braids to attempt to tame it. Just be glad you didn't have to see me first thing after waking up.

Also, please judge the oversize jacket. My Dad offered me his Gortex and I gladly took it. I'm so happy I did too because it rained a lot of our trip. So I look silly because I'm drowning in it and I had to roll up the s don't leeves but I was dry. And that is what matters.

Things to Note:
I appreciate Dad's camping cooking more than I realized. He's straight up awesome at it. And s'mores just aren't the same when your little brother isn't there to make you a perfect golden brown one.

I have a tendency to act like a mom. "Did everyone get enough to eat? Do you need your water filled? Does anyone need to stop and use the bathroom. Aubrey, do not give Russell a wet willy." So much so that my friends may have called me Mom more than once on this trip. I'm taking this as a compliment. But I probably need to rethink the way I interact with my peers.

Rebecca Black's Friday gets stuck in my head WAY too easily. [Thank you Tayte.] Party and Party and Party and Yeah.

Don't say you should do something. It never happens. Like how we wrote a song while hiking but failed to record it. It went like this "The rains came down and the arches were formed. The rains came down and the arches were formed. The rains came down and the arches were formed." Don't worry there definitely were hand motions included.

I LOVE my friends. LOVE them. I'm grateful to have them. They were exactly the people I needed in my life this past year. Each one for a different reason. I had such a great time.

Oh. And I LOVE red rock. Just in case you hadn't figured it out.

Also, I need your opinions. Would you rather have a post that is half again as long with only big pictures or would you rather have a shorter post with smaller pictures that you can click on for a closer peek if you want? Currently, I've trended toward a post with smaller pictures. But I do like being able to really see a picture. Please let me know if you have an opinion. :)

Summer Thunderstorm

2011-05-15T23:09:00.002-07:00

I'm home. And I'm currently listening to a summer thunderstorm. There are few things I love more. Lightning and thunder make my top ten list for favorite things in the world.

I love being home. I love my family. They've been clingy. Apparently they missed me or something. My sister was home this week with her boyfriend. We had a blast. We played paintball on Saturday. Who knew pain could be so much fun? :)

Sundays are a little different here. I'm going to the single's branch. There's maybe 40 people. maybe. I love already knowing everyone. But it's odd. It's not enough to really be vibrant and living. I wish they'd combine singles branches from the other stakes into one huge ward. We might have to drive a little farther to get to one central building but it could be so worth it. After the branch which meets at nine I drive over to the Stake Center and hang out in the Nursery. My parents are the nursery leaders right now so I just get to play with 18 month - 3 year olds. I could just go home but I'd rather hang out with the little kids than be at home alone!

I just posted like five posts from my last month in Provo. I wrote most of them in my head but I was crazy busy and never got around to it with social adventures, final papers, final exams, graduation and getting sick. And once school was done I just never really wanted to sit down and do it. Turns out blogging is one of my number one ways of procrastination but I once I graduated I no longer had anything to procrastinate. So I never blogged. [Sorry Beth - you had to wait for pictures for eons. :) ]. So tonight you got a pouring of posts to match the rain I'm getting here.

Ten (Illogical) Laws of the Dating Universe & The * Clause

2011-05-15T23:00:00.000-07:00

Ten [Illogical] Laws of the Dating Universe (compiled by Andrea and Rachel)

1. Giving up brings love into your life.

We think it's because you stop caring you actually start acting like yourself which is so much more attractive than the fake faces we put on to try to make ourselves interesting. Example: my roommate. Beginning of the year "I hate boys. I will not date. I don't want to." Three weeks later she had a boyfriend.

2. Dating comes in droughts or floods. Famine or feast.

Case and point: my last three days in Provo I had three dates. The entire four months before that I had four dates. And two of them I asked, one was a blind set up and one was a spontaneous one that we weren't quite sure of who was with who until the doorstep.

3. The people you are interested in are rarely the people that have what you want or need.

Girls want someone stable but often overlook the engineering major for the adventurous and fun boy who has yet to actually pick a degree. Or boys want to have dinners when they get home but they date the girl who pretty but burns her grilled cheese and overlook the girl who rocks the dinner group.

4. If you say "I don't like, I don't want or I will never" you are almost guaranteed to fall for someone with that characteristic.

I always always say two physical qualities first when talking about things I am attracted to in boys. I always swear I can never like someone without them. And yet I spent a year and a half of college interested in a boy with neither.

5. Scarcity is supposed to drive up price, however in dating scarcity drives up demand.

When leaving town, when leaving on missions, or when making yourself unavailable in whatever way the other gender finally notices you. Why?!

6. Boys typically make their move when girls describe themselves as anything but attractive.

Example. Freshman year I got asked on a date when wearing my glasses, hair crazy everywhere and covered in chalk. I have a picture to prove that I looked goofy. Or right before I left. I was dreadfully sick for several days. Gave up on hair and makeup and one of my guy friends who'd been around through it all decided to ask me out.

7. Opposites don't actually attract. At least not effectively.

People may try but they rarely find themselves in a successful relationship with someone who is significantly different from themselves.

8. However, rule #7 is nullified regarding height.

Except with height. For some reason short girls date tall boys quite regularly.

9. What girls and boys find attractive (and unattractive) is rarely what the other thinks it would be.

Like fishnet/lacy tights. Turns out my whole ward thinks they look awful. One of the boys polled. Using my roommate as an example. She thought she was hot stuff in them. They said they reminded them of "grandmas, spiderwebs". Maybe we should try to communicate about these things.

10. There actually aren't any laws in the dating universe.

After all of that. There actually aren't any laws. None of these are infallible and there are twenty exceptions to each. Go figure.

The Asterisk (*) Clause

The Asterisk Clause is a concept Andrea and I named as such and that I thought would be appropriate to describe in conjunction with our laws of the dating universe.

When going on a first date or getting into a relationship, people often describe their life plans. I'm going to grad school, I'm leaving on a mission, etc... However, what Andrea I discussed is that for most people there is an asterisk clause there. I'm going to grad school*. And the asterisk says *but if this works out I'll stay, I'll wait, I'll apply somewhere else, you'll come with me, we'll make it work. Meaning that this is my plan but if this works out I'm willing to work things out.

The problem is you can't say that on a first date or sometimes even in the beginning stages of a relationships without sounding weird. So instead the guy just gets scared off by this girl who has her life already planned with seemingly no room for him in it. But he would also hate to hear that she's just ho-huming around. It's quite the dilemma. So we wish everyone would just understand that there is an asterisk clause. So go for it. If it works out, we'll figure out the rest later. But we'll never know if you give up just because you hear that I have plans.

I didn't know how much I'd cry

2011-05-15T22:29:00.002-07:00

My last day of work and on BYU campus was May 5, 2011. I started working for the Department of Statistics my first week of school my freshman year and finished working there two weeks after graduating. During the time I worked there I clocked 3112 hours and 49 minutes. That's a long time.

Turns out as frustrating as it was sometimes and as much I wanted a job with more flexibility and less responsibility (like some of my friends ridiculous TA or RA jobs) I actually really loved that place. I told the faculty in an email on the day that I left that after four years, our little corner of the Talmage building had become a second home to me and I was sad to leave. The department became a constant for me throughout changing majors, classes, roommates, relationships and semesters. College is a time of change but to have something stable made such a difference to the experience I had at BYU.

So I cried. Three times that day.

And I cried when I drove away from Provo.

I'd cried during graduation too.

And a couple other times.

I knew it was going to be hard. I had realized that as excited as I was to move on to new things and as antsy as I was to leave Provo and BYU culture behind me and as tired I was of school and structure that I was actually going to miss this place.

I'd realized that this was my home. Four years is so short and yet four years is a long time. I will never be the same person because of the experiences I had at BYU. The classes I took, the professors I interacted with, the people I worked with and for, the friends I made, the boys I dated, the boys I didn't date, the BYU culture I love and participated in, the BYU culture I ran away from, the sports I watched, the performances I saw, the places I walked, the places I studied, the places I didn't study, the places I slept. All of it has changed me. Shaped me. Helped me to become the Rachel that I am right now. And when you leave something that important for you it's hard not feel a little bit of sad.

Heck, I'm crying right now.

Crying because of how happy I am that I had the chance to grow and change at BYU. I'd hardly recognize the girl who left four years ago. I'm happy to look in the mirror at the girl I am now.

BYU was the place I was supposed to be for my undergraduate degree. I'm so glad of that.

I just didn't know how grateful until it was time for me to leave this little bubble.

One more thought:

Yes, I left BYU unmarried. No, I don't get my money back. :)

Really though, I have very ambivalent feelings about this. Sometimes, I'm thrilled. I beat the system. All my friends told me I'd go to BYU and get married and waste everything that I ever was. I didn't agree with the idea that getting married would be a waste but it definitely could have changed my path in life. I had so many opportunities because I was only responsible for myself. I went to London, I went to Princeton and was involved in Stand for the Family. I played hard. I made wonderful friends. I have a degree that I love. And I get to go get my master's degree. But sometimes, it honestly makes me sad. And scared. If I couldn't find a husband with 15,000 eligible bachelors around me what makes me think I ever will? If no one wanted me then, why would they want me now? Crazy thoughts like that come into my head. And I have to make decisions like where to go to grad school and I don't want to make them by myself. And I get lonely. And frustrated. And annoyed. I hated BYU dating culture 9 times out of 10. It's a game that I'm tired of playing. Or failing at. Whatever. But at the same time. I didn't play. No NCMOs for me. No premies or dear Johns. No cliches. And I like that. Like a lot. So blah. I don't know how I feel about it. And now you know that I don't know how I feel about.

However, on an amusing note. I had three dates my last three days in Provo. How and why did that happen? I'm not exactly sure. But it did. And it made for some fantastic pillow talk with Andrea.

I'm an Alumni!

2011-05-15T21:50:00.001-07:00

Rachel Augustus

B.S. Family Life, Brigham Young University

April 2011

With Molly & Andrea just before walking in

With Andrea & Russell

With Andrea. How I love this girl. :)

Patrick. One of my best college friends.

My siblings!

My family. :)

My grandparents!

The reasons I managed to graduate.

Sister!

Brothers.
[I'm on a step. I'm not actually taller anymore.]

My boss for 4 years at the Department of Statistics - Ruth.

The Department Secretary - Kathi

Friends from my 490 Capstone class - the BEST class I took
and my favorite people in my major.
I walked M-Z to sit with them.
We're missing a few of our classmates though. :(

My favorite professor - Dr. Larry Nelson.
I took three class from him. Changed. my. life.

It's for real. Two weeks later my degree posted. :)

I am now an ALUMNI!

And then there were none...

2011-05-15T21:38:00.001-07:00

On Tuesday, April 19th I finished all of my finals.

Finished, completed, accomplished, achieved, fulfilled, concluded, ended, done.

DONE.

BEST. FEELING. EVER.

So what do you do when you have no finals left and it's Tuesday night in Provo?

Wake up your friends.

And then...

Go to Sammy's for Two-Shake Tuesday of course! [Sammy's makes pie shakes = DELICIOUS]

And then take goofy pictures just for the heck of it.

Because well, you're done. And you don't have a care in the world. :)

K'nex and Barbie

2011-05-15T21:25:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time my friend Tayte [who is totally awesome] took me rock climbing. It was a BEAUTIFUL day up Rock Canyon. And I was SO happy to be outside in the sun. And I had so much fun! I'd never climbed outside before. Only in a gym. It was the best.

Our friend Michael came with us too. We climbed one called K'nex first.

And then Tayte climbed one called Barbie. It was awesome.

Except the part where Tayte fell and broke the rule where you aren't supposed to grab the rope.

Awesome? Awful? Both? You decide. :)

The great part was that I got to drive Tayte's truck home. Truck + stick shift = one happy Rachel. :)

Things That Make Me Happy

2011-05-15T21:17:00.003-07:00

NOTE: The only cohesion to the following pictures is that they make me happy. There is no other rhyme or reason to why they are together in a blog post.

Things That Make Me Happy

Going on Dates

This was from a date night my roommates and I (& Tayte) planned. The Provo Library puts on a live version of Clue for free so we did that, Pizza and Clue the Movie. So much fun. Me and my date (Mitchell) totally won.

Being a Celebrity

These are from our ward FHE Oscars Night. Each group made a video and we watched them all. The picture on the left is my I'm-too-famous-to-even-give-you-a-smile face. In the right, you can admire my zebra heels and my calf muscle. :)

A quiet night at home

A Fruitista Freeze from Taco Bell that was ALMOST like a snow cone. Green tree tops and a spring storm. A clean apartment. It doesn't get much better. Really.

Boys

Sometimes boys are obnoxious (they have cooties, you know) but most of the time boys make me happy. Especially ones like Tayte and Russell who make me laugh til it hurts braiding my roommates hair.

Sensuous Sandwich

K. First off the name of the shop is Sensuous Sandwich. It has to be delicious. Second off. I'm still not sure whether I'm impressed or grossed out but Tayte and Russell did a two foot challenge. A 2 foot sandwich in 30 minutes. They rocked it.

Warm Weather and Hiking

I love nothing more than sunshine. There's a lot of reasons I'm going to Las Vegas for grad school. And one of them is definitely the sun. Being able to take a hike made my weekend. I was so happy. Yes, I had a storybook. [Long story - it was in my bag to keep things from poking me]. Yes, those are my friends. :)

Aubrey

This girl makes me SO happy. Enough said.

Easter Happy Thought

2011-04-24T19:43:00.000-07:00

Happy thought for the day: Jesus Christ is our Savior and Redeemer and He lives!

I know without a doubt that Jesus Christ is the Savior of mankind. I am so grateful for his Atonement in my life. Sins, afflictions, infirmities, pains, sorrows. He took all of it upon himself.

What a joy there is to know that because of his Atonement and Resurrection I will never be alone. I will be forgiven of my sins. I will be comforted in trials. I will be able to return to live with God.

There is no happier thought.

P.S. I know you are just anxiously awaiting my pictures and stories from my last few weeks but you are just going to have to wait a little bit longer. I haven't wanted to sit still long enough to put it all together. Sorry!

You're Gonna Miss This

2011-04-13T15:47:00.000-07:00

Today something very significant happened and when significant events occur in my life I generally look in two places for meaning.

The first is the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

The second is my iPod.

Between those two I can always find something that fits exactly what I am thinking, feeling, and going through.

Today my significant event was that I attended my last class as an undergraduate student.

Crazy, huh?

What's crazier though is the ambivalence I felt as I walked out of that classroom. I didn't know whether to laugh or to cry.

Four years of late nights, long hours, painful papers and awful exams.

Four years of laughing, teasing, loving, playing, hugging and not sleeping.

Four years of crying, hurting, aching, waiting, wishing.

Four years of singing, dancing, running, being.

Four years of new places, new faces.

Four years of learning and growing and changing in ways that I never imagined.

I'm so done. Ready to take my finals and pack up. Ready to go home for the summer and breathe the fresh air. Ready to be with my brothers. Ready to work on the farm. And ready to try something new at UNLV in a graduate program.

But at the same time, I realized today that I really am leaving BYU. I had my last class that was begun with a prayer, my last class that ended with a testimony of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I realized that never again will the Gospel be taught side by side with my curriculum. That never again will I be surrounded by people who like me, signed and agreed to live by an Honor Code.

My time at BYU is over. It's time for me to leave Provo. I know that. But I could not be more grateful for the experience that I have had as a student at BYU. My four years as an undergrad here were much more I could have asked for. I am not the same girl who started here four years ago. And I am forever grateful to the people who have been my professors, supervisors, classmates, friends. All have been my teachers and I will forever be indebted for what I have learned.

Trace Adkins says exactly what I'm realizing.

You're gonna miss this.
You're gonna want this back.
You're gonna wish these days
Hadn't gone by so fast.

These are some good times.
So take a good look around.
You may not know it now.
But you're gonna miss this.

3 finals, 1 commencement ceremony, 1 convocation. 8 days from now my time at BYU is done. And I'm excited. I'm moving on to some amazing things. But I'm sure gonna miss this.

Detox

2011-04-13T15:46:00.001-07:00

Last week I gave my sister my facebook password with instructions to not return it to me until all of my assignments were completed.

I'm not the worst facebook addict in the world but I definitely use it as a distraction and I needed to stay as focused as possible last week in order to finish all the papers and assignments I had left to turn in. I also blocked Google Reader [how I follow blogs - you HAVE to try it] from my laptop so that I wouldn't waste any time stalking people that way. [I follow 80 something blogs. Wasting time there is a legitimate concern.]

Since I finished my assignments I got my facebook password back and added reader back to my allowed websites.

The thing is though, I'm realizing that in addition to just being better able to get things done, last week might have been really good for me in another way.

You see, facebook and blogs are fabulous tools for keeping up with friends, poking your little sister, getting new news, sharing pictures with your mom, getting new recipe ideas and finding new fashion tips.

But they also really good ways to sit and compare yourself with other people and their lives.

Today while I was catching up on blogs I actually started paying attention to the dialogue going on in my head and this is what I heard:
I'm not as smart as her. I'm not as pretty as she is. I'll never be that skinny. I'm not that witty and funny. I don't have time to cook and clean like she does. My pictures are just from a point and shoot. I'm not talented enough to...

And I stopped and said now WAIT a minute. This is ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous.

It took a week away from all of it, a detox if you will, for me to be able to pay enough attention to myself to realize that subconsciously I've been making myself sick. Absolutely ill.

Do you remember back in October when I did the Recapturing Beauty challenge? [Posts here, here and here.] I learned so much about beauty. That I am beautiful the way I am. I accepted myself as me. And yet, here I am six months later. Realizing that I allow other people to make me feel differently about myself.

I realized that in all my facebooking and blog stalking I'd forgotten that I am unique.

I'm not saying that I'm going to get off facebook again or that I'm going to stop blog stalking. Because I'm not.

What I am saying is that I don't need to compare myself while I'm doing it. I am unique. Why would I try to be like anyone else?

I need to be conscientious of what I think about when I read other people's blogs. Turns out, they aren't perfect. And I don't need to be either.

My dad and I had a conversation last week during one of my breakdowns. [I always call my dad during breakdowns. Mom first for sympathy but then dad. It goes like this - Rachel: Dad, this is one of those I'm-having-a-breakdown-times-and-I-need-you. Dad: Need me to tell you the world isn't ending and that you'll be okay? Rachel: Yeah. One of those.] He reminded me that I don't have to be perfect. That this life is meant to be a process of constant refinement and betterment. That if I'm better than I was yesterday then that's good enough.

That probably is something I was already aware of but at that moment it was the lightbulb moment I needed to realize that the changes I've made since getting to BYU are HUGE. And that I can keep making more changes. And that's all I have to do.

He also told me to take a nap.

If you are feeling down on yourself or the world taking a nap is probably the best thing you could do for yourself.

This turned into one of my long winded moments. Sorry. The point is. My detox made me realize that I don't have to waste time comparing myself to everyone else. I'm beautiful. I'm doing the best I can. And that's all I can ask of myself.

And I probably am going to structure my blog/facebook time a little more so I don't find myself there when I'm already feeling crummy.

P.S. Carly posted some beautiful thoughts that fit right along with what I'm trying to say. Go check it out. She's probably one of the cutest girls on the planet and brightens my day every time I see her.

Late Nights with Harold

2011-04-12T00:47:00.002-07:00

Harold is my pal. Probably the closest thing I've had to a boyfriend all year.

Tuns out that relationships with the library don't work out all that well though. Bummer.

Tonight was my last late nighter of my undergraduate career.

And my last paper of my undergraduate career.

Do you want to know how it went?

10:26. I. do. not. want. to. be. here.

11:02. Why am I a procrastinator? Why, oh why, oh why?

11:37. Ooh. Ooh. I have an idea. Maybe if I smile coyly at the boy across the table he'll volunteer to write my paper for me. Well it was worth a shot.

12:48. I think I losing it. Do you think I can plead insanity and get out of having to turn in my paper? A girl can try can't she?

1:37. I'm going home! Not done. But going home anyway and finishing in the morning. And oh so happy about it. Because I never have to stay late in this library again. And if I live through tomorrow, it's just the finals stretch til graduation. Totally got this. :)

"Itis"

2011-04-06T10:52:00.000-07:00

Since coming to college I’ve had significantly more medical events than I ever had at home when I lived with a doctor. Really - in high school the most exciting things that happened to me were a burst eardrum [extremely painful] and some torn ligaments in my knee [which sadly ended my soccer playing days for high school]. But that was it. My sister, her story was different – stitches on her face 3 different times, a broken arm. I can’t decide if it’s because she is more accident prone or because I’m rather boring. Maybe both.

Fast forward to freshman year. Three weeks into the semester I die. Okay fine. I didn’t die. But I sure felt like I was going to. I experienced my first and last gallbladder attack [I have lack-of-gallbladder attacks sometimes now but that’s a different story] and had surgery a week later to remove it. I spent another week at home recovering and then came back to try to pick up the pieces of my semester.

Sophomore year I did really well for myself. Losing weight, feeling great and having the time of my life. For President’s day my friend Sean invited my roommates and I to go snowshoeing! It was a lot of fun and I loved it. Long story short though, I got kicked in the face with a snowshoe spike. Head wound = lots of blood. 5 stitches later it turned out to be quite the adventure. Fortunately, you can’t see the scar at all anymore.

My junior year was the year of swine flu and wouldn’t you know that the girl who loves pigs would go and catch herself the swine flu. It was miserable. Absolutely miserable. I can think of so many other ways I would rather spend a week. I can’t think of a time I’ve been so fatigued.

I thought it was a little ironic after my sophomore year that once again I had a large medical need but after my junior year became quite apparent that I was destined for some kind of significant illness or injury every year.

I’ve been anxiously anticipating the arrival of some kind of injury or illness this year. But it hadn’t happened. A cold. A lack-of-gallbladder attack. But that was it and I started to think I might make it out after all.

But then I started to not feel quite like myself. My symptoms: Fatigue, lethargy, disinterest, lack of motivation, complacency, apathy, laziness, tardiness, indifference, unwillingness to do busywork type assignments, procrastination

You all know what it is.

Senioritis. And I have a particularly crippling case.

Fun fact of the day: "itis" is a suffix which refers to inflammation. Inflammation is the body's basic and typical response to injury, foreign invaders, etc... which leads to repair and healing. Inflammation can also result in some loss in function.

So senioritis - It's a normal response to the experience of being a senior. In the end, healing and repair will occur that brings the body back to it's normal state but in the meantime some loss of function can occur. If that doesn't describe senioritis perfectly I don't know what does.

So my current treatment options include: practicing self rewards (If you do, then you can), giving my facebook password to little sister for one week, making check lists, studying with people so I don’t feel trapped in the library, eating healthy foods, accomplishing one large task per day, doing one planned fun activity daily, and cleaning my bedroom.

All of these can provide some relief to my symptoms but unfortunately, these are all only temporary solutions. The only cure is graduation.

I can see just a glint of light at the end of the tunnel but I can’t see out yet and I HAVE to get out. The only way out is hard work. So I’m going off facebook and blog stalking for the week. I’ll see you next Wednesday when we’re only 8 days away.

Lessons Learned From Skiing

2011-03-26T22:23:00.001-07:00

1. If you don't like something, do something about.

I've hated winter for a long long time. I just don't really like the snow. It makes a mess of the sidewalks and the roads and makes it hard to get things done. But this winter I decided that I was going to pick up a winter sport. And so I went sledding with my ward. I went bobsledding. And today we went skiing. And do you know what? My perspective has totally changed. Yesterday it snowed ALL day long. And it didn't bother me in the least. In fact, I was actually kind of happy about it. Secretly and quietly. But quite happy about it. Really, this winter hasn't been nearly as bad as others. And it's because I did something about it.

2. Always be honest. Completely and totally. From everyone's perspectives.

Long story but there was some confusion with passes today and we were doing what we thought would be honest but it didn't work for the people at the park. It turned into a mess of a situation and I feel so sad about how it all worked out. Hindsight is 20/20 but looking back we could have handled it much better.

3. There are more muscles in my legs than I knew I had before.

They are talking to me right now. Saying ouchie! Also, turns out bruises on your shins are extremely painful.

4. Skiing on the bunny hill with 4 year olds makes you feel a little bit lame.

Granted, I learned a lot by practicing on the bunny hill. Switching directions. Stopping better. Keeping my skis parallel. But when you are getting passed by little little kids you are slightly embarrassed.

5. Everyone needs friends like Alyssa and Dan.

I hadn't been skiing since about 8th grade. So I had a lot of relearning to do today. I was slow and awkward and slow. But Lyss and Dan waited with me the whole time and patiently taught me. They could've done probably twice as many runs and done way cooler stuff but instead they went slowly with me, encouraging, teaching, watching, laughing, helping. I had one of the best days today and it was a direct result of them.

Almost there!

2011-03-24T15:11:00.000-07:00

There has been question on my mind constantly for the past few weeks: Where to go, where to go, where to go?

Naturally, I first consulted Disney.

The earth is cold, the fields are bare
The branches fold against the wind that's everywhere
The birds move on so they survive
When snow's so deep the bears all sleep to keep themselves alive
They do what they must for now and trust in their plan
If I trust in mine, somehow I might find who I am

But where do I go from here?
So many voices ringing in my ear
Which is the voice that I was meant to hear?
How will I know where do I go from here?

My world has changed, and so have I
I've learned to choose and even learned to say good-bye
The path ahead, so hard to see
It winds and bends, but where it ends depends on only me
In my heart I don't feel part of so much I've known
Now it seems it's time to start a new life on my own

But where do I go from here?
So many voices ringing in my ear
Which is the voice I was meant to hear?
How will I know, where do I go from here?

And then I talked about and thought about and researched for a couple of weeks. I thought about location (and distance from home), price, quality of program, LDS population, diversity, weather. Oh yes, weather matters to a girl who loves the sunshine.

And then I went to the temple and as is prone to happen in the temple all my jumbled crazy thoughts sorted themselves out into a peaceful and coherent thought and I knew the choice I had made was exactly right.

And then I realized that I had chosen. That awful limbo time of life was done. I realized that I'm almost there and so I just had to sing some more Disney.

Mama! I don't have time for dancing!
That's just gonna have to wait a while
Ain't got time for messing around
And it's not my style
This old town can slow you down
People taking the easy way
But I know exactly where I'm going
Getting closer and closer every day

And I'm almost there, I'm almost there
People down here think I'm crazy, but I don't care
Trials and tribulations, I've had my share
There ain't nothing gonna stop me now 'cause I'm almost there

I remember Daddy told me: "Fairytales can come true
You gotta make 'em happen, it all depends on you"
So I work real hard each and every day
Now things for sure are going my way
Just doing what I do
Look out boys, I'm coming through

And I'm almost there, I'm almost there
People gonna come here from everywhere
And I'm almost there
I'm almost there

There's been trials and tribulations
You know I've had my share
But I've climbed the mountain, I've crossed the river
And I'm almost there, I'm almost there
I'm almost there!

I still have a few more mountains to climb with finals and a river to cross with my summer but when school starts next year I'm proud to announce I will be starting the Masters program in Marriage and Family Therapy program at......

All is well.

2011-03-24T00:15:00.000-07:00

BYU has a beautiful bell tower that plays Come, Come Ye Saints on the hour. I have slightly mixed feelings about hearing it because I know if I'm hearing it it generally means I'm going to be late to work or class. :) In all seriousness, I love hearing the bells chime through the air.

"Come, come ye Saints.

No toil nor labor fear.

But with joy wend your way.

Though hard to you this journey may appear,

grace shall be as your day."

As I hum along I love thinking to myself "All is well, All is well." Because typically all is well. And if I'm feeling like it's not, that little tune is a good reminder to stop, take a deep breath and reconsider my perspectives.

Today though when I heard the bell tower (yes, I was late to class) my mind went instead to the second verse.

"Why should we mourn or think our lot is hard?
'Tis not so; all is right.
Why should we think to earn a great reward
If we now shun the fight?
Gird up your loins; fresh courage take.
Our God will never us forsake;
And soon we'll have this tale to tell-
All is well! All is well!"

Lately, I've been drowning in school, in work, in insomnia and fatigue, in a lack of motivation. Which really equates to a dreadful case of senioritis. I can't find the motivation to finish things lately and have no desire to do my homework. I just want to be done.

Today though, the line "Why should we think to earn a great reward, if we now shun the fight?" really stood out to me. I cannot give up yet. How can I think of good things to come for this summer, for grad school if I'm not willing to work hard right now?

I'm not going to say that I went straight to the library and finished my homework for the next week. Because I didn't. But I did work an 8 hour shift to help my boss with a crazy moving process. And I did get an awful 5 page paper done that had been hanging over my head for days. And I did take a long relaxing shower. And I did feel much better about my day.

It's 4 weeks until graduation. Just 28 days. That's not very long and it would be so easy to just give up and say C's get degrees. But I'm not going to. I'm going to work hard and finish strong. Because in the fight is where the real reward comes.

One of those days...

2011-03-17T11:53:00.001-07:00

Apparently yesterday was just one of those days.

Ask Alexa. Or ask Kylie. Or ask Christine. Turns out they all had that kind of day too.

You know the kind of day I'm talking about.

It was the kind of day that starts out fine. A little sluggish maybe [Daylight Savings time is NOT my favorite thing.] But just fine. It's warm outside so all is well.

Exciting things happen - like your roommate opens her mission call to find she will be going to Hong Kong!

And good things happen - like you get to watch a movie for a class assignment with one of the most darling girls ever.

And people are nice to you - like your other roommate loans you her umbrella so you don't get wet in the rain.

But because it's that kind of day, all the little stressful things that have been building up all come to a breaking point.

It's the kind of day where the rain isn't renewing and cleansing but depressing and drowning.

And there's just one too many things and you are just one hour too short on sleep to be able to handle it all.

So you have a breakdown in your car. You call home and your parents listen patiently and let you talk through your irrational thoughts even though they're already in bed.

You hang up and cry some more. It's the kind of day where you don't have just a few tears but a full on shaking sobbing kind of cry.

And then you start to pray. [Because really what else can you do when you are crying at 10:30 at night alone in your car?]

And then because it's one of those kind of days it starts out as an angry, complaining, hopeless prayer. Why can't I know what's happening in my future? Why don't I have time to all the things I want to do? Am I even doing the right things? Can I please not be alone anymore?

And then because Heavenly Father loves you, he reminds me softly and quietly that you are not alone. And that "thy God doth undertake To guide the future as He has the past." And that you shouldn't ask to see "the distant scene. One step enough for me."

And then your heart softens and your iPod reads your mind and plays some Taylor Swift. [I swear she has a song for every day of my life. And if not, it's coming on her next album.]

I don't know what I want, so don't ask me
Cause I'm still trying to figure it out
Don't know what's down this road, I'm just walking
Trying to see through the rain coming down
Even though I'm not the only one
Who feels the way I do

I'm alone, on my own, and that's all I know
I'll be strong, I'll be wrong, oh but life goes on
I'm just a girl, trying to find a place in this world

Got the radio on, my old blue jeans
And I'm wearing my heart on my sleeve
Feeling lucky today, got the sunshine
Baby tell me what more do I need
And tomorrow's just a mystery, oh yeah
But that's ok

I'm alone, on my own, and that's all I know
I'll be strong, I'll be wrong, oh but life goes on
I'm just a girl, trying to find a place in this world

Maybe I'm just a girl on a mission
But I'm ready to fly

I'm just a girl trying to find a place in this world. Tomorrow's a mystery and you know what, that's OKAY. I had one of those days yesterday but at the end of the night I have parents who care about me, roommates who give me head scratches and back massages and share what they've learned about becoming. My paper will be turned in late. I didn't make it to the gym. I don't know what happens when I graduate in 35 days. But it's gonna turn out alright in the end.

And besides, today's a new day.

Sometimes I forget to take pictures...

2011-03-14T21:58:00.001-07:00

I'm a pictureaholic. I LOVE pictures. About once a month I spend a couple hours just going through my But sometimes I'm having so much fun that I forget to stop and take a picture.

This weekend was one of those weekends. I had a million wonderful opportunities for a picture but I just forgot to snap even one. So you are going to have to use your imagination with me for a minute.

Picture a Friday night with one of your best friend's at his house with his family waiting him to announce which grad school he has chosen to attend. Picture a beautiful family with welcoming and kind smiles and sincere "how are yous?" Picture a spread of food so good you want three servings but you only let yourself have more apples. Picture adorable little girls running around having so much fun being cute as buttons. Picture the reaction when you find out he's chosen Harvard [fully funded]. Picture piling into the basement and watching BYU finally get the win they deserved over New Mexico [and watching Jimmer get 52 points. FIFTY TWO.]

Picture coming home and finding your roommates on the floor making prank calls. Picture dragging your mattresses into the living room and having a giant sleepover. Picture our faces watching and loving Footloose. Such a classic. Picture us sleeping in and waking up all groggy and disoriented in the morning.

Picture a Saturday morning filled with a good run at the gym and sore arms from good lifting. And then picture a sparkling clean apartment from cleaning checks.

Picture our apartment with a projector and a huge spread of food set up for the MWC Tournament Championship game of BYU v. SDSU. Picture leaving the game to watch Eva open her mission call and find out she is going to Korea! Picture the long hug I gave her when I realized she would be gone for 18 months and I wouldn't be able to get my Eva hugs.

Picture coming home and finding somewhere between 15-17 people in our apartment having a grand time. Picture our disappointment at the end of the game for our sad loss. Picture a game of cranium and watching the Prestige. Picture crawling into bed and sleeping like a rock.

Picture Christine walking into my room Sunday morning at 8:35 asking if I was going to wake up for church. Picture me muttering at Benjamin Franklin under my breath for his stupid Daylight Savings Time. Picture me getting ready in a whirlwind and racing to church, only missing the opening hymn. Picture me being fidgety and unable to focus for three hours of church. Picture us cleaning our apartment from the party leftovers. Picture our conversation about how glad we are that we hadn't had alcohol there for the mess sake and that we weren't hungover. Awful.

Picture a perfectly lovely Sunday afternoon and evening spent in Layton at Dan's house. Picture an incredible Sunday dinner of parmesan chicken, funeral potatoes, salad, corn and rolls. Picture chocolate cake to die for. Picture playing with the dog outside in the beautiful sunshine. Picture sitting on a swing not wanting to go inside because you can positively smell spring in the air. Picture talking with Lyss and Dan about finances and life and important stuff. Picture birthday presents and skyping family. Picture being given lots of food by generous generous parents.

Picture a girl who still has NO idea about what she is doing for spring and summer. Picture a girl who still hasn't picked a grad school yet. Picture a girl who is feeling calm and peaceful because she went to yoga and her homework is done. Picture a girl who is counting down the last 38 days to graduation. Picture a girl who is ever so happy about life. That's me tonight. :)

Skinny Dipping

2011-03-08T22:00:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time I came back from the gym to find 3 cop cars parked outside of my apartment complex. This might not be a big deal except for the fact where I live in quiet Provo and rarely do I ever see the police except when they are writing someone a parking ticket.

I came inside to find 5 police men standing around our hot tub with one very wet man sitting on the edge. Upon consulting with the various onlookers I learned that he was high on some drugs and had been soaking in the hot tube naked.

But here's the best part. When I came inside I turned on my computer and went to read blog updates. One of the blogs I follow is 1000 Awesome Things and was the first post to come up in my feed. The title of today's post: "Skinny dipping somewhere you shouldn't be." Oh the irony. I just about died laughing.

Oh the adventures of living here. Sometimes all you can do is laugh.

Other things of note:

If I had $1000 in my bank account I'd be leaving on a flight for London on Thursday afternoon. We were reminiscing and wanting to go back and looking up flights was the natural next step of that. And I'm not joking. If I'd had the money I'd be gone.

Clean room = Happy Rachel. Roommate who picks up the rest of the apartment = even happier Rachel.

Getting life back in order is awesome. I'd forgotten how great it is to be totally prepared for class the night before, have your homework done on time.

A certain individual in our department drives me crazy. She comes in at least once a week and yells at the department chair for at least two hours. No boundaries, no respect. I don't do super great with rude, ungrateful people.

Trying to do a renovation of a department in the middle of hiring and scholarships and the annual report means my boss is stressed out of her mind and so busy that sometimes she forgets to give me things to do. WORST.

I got a 100% on my first paper/exam for my capstone class. It's from my favorite teacher and my hardest class for sure this semester and I got it back and he told me I was an "exceptional writer". Exceptional. I don't know that I've ever been so happy about a paper!

UNLV is moving up toward first choice for grad school. We'll see what I decide. But it's today's winner. Don't get ahead of yourself though. It could change tomorrow.

I got to have dinner with Casey and Drew tonight. SO fun! I hadn't seen them since December and I sure missed them. We got to talk a lot.

Stand for the Family died tonight. We will have a few more activities for the year and then we're done. Lots of reasons, lots of emotions.

Yoga is my FAVORITE way to finish a workout. I love leaving with my mind clear and peaceful.

It's a BEAUTIFUL day...

2011-03-07T07:47:00.002-08:00

I was walking in to work this morning and couldn't help but think to myself that today is a BEAUTIFUL day.

It's not because the sun is shining. Because it's actually cloudy and grey.

It's not because it's warm. Because the wind actually made it kinda chilly this morning.

It's not because the leaves are turning green. Because they aren't yet.

It's not because I was on time to work. Because I wasn't. But only by a few minutes.

It's not because I got enough sleep. Because I didn't. Sometimes going to bed just isn't the priority.

It's not because this is an easy week. Because I have a lot of papers and exams in the next few days.

It's not because I lost a shoe and had Prince Charming come to the rescue. Because I actually did lose my shoe crossing the street this morning, but there wasn't a boy in sight.

It's because spring is ALMOST here and you can positively smell it in the air.

It's because I thought about life as a worm today and decided I'm much happier as a Rachel.

It's because now that I'm mostly caught up with life, I can go back to the gym today!

It's because I'm wearing size 10 jeans!!!!!!!!!!!

It's because I have wonderful friends who fill my life with happiness and set incredible examples for me.

It's because I went bobsledding this weekend with two of my best friends and a new one.

It's because my parents are coming to visit soon! Groceries and hugs all around!

It's because I have a new commitment to be better. [CES Fireside - Elder Perry - Awesome].

It's because I graduate in 45 days. I can do that much more.

It's because even though I have no idea what is happening in my life I KNOW that Heavenly Father is listening and patiently guiding me.

That's why it's a beautiful day.

Hope your day is beautiful too!

BOBSLEDDING!!!

2011-03-06T22:27:00.004-08:00

Do you remember when I said at the beginning of the winter that I wanted to take up a winter sport?

I went to the Olympic website and considered my options from all the events that were competed in at the Vancouver Olympics and decided that I wanted to try bobsledding. I decided that was utterly unrealistic and planned to go skiing.

I still haven't made it skiing yet [though not for lack of trying] but this weekend I got the chance to actually go BOBSLEDDING!!

One of Dan's best friends from his mission [John] is a bobsled driver. He's awesome at it and offered to take Lyss and Dan. Lyss didn't want to go but they knew I'd love it and so they offered to let me come too. I was so excited and I am SO glad I went because off the top of my head I can't really think of a better weekend to have.

We drove up to Park City to the Olympic Park where we checked in and paid the fee to use the bobsled for the night. We waited for a truck to come and get us up to the top of the track. Once we unloaded the sled John showed us how we needed to sit in the sled and what would happen once we started. I learned where to brace my feet, where to hold on and to not accidently let my head hit him, because he would driving and it could make it so he wouldn't be able to see.

After a few minutes of waiting it was time to go. Dan went first. We owe a huge thank not only to John but to two of his teammates Phil and James, who were willing to come up and do extra work to push [because normally all four push] just so that we could have the experience. So that's who you see, John is the very front, then Dan, then Phil and James.

Here's the time they got when Dan went down. Fastest and Slowest 50 seconds of your life. Seriously.

After they went, we spent a few minutes waiting in a little hut warming up and for our turn on the track again.

Then it was my turn! Here we are just starting to go. I had to hold myself up so that Phil would be able to jump in and put his legs down and I have a sweet bruise under my arm.

Then we were off! It was the most thrilling thing I've ever done. For the first curve or two it feels kinda like a rollercoaster. But then you get faster and the only thing you are aware of is the sound of the sled on the ice. A bump or two and it's over. But then you finally catch your breath and you feel your heart begin to race. Oh my goodness. I loved it. It was spectacular.

For our last run John was going to take Dan again, and then me, if I'd liked my first. I definitely did and so for the last run James and Phil both pushed but only Phil rode so that both Dan and I could have a second run.

I was a lot more aware the second time. There is so much force pushing on you as you go. It was such an amazing feeling. And again at the bottom there is just this strange but awesome sensation when your heart and your breath catch up to you. It's almost dizzying. Lyss caught this picture of us on our way, awesome, huh?

Really, I can't explain how much I loved it and how much fun I had. It really is probably one the all time most incredible experiences I've ever had. I also can't explain how grateful I am for John, Phil and James who did a lot of work to make it so Dan and I could ride.

The rest of the weekend was also awesome. We went out to Main Street Pizza & Noodle for dinner and then watched Cool Runnings [of course] back to a house John's parent's have a timeshare at.

I got to sleep in the loft room of the house and slept soundly til 9:30 when I got up & we got ready and went for some breakfast and to the Park City outlets. I didn't spend TOO much. :) I actually didn't and I got some much needed pieces for really good prices. I felt bad we dragged the boys around so much but they were very patient. :)

We finished up singing along to a player piano in the house and then drove back the canyon for a peaceful end to an amazing weekend.

Really, it doesn't get better than this.

On My Mind...

2011-03-04T10:02:00.002-08:00

This is one of the posts where you get a whole bunch of things jumbled together. You'll probably wonder why they are all in one blog post because they lack any cohesion. There is no reason beyond the fact that my brain also lacks cohesion and so you get the random pieces of my thoughts right now.

Ready?

I love this blog - it's a bunch of yummy recipes but that are easy and reasonable. Sometimes I drool over food blogs but know that I will never bother to make what they do. Here, not so. Anyways, she's doing a cute giveaway right now... go check it out!

I love getting text messages [though text conversations - not so much my favorite]. My head says "Somebody loves me!" and I get all happy inside. Lately, though I get positively giddy when I get a text message. Because this is my text message ringtone:

It makes me laugh every single time. Ask my roommates. Every time.

Mostly I don't want to talk about it, but BYU Basketball is definitely on my mind. In my mind Wednesday's game was a combination of coming off of the San Diego win [just like last time], the emotional turmoil from learning that teammate Brandon Davies had been suspended for the season for an honor code violation, and poor reffing. We were off and UNM was on. I just hope with all my heart that this is not what is to come and instead was just that... an off night. However I want to comment on how the sports world is talking about us. Here's ESPN talking about the whether the Honor Code is unrealistic. Their conclusion. Nope. And I agree. I live it every day happily. I am not brainwashed into doing so - it's my choice of how I live my life. I knew exactly what would be expected of me when I came here and I signed my name that I would do so. Here's an article on ESPN on putting principle first - they are impressed. And another one on CBS, that shows just how much people like us. They might not understand but they respect it. I'm really impressed by the positive attention the media is giving.

I'm in love with BYU's male A Capella group Vocal Point. All of them. I would like to date them all. Well except the married one. But the other eight. Yes, please. We went to their concert last night. What a dream. This first video, Game Day, is hilariously awesome. If you like sports you will appreciate it. The second video, is one of my very favorite hymns.

I've been accepted to the University of Rochester [through the School of Medicine - yeah I'm rad] and to the University of Nevada Las Vegas. I'm an alternate at the University of Nebraska Lincoln. I technically have an interview still at Seattle Pacific in April but I may have already made choices by then. I have a lot of things to think about in the next few weeks.

I love the rain. I love the smell it leaves behind. Everything fresh and renewed. I am SO ready for the spring to come!! 16 days until the first day of Spring!

48 days until Graduation. (7 weeks from yesterday). I'll stop pretending - I'm straight up counting. And so ready! My senioritis is almost unmanageable. I'm accepted to grad school which means I just need to graduate and C's get degrees, right?

I'm a little bit Youtube happy today. Sorry! but Please watch this video:

Awesome, no? Even if you don't like Ke$ha it's pretty amusing. :)

Don't tell anyone. But I'm ~~a little bit~~ homesick. This will be the only semester of my entire college career that I haven't gone home for a weekend or something. And I miss my family. I'm a person who loves hugs and I've been a little short lately. I want my mom to wrap me me up and tell me I don't have to stress and I want my dad to tell me logically how to figure out my problems and then call me a brat. I want my brothers to squish me because they are almost bigger than me now. I want to see the baby calves that are being born. I want a dog under my hand. Even country music isn't helping this time. :(

My roommate Andrea and I are like the same person. At least once a day we say the exact same thing at the exact same time. On Wednesday it was like 9 times.

Every night after we have pillow talk my roommate Aubrey and I have a good night ritual. I say good night [nickname] and she says good night [nickname]. The funny thing is our nicknames for each other are getting significantly longer all the time. :)

My roommate Christine is my inspiration to get back onto being healthy. She is so good about exercising regularly and doing it because she LOVES it. The last month I was gone basically every weekend and sometimes in between and screwed up all my sleeping and eating schedules. I haven't been to the gym in a week. BLECK. I just want the healthy feeling that comes after a good run more than anything. I did some smart shopping this week and I will be back on track.

And last...

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow."
~Mary Anne Radmacher
[Sent to me by Mom who saw it on Enjoying the Small Things]

Fabulous...

2011-03-04T07:59:00.000-08:00

Welcome to Fabulous LAS VEGAS!!!!

Last Friday I had a grad school interview at the University of Nevada Las Vegas (UNLV). I left Thursday night and picked up my sister in Cedar City and after having dinner with her and her boyfriend (whom I think is great) we drove the rest of the way to Vegas.

Thursday night we drove the Strip first thing as neither of us has ever been to Vegas. I've never seen so many lights in my life!

Friday I interviewed all day. I liked UNLV. I didn't love it as much as I loved Nebraska but I could definitely go to school there.

Then Friday night we went to Claim Jumper, watched the fountain show and saw the gardens at the Bellagio, walked through the Cosmopolitan and walked through the Tiffany Store. :)

Saturday, Megan left early and I drove back so that I could miss the storm, which I did for the most part. I also made it back in time to see BYU's awesome game against San Diego.

Saturday night was my regular movie night with Christine. This time was Life As We Know It. Absolutely fantastic. I LOVED it.

You're sitting on a chair IN THE SKY

2011-02-21T22:43:00.002-08:00

This was a marvelous weekend. I ditched class (again) and flew to Lincoln, Nebraska. My flights were lovely. The way to Minneapolis I sat with a lady who had been in my major years ago and on the way to Lincoln I sat with a soldier on his way home from an 11 month tour in Afghanistan.

We landed in Lincoln and I was greeted by the sunshine and 65 degrees. Let me repeat for emphasis... 65 degrees. It was beautiful. I was SO happy to see the sun!

I settled into my hotel room and changed. Got picked up by one of the current grad students [who was LDS so I got to hear about the LDS scene] and went to dinner with the grad students and other interviewees. I got to hang out with his kids first and I became buddies with his three year old. It was awesome. :)

Friday was interviews. I loved it. Everything about it. My text to my dad was "Done. And I think I'm falling in love with Nebraska." His response was "Really?" And to that I say, Yes, yes I think I am .

I loved the program, I loved the professors, I loved my conversations with them and with the grad students. I loved the feeling of the campus. It felt right.

Plus it was 70 degrees. And there was sunshine. I got to sit outside for 30 minutes.

They told me it was false advertising. But it sold me.

My airport experience back was less than ideal. They couldn't find my itinerary. And then security didn't even open so I was just waiting... turns out I could've slept in for another half hour. Lincoln to Minneapolis was fine. But then Minneapolis to Salt Lake City. Not my favorite flight.

I had book reader on one side who insisted on taking the middle armrest and not the one on the window side. And then on the other side there was a little bit bigger than average joe and so he was kinda in my space. The whole time.

I couldn't even use my laptop because it turns out you can't type with your elbows scrunched into your sides. All the homework I'd planed on doing. Couldn't. And I was annoyed.

But then I thought of this clip.

"You're sitting on a chair IN THE SKY."

Why on earth was I complaining? I was flying through the air at hundreds of miles per hour. I could get from Nebraska to Minneapolis to Salt Lake in a matter of hours. And maybe not first class. But quite comfortably really.

So what I'm saying here is technology rocks and I probably shouldn't complain when something is a little bit not my favorite.

Saturday night I was with Christine. We made brownies and were watching a chick flick when 4 boys came into our apartment and asked us one word each if "we. wanted. to. go. on. a. date. somewhere. to. get. ice cream."

So we went out. It was a little unclear for a minute whom we each were on a date with. Spontaneous group dates have that potential. But it was way better than a Saturday night alone and it all worked out in the end. And it was fun. We ate YoZone [always a favorite] and laughed. What a good night.

Sunday I got to sing with choirs twice. And we had boys over for dinner. And then my roommates and I had a sleepover. A legit, real sleepover. We pulled our mattresses into the living room and girl talked into the wee hours of the night. It was happy. :)

Today, after an adventure with Lyss and Dan, I took a 2 1/2 hour nap. Oops. Oh well. :)

So... basically my weekend was rockin' awesome. Except for the part where I have a 5 page paper due tomorrow and only have like a page written. Oh well. Tomorrow will be a new day.

Also, you should go check out this post by my new friend Tenery [who always makes me laugh and is totally rad - I don't know why it took us so long to become friends.]. It was dedicated to me. :) Also she made me pumpkin pieish deliciousness today. Basically she rocks.

So go over and read her fabulous blogposts. And while you are there leave her some lovin'... everyone likes comments.

Especially me... so tell me - what fabulous things did you do with your weekend?

And to end this post, a random quote from Sunday... "We should live in the living room. LIVING room!" Thank you Andrea. :)

Sometimes...

2011-02-16T23:03:00.001-08:00

Sometimes... a pedicure is all you need to make the world look so much better. Especially one on Valentine's Day with roommates.

Sometimes... all you can do to help a friend is bring over Magelby's chocolate cake and gerber daisies. It might induce crying first. But it will help in the end.

Sometimes... taking 2.5% off for a late grade is worth it to take time to visit a friend, go to FHE and go to the gym instead of writing your paper.

Sometimes... you expect your life to be an awful week and then your professor moves your huge paper deadline to Tuesday.

Sometimes... during the winter you get to sit outside in the sun and be warm and happy inside. And it makes your life INCREDIBLE.

Sometimes... one of the professors you work with catches you when you are dancing on the street corner to your iPod in the morning on the way to school.

Sometimes... you see Jimmer Fredette from across campus and you get a little excited because it's like seeing someone famous. :)

Sometimes... your job requires you run circles between the Army and Battelle to try to get one of the professors paid for work he was doing for them.

Sometimes... your roommate needs you so you run and drive through a weirdy rain/snow storm to find her.

Sometimes... Provo weather likes to tease girls like me by bringing Springish weather and then by stealing it back with a windy and wet night.

Sometimes... you spend 20 minutes talking about pop culture with your roommate and come to the conclusion that Billy Rae Cyrus needs to own up to his own failure as a dad and not blame Disney and also that Lady Gaga should NOT have spent 72 hours incubating in her egg before the Grammy's.

Sometimes... you get to work out with two of your best friends which makes it so much happier and makes you work so much harder.

Sometimes... a different friend brings you friendship bread which defeats the purpose of going to the gym but tastes so good so you say, eh, whatever.

Sometimes... country music makes life so good.

Sometimes... you have to figure out how to get your hunter's education done in Utah even though you live in Idaho so that your uncle will stop bugging you.

Sometimes... you read the PERFECT blogpost to make you feel fabulous.

Sometimes... you procrastinate packing by writing a blog. :)

Love Song for Me

2011-02-14T11:55:00.002-08:00

Here's the thing. I don't really like Valentine's Day all that much.

Part of this is that it never was one we made a huge deal of growing up. We always made homemade Valentine's with cut out hearts and lots of glitter and we probably decorated sugar cookies but that was about it. It wasn't ever a big deal. My Dad is more of a make-the-kids-groan-because-he's-kissing-mom-in-the-kitchen-AGAIN kinda person than a flowers and chocolates kinda guy and my Mom never made a big deal of it either.

Part of it is probably that I cringe when I see boys buying awful, oversized stuffed animals particularly of the ugly variety. There are plenty of good options for Valentine's gifts that do not involve giving ugly bears. Ask your mom, sister, neighbor, friend for advice before making such a purchase.

And part of it is that I can relate very well to the S.A.D. [Single's Awareness Day] camp. On my way into school there were hearts set up for someone's scavenger hunt, someone was carrying in a HUGE bouquet of flowers. And it makes you lonely.

John Mayer expresses my feelings so well:

I'm tired of being alone

So hurry up and get here

So tired of being alone

So hurry up and get here

It's called Love Song for No One. And it's how I was feeling all morning. I don't have anyone special to think about today.

But then I got to work and had treats on my desk from Ruth and Kathi. I pulled out a Dove heart, quite content to drown myself in chocolate self pity. But Dove chocolates have the most splendid little sayings inside. So as I popped that first chocolate in my mouth I read this:

"Be your own Valentine."

Seriously? What kind of cruel twist of fate? All I wanted was a few minutes for a pity party and instead my chocolate is trying to tell me that I have to suck it up. And not just suck it up, I have to be happy in being my own Valentine for now.

So I sat and thought about what that would look like. And then kinda moved on with my morning.

But not for too long. Because then I was sitting reading through the blogs I follow and grumbling under my breath about all the lovely dovey posts when I came to today's entry from Already Pretty.

Her post was essentially this: "...On this day, when the world scrambles about in often-contrived [my thoughts exactly] attempts to display affection for romantic partners, a quick reminder:

Whether you’re married, engaged, committed, dating, single, celibate, or a nun, always remember that the person most deserving of your love is YOU. The love you may choose to give to others must start within you, and your love for others will be more rich and fulfilling if you learn to love yourself first. And since loving yourself is challenging and complex, take some time today – a day dedicated to love – to shower yourself with affection."

Wow. Hit. With. A. Train.

She gives some things to do today: [slightly edited]

Look in the mirror and say, “Dang, I’m hot.”
Book a massage.
Make a list of your accomplishments since last Valentine’s Day.
Buy yourself some roses. They are gorgeous, after all.
Forgive yourself for something that’s been hurting or shaming you.
Heed your posture. Walk taller today to show the world your pride.
Wear something that makes you feel strong and powerful.
Splurge. On a new lipstick, a new book, a new set of running shoes. You deserve it.
Make sure to be hugged today. Period.

I'm probably going to switch out the massage for a pedicure. But I'm going to do them all.

Apparently I needed a reminder today that I need to be loving myself. Got it.

And maybe if I get this down better, I'll actually be ready for that someone I'm waiting for.

And if it takes him a while to get here, I'll be way happier in the meantime.

So, Happy Valentine's Day.

One last thought just because: "Never give up on anyone, and that includes not giving up on yourself." - Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Random Things to Note as of Late

2011-02-10T10:19:00.001-08:00

Here are some random things that have been happening lately. Or random thoughts that have been bouncing around in my head. No cohesion. No order. Sorry.

Watching the Superbowl with friends was fun. Not the same as home but a good second. [Note to self: Boys love muddie buddies.]

Jimmer Fredette is awesome. See here and here and here for his influence on Provo and Utah and everybody else too. [Also - Kudos to the rest of the team. He can't play by himself. People pass him the ball and play defense and score more points. So a good job, you're cool to the boys in blue. :) ]

I checked something off of my bucket list on Monday. :)

This site is awesome. I totally love their little tiny suggestions toward better living. If you decide to do it make sure you connect to me. I find a lot of motivation in being accountable to other people.

Last night I spent a couple hours playing dress up with my roommate Andrea. Turns out we have a lot of similar sized clothes. Why haven't we taken advantage of this until now? I have NO idea.

I love blog stalking. See side bars. There are several new ones under procrastination. :)

I have senioritis. Really badly. 70 days until graduation. Which is good. Because otherwise this case might turn out to be fatal.

The groundhog saw his shadow so days like this will soon be a distant memory right? Right?

The worst part of my morning is when my fingers thaw out from my walk to school. They start to tingle and then hurt for about 5 minutes and it makes typing extremely difficult.

I'm an insomniac. I haven't been tired at bedtime lately and lay awake. But then I do have a hard time dragging myself out of bed in the mornings. It's a problem. Suggestions are welcome.

You can color online at crayola.com. My sister shared this piece of joy with me today and it made my life oh so happy. :)

Our carpets are getting cleaned today and Aubrey is so awesome that she is moving ALL the furniture so they have to clean everywhere. Happy happy day.

Early morning workouts are my very favorite thing. :)

Sometimes I make up stories about the people I'm walking past in my heads. Like that the couple ahead of me just got engaged or that the boy running across campus has to get to his class so he doesn't miss the quiz and lose his good grades and chances to get into med school. Or that the girl who smiles back at me is actually a spy from Harvard trying to figure out why BYU is the most popular university. I'm weird I know. It's okay. :)

Forgetting to wear my ring makes me feel a little bit naked all day long. It's such a habit to wear it now that I noticeably miss it when I forget. I end up fidgeting with my finger because something just isn't right. Plus I miss the little reminder to "CTR" all day.

I realized last night that my baby brother will be 12 in just more than a week. That means he really isn't a baby. And he really isn't that little at all. And those facts would generally point toward me getting old which I'm not sure how I feel about!

That's all for now. Aren't you glad you experience a few minutes of my disconnected thought processes? :)

I wish my life was a musical...

2011-02-09T15:00:00.006-08:00

So basically my life is rocking awesome. I'm so happy lately. Today when I called home I told Mom that I was really sad that my life wasn't a musical because I just wanted to sing and dance down the street.

She told me that I should.

I should've. But I didn't.

I just really didn't want someone to think I was drunk and report me to the honor code office or something. But seriously, sometimes, like right now, I sit and wonder, why doesn't my life have a soundtrack? I wish that a song would start at just the right moment to match the mood and tone of what I'm thinking, feeling, doing.

Even better than just a soundtrack would be to live in a full fledged musical. Because "When the emotion becomes too strong for speech you sing; when it becomes too strong for song, you dance." [Source: Wikipedia :)] That's how I feel sometimes. I have so much emotion inside that I just want to burst into a song.

Secretly, in my car, or in my bedroom when no one is home, I am a Broadway star. I sing out all the songs and pick them to match my mood or feelings.

Plus, let's be honest, one of the best reasons to have life be a musical is that the main character always falls in love, sings a romantic song, and lives happily ever after. And I could definitely use some of that in my life right now. :)

Right now though to be honest, the songs in my musical would all be happy. Life has just been good lately. I'm doing better at goals I set for the semester. I'm paying more attention to daily things that make life fun and give you a reason to smile the whole day through. I'm recognizing more things to be grateful for which helps me to keep my chin up on bad days.

I'm impatient to know where I'm going but realizing that since I can't know yet I'm content to be where I'm at right here, right now.

Plus, I've been doing some fun things. Which always helps. :)

We went sledding for a ward activity up past Sundance at the Mt. Timpanogas trailhead. I had so much fun. I was dressed and ready for the cold and so I enjoyed every minute of snow. :) My favorite part was riding the sled all the way down back to the parking lot. [See the last picture.]

[Pictures are with Aubrey and Tyler. Michael is the one with his head in the snow - he was hot and wanted to cool off. :)]

My FHE group makes me SO happy. Last week we played pudding pictionary. This was one of my favorite activities I've ever had. Warning though - "that's it!" moments tend to lead to pudding flying through the air. [The bad part of this was that I had a gallbladder attack later that night - you can read my poem about it here.]

[Aubrey, Christine and Andrea]

The Midway Ice Castles were awesome. Way way cool to make a good thing out of the cold winter. Combine that with three boys all to myself, a drive up and back through the canyon, good music and a pecan pie shake, my Saturday was one to remember.

[With Bradley, Sean's friend David, and Sean]

Like I said, my FHE group is awesome. This week we played Bigger or Better. You start with something really small and simple [We used safety pins] and go around asking people if they would be willing to trade it for something bigger or better. We went through cans of broth, soup and peaches and a table top ironing board before ending up with sniper rifle bullets, a WORKING wireless router and awesome lion slippers. It's a long story but basically my group won and I am currently writing to you by way of wireless!!!

[Andrea with our FHE sister McKensey and FHE Mom Lindsay]

If I was really serious about my life being a musical I probably would have created all of those stories into lyrics. But I didn't. Guess Provo will have to wait a little longer before the premiere of Rachel: The Musical. :)

How to Travel Across the Country & Back (in Less than 48 Hours)

2011-02-08T21:13:00.003-08:00

[or of Grad School Interview #1 - University of Rochester]

1. Shower the night before so you don't have to get up and do it in the morning. Unless you are a morning person. Then by all means go ahead and shower at night. But if you are like me and don't really like to be awake without the sun then shower before you go to sleep. Added bonus: it eliminates the need to blow dry.

2. Pack the night before so you don't have to remember things like deodorant when you are stumbling around in the dark at 5:00 in the morning. That way you also don't bother your roommate too much.

3. Check in ahead of time and print your boarding passes. No need to wait in lines if you don't have to be there.

4. Don't check a bag. 48 hours is far to short to need that much stuff and you'll spend an hour waiting on bags. Or they will get lost. Just don't do it. Longer trips sure. Every girl needs her shoes. I know. But three extra pair will fit in a carry on. Trust me. :)

5. But plan ahead for security. Put your liquids (like foundation, perfume, contact solution) into a ziploc at the top of your bag for easy access. Be ready to pull that out at security. Also, wear easy on and off shoes and don't forget to take off your coat. You don't have to take out e-readers but occasionally they don't go through well so just take it out before hand.

6. Now. This part you don't really have control over but in order to have the most comfortable plane flight you should try to have the entire row of 3 seats to yourself. Let me tell you. That is the way to fly from SLC to JFK. Spread out and feet up. Yes please. [In fact, 3 of my 4 flights I had no seat mates. Glorious way to travel.]

7. Smile very nicely at the flight attendants and do exactly as they ask. Seat back up, tray table forward. Keep your seatbelt fastened. Turn off ALL electronic devices as soon as they ask. Say hello and how are you. This will be important for step #8.

8. ALWAYS ask for the Biscoff cookies when flying Delta. You do not want peanuts or pretzals. You want these fantastic little spice cookies. If you've been nice and good in step #7 you'll probably get lucky and get a flight attendant who hands you more and says "Here, have some extra. I know it's hard to stop once you start." :)

9. Buy a Kindle [This actually should happen prior to your flight. :) But you understand.] It makes traveling joyful. You can have your textbooks and your pleasure reading all together in a light little book that fits conveniently in your purse. On a similar train of thought, you should have an iPod available to you by now. [Meaning, you don't have to own one - just make sure you can steal your child or siblings for a few days]. If not, get one. And before you leave home, prepare several rockin playlists [favorites, genres, moods, you know so you can just push play on one and get exactly what you need].

10. Read The Pioneer Woman: Black Heels to Tractor Wheels - A Love Story while listening to country music. You will be happy. [WARNING: This combination of activities may enduce a compulsive need to find and date and kiss and marry a beautiful cowboy. You have been warned. Also, beware that odds of finding said cowboy to New York are slim to none. Not that I was looking.] [Also, you don't have to be traveling to do this. You should probably do it no matter what.]

11. Always travel with an extra pair of socks in your carry on. On the way home I stayed in my tights and wore extra socks because I'd been so cold on the flight to JFK. Apparently when the temperature outside the plane is like -70 degrees the inside of the plane gets cold too.

12. DO NOT buy a pre-made sandwich in JFK airport. It WILL deceive you. Buy your Vitamin Water [go-go zero - my traveling must have], buy cracked pepper chips, buy something fresh but don't get a sandwich in a package. I'm 2 for 2 now in JFK on AWFUL sandwiches. They smell bad and taste bad. So just DON'T do it.

13. If at all possible, climb onto a plane with the real steps, not the airport gate. You will feel famous and important. Cold, but like a VIP. :)

14. Make sure you can read. This seems obvious but really you won't survive multiple airports without the ability to follow signs.

15. Allow the shuttle or taxi person to help you with your bag. Yes, you are a big girl and dragged it through three airports and lifted it into overhead bins all by yourself. But it's their job. They get paid to help with the bags and open doors, so let them.

16. Plan your outfits in advance but if you are an indecisive outfit picker like me [I typically put on 3 in the morning before I'm satisfied] make sure you bring something extra so you have flexibility. Like I just wasn't in a grey sweater mood so I went with a black sweater and red accents that wasn't originally planned into my outfits but was my spare. Also, probably ask for advice from your roommates. They may pair things you never would have for a killer outfit. And on the note of clothes... make sure you are conscientious when packing so that your slacks don't come out wrinkled or with shoe prints on them. Common sense but easy to forget.

17. Act like you own the place even if you have not a clue what you are doing. Confidence is attractive.

18. Be yourself at your first introduction. How you start off your introductions sets the tone for the rest of your interactions with them and you don't wan to give them a first impression of something you aren't.

19. Once you finish your nightly activities, if you have a hotel room with two flat screen TVs make use of both of them. At the same time. A chick flick and ESPN. CNN and CMT. Does it get better than this? I submit it does not.

20. Sleep in a king size bed with a down throw and 7 pillows all to yourself. You will sleep like a baby and feel fabulous in the morning. :)

21. ALWAYS request a wake up call. Even if you set three alarms on your cell phone and set the alarm clock in the room. The phone call will be different to ensure that you get UP.

22. Take a minute to wake up by opening the window and saying good morning to Rochester. Find the beauty in it. Get excited for your day. Then you can start your getting ready routine.

23. Pack granola bars or some other quick food to eat when you wake up. Your body is going to feel weird with time zones and even though you'll probably eat a fabulous breakfast later it will help.

24. Do NOT count on the hotel having toothpaste available in their forgotten items selection. You may have to rely on mouthwash and hurry into the campus convenience store upon arrival to purchase said toothpaste.

25. Listen to your "I'm awesome" playlist while getting ready. You'll feel ready to take on anything by the time you finish. Plus then your brain can't run away with crazy "what if" or "i'm inadequate" thoughts.

26. Be happy when you finish. Love your hair, makeup, outfit. Your confidence about yourself will be reflected in everything else you do and it's not worth letting your appearance decrease that confidence in yourself.

27. Don't be surprised if you are riding the bus to campus and boys don't offer you a seat. You aren't in Kansas anymore Dorothy. And remember to be grateful for chivalry and say thank yous when you get back to BYU and Provo.

28. ALWAYS eat yogurt and granola when on the East Coast. It's fabulous. It's not a sweet yogurt - [you've been warned] But add the granola and it's a killer combo.

29. Be ready to make small talk. You are being evaluated all day and you are going to look stupid if you don't know how to talk over breakfast but then want to talk when you get into the faculty offices.

30. Take advantage of group interviews. It's way comfortable to be there with three people and gives you time to think. But then when you have the floor make sure the things you have to say are worth while.

31. Ask a million questions while you have current graduate students accessible to you. They are one of your best sources for knowledge. Especially when it comes to housing. Or financial aid.

32. Always take a picture of yourself. Even if it's awkward to ask someone to take it for you. You'll never regret taking a picture, only NOT taking one. [A lesson I learned in London.]

33. Note to self: get a GPS. Then when you are driving from the University back to the Hotel with a nice girl you won't get lost. Bonus points if it speaks to you in a British accent.

34. Read a Kindle in a hotel lobby wearing a stellar slack, sweater, heel, and pearl outfit. [WARNING: This may cause attractive men to hit on you beginning with asking a spelling question because you look intelligent. Note to self: Practice spelling. Result: Nothing. Because just as we started really talking my ride to the airport came. Bummer.]

35. Change out of said slacks [less ironing later] and back into jeans for traveling home once you are into the airport. In a bathroom preferably.

36. Don't change your flight to reroute you through Atlanta when Delta offers. Stick with your original plans. [The change was scheduled to put me home 5 minutes later so I didn't want it and then it turned out that the Atlanta plane had technical difficulties and never took off anyway.]

37. Catch up with your sister for an hour while you wait for your flight. Talk just quietly enough that you aren't rude to other people but it's for sure the best use of your sitting and waiting time.

38. Make friends while trying to figure out where your plane is when the Atlanta plane is still in your gate and the screens haven't changed. That way you are at least lost with someone else and not all alone.

39. This was mentioned before, but always, always choose the Biscoff cookies. You will not regret it. :)

40. Don't worry about the calories from the cookies. To burn them off just plan to catch a connection in Detroit when your first plane lands at the far end of concourse C and your second plane departs from the far end of concourse A. This will require racewalking from the end of C, down, through a tunnel, up and down a bajillion long terminal. Technically there is a train but no need. Just move it and you'll get there with calories burnt ready for one more flight.

41. Even if you really want to watch the inflight movie, if you are tired just accept it and go to sleep. You won't make it past the title anyways and you could've had another 10 minutes of sleep.

42. Try to sit closer to the middle or back of big planes. Then you don't have to sit and watch the spoiled passengers in first class.

43. Always write down not only which shuttle stop you need in the economy parking lot but also which row you actually parked in. The lot won't look the same at night and it will prevent you from having to push your panic button to locate your car.

44. Blast the music on the way home. Have a dance party while you drive. Don't worry if people judge you. You don't know them. Enjoy every second of it. You deserve it.

45. Crash into your bed and sleep until 11:00 the next morning. Say amusing things in your sleep to make your roommate laugh.

46. Unpack as soon as you wake up to prevent I'm-home-but-don't-really-want-to-be-and-have-no-motivation-to-do-anything syndrome from allowing your room to hurricane into a disaster area and making your roommate hate you.

47. Download pictures off of your camera and write a blog about your trip. :)

And that's that. Now you know how to travel across the country and back for a grad school interview in less than 48 hours. Or at least now you know how I did it.

A Poem

2011-02-01T12:00:00.002-08:00

Once there was a happy girl

Whose smile could not be stopped by rain.

But one cold Monday night

It was turned to a frown by a terrible pain.

It had happened before.

Once in Scotland after a ghostly tour.

She awoke in the night and cried and cried

Thinking she was going to die for sure.

Of course she didn't kick the bucket.

It was a lack of gallbladder attack.

And from that you can't keel over.

But it made it so she didn't want even a snack.

The doctor took away her gallbladder

During her freshman year of college.

She'd never felt that kind of pain and

Didn't really want the first hand knowledge.

But life moved on.

And generally she felt great.

She learned to eat healthier.

And even lost some weight.

But occasionally her body reminds her

That everything isn't exactly right.

And slowly but surely the pain begins

Which is what happened last night.

"I don't feel so good" and an hour nap

At nine o'clock led to the realization

She wouldn't be running or doing homework.

But instead taking some pain medication.

Pajamas and stuffed animals didn't help too much.

She cried in bed for a while,

Curled up in a ball wishing for her parents,

Sad that her home was farther than a mile.

She gave up on sleep for the moment

And went out to the living room

Where her roommate offered her

A tummy massage to take away the gloom.

The roommate called some awesome friends.

Who came and gave the girl a priesthood blessing.

Which let her fall quickly asleep

Without so much hurting and distressing.

She woke up the next day feeling better

But not good by any means.

And knew it was going to be a while until

She was eating more than plain toast and salad greens.

She started off to work and school.

The walk was cold and she felt yucky.

But then her blues started to fade away

When she got picked up by a friend who was spunky.

And on the way inside she got told she was pretty.

Which makes any day feel bright.

And she started to realize that

Everything was going to be alright.

Her tummy might feel lousy.

But that didn't mean she was alone.

She had friends who would help

As soon as she pushed send on her phone.

She had parents who would take her calls.

And listen to her whine.

And then patiently and kindly remind her

That the sun would still shine.

She remembered to count more of her blessings.

She has grad schools who want her to come.

She has a car to get her where she needs.

She has a job where they don't think she's dumb.

And best of all she has a healthy body.

It might be a little short and kinda lumpy.

But it does everything she needs and more.

So it's okay if today it needs to be grumpy.

71 - 58 (or of getting Jimmered)

2011-01-26T23:54:00.004-08:00

Tonight was EPIC.

The story really begins yesterday when my roommate Andrea picked me up on campus and took me with her to get a wristband that guaranteed my seat in the student sports pass section for tonight's game against San Diego State University.

[Which was a totally amazing thing to do and I will forever be grateful to her for making sure that I could come to this game.]

I didn't finish my homework and I missed part of class but really let's consider the options - being on time for class or having a spot for a basketball game of two Top 10 teams?

Then this afternoon we went up to the Marriott Center at 5:30 and got in our appointed place in line. The doors opened at 6:00 and the student section was soon completely flooded with people.

And then we waited.

Because you see, the game didn't actually start until 8:15. So we had a long time to sit. And wait.

And have dance parties in our seat.

Finally the anticipated moment came: Tip off.

During SDSU's first possession we made them run out the shot clock which began a pattern of what would be a great night of defense during which we of course yelled and shouted at every SDSU possession.

It was such an intense first half. The ball went back and forth and so did the score. They led by two, we tied them, we led by two, they tied it, we led by two, they tied it, they led by one. You get the picture. Going into the half we were down by one. :(

But our boys came back ready for the second half. We were ready too.

They hit some solid baskets and never fell behind again. Slowly and steadily they gained.

We yelled more. Jimmer Fredette had two 7 point scoring runs and took 43 points total.

BYU played crazy good defense. The refs made some lousy calls and missed some obvious ones. San Diego kept fighting. Though at the end of the day the Cougars were just meant to take this one.

I had so much adrenaline going. And I guarantee my throat will be hoarse tomorrow.

But it was worth all the craziness of wristbands, the waiting for hours and all the standing and yelling and anxiety to be there for this:

SDSU, You got Jimmered.
[yep. it's a verb now.]

An Invincible Summer

2011-01-25T21:26:00.003-08:00

This is a screen shot from weather.com taken January 10, 2011 immediately after my arrival at school. Note the "feels like". That is a single digit. Eww. Also worth noting, the high for the day ended up being 19 degrees. That is NOT a high. Today I was talking with some friends and we were saying that it was supposed to be 37 degrees so not too cold. It's pathetic when I think that 37 degrees is a warmer day.

Luckily, my parents equipped me with good tires and taught me to drive when it is slick. That morning of the 10 degrees there was a poor girl stuck in my parking lot in the morning.

However, even with proper preparation, all concerns about my personal attractiveness have now become obsolete and I am a walking marshmallow with a skittle necklace. Or something like that.

Really, I just hate the winter. I know I promised I was going to try to like it more but I'm just craving spring. I want warm sunshine. I want sandals. I want green. I want birds singing.

It's just the grey days and cold mornings and bitter wind just wear on me. It doesn't just make me cold on the outside but it makes me cold on the inside. My mood gets grumpy and sad and frustrated and anxious and impatient and lonely.

I had one of those days last week. I had found out that a proposal for a conference we had submitted for the club I'm secretary for (Stand for the Family) had been denied and I really couldn't understand why and how to move forward. I had just been denied to BYU's MFT program. I didn't want to go there at all really but I started to feel anxious and stressed about my possibilities of getting accepted to other schools. I started to have one of my internal stress attacks where I feel like I will never be adequate and cannot possibly be good enough. And I was feeling the strange cultural pressure that BYU has to get married. I'm clearly not going to be before I graduate and I was feeling lonely.

Really, I was just feeling discouraged.

In between my classes that afternoon I went up to one of my very favorite places on campus: a side room in the Education in Zion exhibit on the second floor of the JFSB. The exhibit has one wall that is entirely windows and there is nothing better that being able to have natural light and to be able to look out across campus and look to the mountains. I like the side room because it is generally empty and quiet but there is just enough going on throughout the rest of the floor that it doesn't have that eerie feeling of too much quiet. There are huge green chairs that are perfect for studying in or curling up for a quick nap. Nothing better. It is a place where I can study, sleep. But most of all it is a place where I can regroup, refocus. Which was something I needed that afternoon.

When I sat down in my chair in the JFSB I looked up and saw a quote that I've seen many times before but that was exactly what I needed to hear. "Keep busy in the face of discouragement." What a beautiful thought. It was exactly the encouragement I needed to keep going that day. Of course things would work out. They always do. And in the mean time I could keep busy doing things that I have control over.

I won't lie to you and say that magically everything in my life started working out perfectly. But slowly but surely things started to feel better.

One of the reasons is that I rediscovered one of my favorite quotes:

"In the midst of Winter, I learned there was within in me an invincible Summer." - Albert Camus

My environment does not determine my attitude. I do. Inside of me is a sunshine that shouldn't stop shining because it's cold outside or because things aren't looking the brightest.

So I started looking for the little things in life to make me smile more. And I started to find them. :)

I had this day.

And one of the reasons is because of these girls:

My roommates are totally weird and crazy [don't worry they know it]. But I absolutely love them. They make life happier. Whether it's watching a chick flick, doing some prank calling, picking me up in a snow storm or singing me a bed time song I can always count on them. They mean a lot to me right now.

And as I started finding the little things to be happy about I had such a good weekend. I went to the gym. We went hot tubbing. I went to the gym. I submitted my LAST grad school application. I went to a comedy at the Hale with my friends Christine and Heather and my Grandpa. Christine and I had a dance party in the car. We baked cookies and gave some away. We cut out pictures from bridal magazines and made collages. We watched chick flicks. We went to church. Aubrey and I took a fantastic nap in the sun. I got to sing in at choir. We watched Saturday's Warrior and Aub & I sang every word. I crafted. We made a full dinner for Tayte and Tyler. We played games with our friends from 228. Monday was almost as good. I went to the gym with Aubrey, made a carrot cake with Christine, went to FHE and got hit with newspaper and made prank calls with my roommates.

I also realized that not only was it easier to be happy by finding things to be happy about but to be happy about the normal things I was doing anyway. Or to add a friend or a good playlist to something that might be unpleasant.

And then today was the BEST day ever. Okay. Not ever. I shouldn't lie. But really it was close. I woke up this morning and went to the gym and got in a good workout before 8:00. I came home for a quick shower and let my hair do its natural curls. But instead of going wacky it actually looked pretty darn good. Then I was walking to school and it started snowing. Right as it started to get hard Lyss and Dan pulled in front of me and offered me a ride! Not only did I get out of the snow but I got to see them! Work was busy which is always good. My capstone class was amazing as always. Then I was studying in between classes when Andrea called and told me that the ticket office was giving away ALL the wristbands for the BYU v. SDSU basketball game today unlike they had previously announced and that we needed to go up quick to get ours! She came and picked me up and drove me home because I'd forgotten my wallet and took me up to the Marriott Center. On the way I got a call from an Unavailable number. Because we'd been prank calling last night I expected it to be a prank call. Instead it was a call from the MFT director from the University of Nebraska - Lincoln calling to personally invite me to come and interview!!!! I was so excited. That's two now! We picked up wristbands, I finished class. When I got home I cleaned the bathroom, watched the state of the union and the music man and am about to finish some homework!

So even when life is grey and bitterly cold, inside yourself there is a sunshine that you can use to find the beautiful things in life and remember how sunny everything really is. The sun always comes out. Spring always follows winter. Good days always come after the bad ones. In the mean time the best way to see the good things is to keep busy and look for and do the little things that make life so good.

So for the next two and a half months until the real sun comes back I'm going to focus on the invincible summer within me.

I'm not counting...

2011-01-20T18:02:00.000-08:00

I'm not counting...

But if I was, I could tell you how many days are left until graduation.

Who am I kidding? I'm totally counting.

13 weeks, 91 days.

Life is good today

2011-01-18T23:18:00.000-08:00

I slept until 8:45.

My hair is fantastic. I got it cut on Saturday which always helps. Plus Aubrey dyed it about a week ago. It's okay if you didn't notice, it's not obvious. But I love it. Darker highlights so my hair actually has some color rather than being blah.

I got a course substitution and a scholarship contract approved so I got to drop one of my classes. That means only 11 credits. And I like all 4 of the classes.

My capstone class always makes the day good. Plus, turns out my parent's parenting is definitely backed up with research.

A random stranger told me they loved my cardigan.

It was warm [relatively].

My roommates make me happy. Ridiculously so. They are hilarious. And so good for me. I love them.

And I got this in an email: "It is my pleasure to invite you to attend our upcoming Interview Day for the Masters Program in Marriage and Family Therapy at the University of Rochester School of Medicine & Dentistry."

Yes, life is good today. :)