March Madness

If you know me at all, you know this post isn't about basketball. I love watching a good game but I haven't been following the teams enough this year to even make a casual comment let alone write an entire blog post.

This is a very different March Madness. This comes from my friend Victoria's father. He is an CES director in Virginia and every year his family and students read the whole Book of Mormon during the month of March.

I'm going to do it this year and I want to invite you to do it with me.

You can see the schedule here. (click on the picture to make it bigger)

Let me know if you decide to do it... I'd love to have some people check up on me randomly to help me stay on top of it!

In other news...

I spent the weekend at home and it was absolutely wonderful.

Eva and Heather came with me and Jenni rode up with us as well so we had a full car. Jessica had made us a mix of music and we just jammed out. We spent that evening visiting my super awesome family (grandma & grandpa, grandpa, scott & jodi & kids) and then when my family got home from the show we played with them. We slept in a bit on Saturday, played Wii with my brothers and then went to the show. Basically it was amazing! So much fun!

Megan is in the middle with the yellow.
Luke was Winthrop... he talked with a lisp for the whole show.
Karl was a townskid and part of the band. He's in the middle... in blue.
Nicole was one of the townspeople. She's the second from the left.

In the afternoon we ran errands, I showed Eva the farm (Heather had already been home with me) and we played games again. We went to the evening show and loved it even more the second time. I also got to see some old friends from high school and one of my very favorite teachers which was so happy! We came home and played a game with Daddy. Then Heather Jean and I stayed up and talked and laughed and teased with Dad and Grandpa.

This morning we went to Stake Conference. I love sitting next to Daddy! Then we came home and had lunch, packed up, got lots of hugs and then drove back. I love driving into Provo and seeing the temple. It definitely lets it feel like home.

In the library

In the library, we are very studious.

But in the library, we start to go a little bit crazy all cooped up.

In the library, we try SO hard to focus. To think deep thoughts.

But in the library, it can be just so hard. So we get kinda goofy.

So in the library, we take a break. Just for a minute. Walk around and fill water, talk above a whisper... and take pictures. Because we don't want to forget how happy we are in the library.

For Future Reference

[cute fabric ballet flats]

plus (+)

[snowy/rainy/slushy day]

equals (=)

zig zagging all over the sidewalk to avoid puddles,

but getting very wet feet anyway.

and wet pant legs

which leads to mild irritation

and wishing even harder for the sun and spring and green grass.

dreading the walk to the taylor building for my mft prep final

and feeling sorry for the boy in flip flops and shorts.

of course, sliding on the slippery floor and falling on my rear.

and learning the hard way to check the weather report.

most of all... amusement at my own silliness.

at least i have my umbrella!

Today's Results

I woke up, sprayed some hairspray in my slept-on hair and left.

Result: Compliments from at least 10 people.

[seriously? why do i go to effort at all?]

I had lunch with Katie from London at the Pendulum Court.

Result: Satisfied stomach and wonderful company

[life looks so much happier.]

I wandered around campus trying to decide where to study.

Result: I ran into Allie and got a giant happy hug.

[even better outlook on life.]

I studied for my 371 (Work and Relationships) Exam.

Result: I was reminded how much I LOVE my major.

[though I still have to figure out what to do with my future. blah.]

I went into the testing center to take my 371 Exam.

Result: I tripped up the stairs and fell on my face.

[seriously i need to relearn walking. ouch... another bruise.]

I took my 371 Exam.

Result: 90% on the multiple choice. TBA on the written.

[happy! love it when studying pays off.]

I went to Allie and John's house.

Result: Happy conversation with good friends.

[married life seems harder and happier... hmm.]

I went to Patrick's apartment.

Result: 24. And studying. Also, they did some moving.

[friends make life so much better.]

I went Visiting Teaching.

Result: Reminded not just to do better, but to be better.

[i love chalay. she is a joy to visit.]

Dan popped my back.

Result: I feel so much better.

[dan is the best roommate's boyfriend to have around.]

I wrote on my blog.

Result: I procrastinated my homework. :)

[i'm kinda done with assignments. can i graduate yet?]

some quick things

This weekend:

Friday lunch with Kennedy - catching up, girl talk and meeting her fiance

Friday night with Aly & Ari - Olive Garden, The Proposal, a puppy, and lots of laughter.

Saturday at Heather's - studying, haircut for Heather, more studying, a nap, Cafe Rio, Spoon it Up, Time Traveler's Wife

Saturday late night with Patrick - talking out my problems and stresses and feeling so much better because of it

Spending the night at Lauren's - pillow talk for the first time in a long time and feeling safe and loved

Church - talks and lessons and scriptures as answers to prayers

Visiting Teaching - and afterward sitting down and talking some stuff out with Eva

Time at Lauren's - talking to my family, WISHING LUKE A HAPPY BIRTHDAY!, napping

Time at Home - reading Genesis which led to my finding of a new favorite scripture - Genesis 21:6 "God hath made me to laugh, so that all that hear will laugh with me."

Evening at Heather's - dinner, studying, dessert night, girl talk

This week:

371 - Exam

371 - Quiz

NDFS - Fiber diet

NDFS - Quiz

NDFS - Exam

333 - Survey distribution

333 - Book Report

333 - Mock Trial

240 - Application Paper

330 - 2 video reviews

330 - Final exam

not to mention work, reading, gym, temple, or sleep.

plus I'm going home friday. so all of this has to be done by then.

wish me luck. or pray for me. or both. seriously.

*Note: I am so blessed. I truly have the greatest friends in the whole world. I do not deserve how much people have reached out and helped me over the last few days/week when I have needed them. I am so grateful for their thoughts, kindness, love and generosity. People of note: Jord, Allie, Sean, Rachel Jane, Casey, Aly, Ari, Jenni, Kennedy, Whitney, Becky, Shannon, Emma, Katie. Extra special mention: Lauren, Patrick and Heather. Some of these people don't know how much they have done for me. Some of them have gone out of their way to take care of me, listen to me, give me a happy place to be. But each of them has been a great blessing to me. I love and appreciate them more than I can adequately express.

Happy moments

This weekend has been full of happy moments. Lots of them.

I had to run an errand for work on Friday and on my way back I walked straight into a bench. This itself wasn't happy. But it was sure funny. Especially now looking back and not in the moment. I think I made someone's day though because the person next to me found it exceedingly amusing and totally laughed at me. I have a giant bruise on my thigh now. I seriously have no idea where my mind was but apparently it wasn't with my feet.

Friday night was one of the funnest I've had in a while.

Heather Jean and I went grocery shopping together... I love that girl. Then Lauren came over, helped me do dishes and then we started preparations for pizza. Patrick and Heather Jean and Jessica came over too. We had 5 pizzas and made them with toppings to match the Olympic rings. As soon as I get the pictures from Lauren I'll post them. It was awesome. We had a blueberry desert pizza (sugar cookie) then a pineapple (w/ chicken bbq), black olive, green pepper and tomato. We put the toppings in rings on the outside of the pizzas so it looked like the Olympic rings. It was AWESOME. Then we all watched the opening ceremonies. It was fun.

It was happy too because Jess stayed the night. I haven't had a friend sleepover for forever so it was so fun to have her with me.

Saturday was a great day.

I didn't wake up until 11:00 which felt MARVELOUS.

Then I went to the Family Support and Treatment Center. I had so much fun. Honestly I always have fun, I adore children and I love the time that I get to have with them each week. But this week was especially fun because we did so many things. We built a house and played with a baby doll (that made sucking motions and sounds when you fed it a bottle!). Then we went outside and built a moat with the sand. There were two brothers and a brother and a sister playing together. They were probably 6-8 years old. The girl had a crush on the younger brother and told her brother. Her brother told the older brother who in turn told the younger brother. They all started chasing the sister who came and hid behind me. They found her and started yelling "You like him, you like him." To which she replied, "No, no, nuh-uh!" The boys got distracted and so she snuck away. The two oldest boys ran after her. The younger one (that she liked) just walked to follow them and turned to me and with the most perplexed look on his face just shrugged his shoulders. I almost died laughing. Super happy moment.

I stopped by Wal-mart for fruit that I'd forgotten and ordered GRE prep books online. When I was done with that Eva and Lyss were ready to go the gym so we all went together. I love working out. It really makes me feel AMAZING. Happiest moment of the day for sure. Also a happy moment was realizing that my treadmill was on a 3.5 incline. I had been DYING and just thought that I was seriously out of shape but then I saw that and was so glad that it wasn't just me.

We showered and then I just did homework for the rest of the evening. I love studying with Dan and Lyss. We probably only get 1/2 done of what we should but they make me laugh. I love it.

Sunday is always a happy moment but this one was especially good.

You were probably aware that today was Valentine's day. I hate Valentine's Day. I think it a stupid holiday. I will admit this is partially due to the fact that I am single and I am ever more aware of this fact on Valentine's day. But in addition to this I think the holiday itself is ridiculous. People go out of their way and spend money on overpriced flowers and ugly stuffed animals. And I just wonder why can't we show love everyday? Why wait for someone to tell you you have to do something? As you can see I'm rather cynical about the whole thing. But people tried really hard this year to convince me to like it. Last night To gave me a rose and two lilies and a sweet note. Then this morning I woke up to a heart attacked door from my visiting teachers and a box of chocolates from a fun boy that Eva and Lyss introduced me to. Then we had a Valentine's dinner (stuffed shells, asparagus, and strawberry shortcake) made by Casey. She is SO sweet and wanted to make it herself just for us. It was so much fun. We had Drew and Casey, Dan and Lyss and me, Eva and To. If it had to be Valentine's Day, it was a pretty darn good one.

In the evening I wrote letters to missionaries (super happy - I love letters from them) and then played a dice game with Dan and Lyss and Dan's cousin, Stephen. We had the funnest time... I haven't laughed that hard in forever. Seriously. It was ridiculous.

Now I'm just writing about my happy moments and I just had the best one of all.

Eva asked if I was going to be up til midnight. I wasn't sure and told her so but I ended up being awake. When it was midnight she ran into her room and came out with a rose and a card for me. The card had Happy Valentine's Day crossed out and said Happy February 15th. She knew how much I hated Valentine's for the reason that the next day shouldn't be any different and so she saved my flower for me til then. She is seriously best. What other friend would've thought to do that?

Lots of HAPPY moments in a weekend = Happy Rachel

Musings

Today in my adolescent development class we were discussing intimacy. Not intimacy in regards to physical affection but intimacy meaning an emotional bond formed with someone where you are willing to share, willing to trust.

We talked about theories on the relationship between intimacy and identity development and about how the nature of friendships change in adolescence.

Then we talked about romantic relationships. And my teacher had us get in groups and tell about our first boyfriend or girlfriend. We were supposed tell about when it was and whether it had true or pseudo intimacy and then what value that relationship had on our lives.

How awkward to turn to my group and tell them that I have never had a boyfriend.

Seriously. I am 20 years old. A junior at BYU. And I have never had a relationship. Not one.

Now being fair and honest with myself. I was 50 pounds heavier in high school than I am now. I had zero self confidence. I didn't have any clue of who I wanted to be. How dateable is someone like that really? Not. But now three years at BYU losing weight, learning to love and be happy being me, deciding who that me is going to be. And still nothing.

[sigh]

In general it isn't something I think about. It's not something that I let stress me out. But sometimes I think about it a little bit more. And I wonder.

It's just... if not now, then when? And why not now? What am I doing wrong? I still have weight to lose - I know. I fail at flirting - I know.

I just honestly always expected to be married at BYU (I know, I know - cliche naive Mormon girl) and now I'm planning a life where that seems to be less and less likely. That's okay. I've learned I can do things with myself, my life. I can help people and change lives. But trying to plan that life for myself when I secretly wish for the other is hard.

It's not like I can't stand on my own
It's not like I don't have friends who will call on the phone
And boys who will take me out
That's not what this is about

Cause I've never missed you before
But lately sometimes I do
And I don't know where you are
Or if there's even such a thing as you
All I know is today hasn't been any different
From any other day of any year
And maybe that's what's wrong
Wish you were here
You've been gone too long
Wish you were here
Wish you were here

(Cherie Call - Lasagna)

I'm afraid I sound cynical or bitter. I really don't mean to. Lately I've just been wishing and dreaming about an unknown someone.

And I just kinda miss him.

Dear Gold's,

I'm so sorry that I stayed away for so long. Papers, exams, drama, my failure of an immune system, and lack of self motivation all got in my way. I know those aren't good excuses. But they are the reasons.

I made a million excuses to avoid you even today. You take up a lot of time. You make me stiff and sore. I leave smelling awful. And everyone there makes me feel so down on myself. I'm not as fast or as strong. I'm still fighting with myself everyday and they all make it look easy. I started rationalizing that I had homework to do. That I was still sick. See - *cough cough*.

But honestly all day I felt gross. Sluggish. I started sneaking chocolate to try to make myself feel better. Ha. Worst idea ever. Chocolate is the flakiest friend I have ever had. He makes you happy for about 30 seconds and then makes you crave more and about thirty minutes later you wish you had never met him. BLAH.

Finally in the midst of my blah I knew that I had to ask you to take me back. In the back of my mind I knew that all I really needed was you. So I put on my clothes, tied my shoes, put my hair up and came to you. I stretched muscles that haven't been used in far too long and then stepped on the elliptical. I set it for 30 minutes. Just that much I told myself and then I can get out of here. But when my 30 minutes was up all I wanted was more. So I got on a bike for 70 minutes. And when I finished that I felt so light and good that I just wanted a little more. So I used the treadmill for 15 minutes. And then because I really did have homework to do I dragged myself away.

I'm so glad you chose to forgive me and welcome me back tonight. I feel absolutely amazing. All the bad feelings and grossness from the last few days is gone. I feel renewed. My insides are bursting with happiness. I feel like I can do anything right now.

I truly need you my friend. You ask a great deal but you give so much in return. Every time I leave you I am a better person. And isn't that how friends should be? Asking, giving and then leaving each other better than before.

I'm writing to you now to promise to visit you CONSISTENTLY. Even if just for a few minutes. You are important to me and if I really expect to meet my goals you have to be a priority. Gold's, my friend, you will not be forgotten so easily again. The best part is I know that if I fill my part of this deal, you will help me feel good and you will help me achieve the things that are so important to me.

Thank you for being patient with me and for helping me tonight.

Love, Rachel

Mondays are like broccoli.

Mondays are like broccoli. Kinda yucky BUT really better than you realize at first.

Today is definitely a broccoli Monday.

I didn't get enough sleep BUT the sleep I got was amazing - I didn't move a muscle.

I woke up late BUT my hair was already straightened.

It was cold on the way to work BUT the skies were clear so now it is gorgeously warm and sunny outside.

I had to deal with an obnoxious MBA student on the phone (no we don't have a lab like Math) BUT I also got an email from the 100 hour board asking about a department question which I got to answer.

I had to deal with Kronos leftovers from Friday BUT I also got to go to the testing center.

I had to search for contact information for someone in Senator Harry Reid's office for a professor to send research to BUT the professor was actually very grateful.

I hadn't finished my nutrition test corrections and was worried about getting them done BUT my parenting class ended up being cancelled so I had plenty of time to get finished.

I had to do nutrition test corrections BUT my dad is the best and lets me call and ask for help.

I couldn't be outside enjoying the day BUT I got to do my homework in the JFSB by the giant windows so I had a beautiful sunny view.

I am missing London so much BUT I am going with Sam and Jord to In and Out tomorrow.

The atmosphere in my apartment is such that I don't really want to be home right now BUT I have the greatest friends who have offered their apartments for me to spend my time instead. (with which friends I watched 24 tonight which was... in a word... awesome.)

In short, it may be a Monday BUT it's a great day anyway.

And besides... if you eat your broccoli - you get to have dessert. So if you get through your Monday - you get closer to the WEEKEND!

A day in the life of me

Wake up late.

Brush teeth.

Do hair in record time.

Run out the door.

Run back upstairs to get umbrella.

Run to work.

Kronos Day.

Parenting.

Talk to Mom.

Settle down to study for Adolescent Development Exam.

Realize study guide is on desk at home.

Walk home muttering to yourself about being a dork.

Talk to little brother and learn all about da Vinci.

Study all afternoon.

Take breaks to eat, drink, call home.

Finish studying.

Drive to bookstore to buy bluebook.

Walk to testing center.

Take exam.

See fantastic next to id number.

Do happy dance in testing center.

Walk home.

Eat dinner.

Listen to music (thanks to Jord for good mixes).

Have smoothies.

Play hand and foot with Eva, Lyss and Dan.

Play blockus with Lyss and Dan.

Write blog.

Read scriptures.

Wash face.

Take medicine.

Brush teeth.

Sleep.

Prosaics

"What if the important events are not the great ones, but the infinitely numerous and apparently inconsequential ordinary ones, which, taken together, are far more effective and significant?"

Today for SFL 371 (Work and Relationships in the Home) we read an article by Gary Saul Morson. It was published in American Scholar in 1988. In it he discusses the paradimes first of semiotic totalitarianism where all human experience can be explained by a system and second of village relativism in which nothing can be known with certainty. He then explains an alternative to "this endless oscillation of absolutes and absences" and calls it prosaics.

Prosaics is a way of thinking that focuses on the ordinary, messy facts of daily life, assuming that the natural state of the world is mess and that order exists through work. Prosaics "questions whether the most important events may not be the most ordinary and everyday ones - events we do not appreciate simply because they are so commonplace" It asks "if selfhood, like all forms of order and unity, is not discovered, but made."

I absolutely LOVED this article and the way of thinking it describes. I'm at a point in life right now where I feel like I'm living from big thing to big thing. Graduation to starting college. Finishing freshman year to moving south of campus. Going to London to starting my third year. Preparing for whatever is next... graduation, grad school, marriage, mission? Living like this is very impatient and right now very frustrating because I don't even know what the next big thing is. Instead of focusing on all those big things why don't I slow down and appreciate and just live each day that I have. There are so many things that I have been learning and experiencing but I often fail to recognize their significance because I'm too busy counting down for something "bigger." Really though, what's bigger than life? One of the points that the author makes is that though we may think that our lives are decided at important and intense moments of choice, they actually are "shaped by the whole climate of our minds, which themselves result from countless small decisions at ordinary moments." He says that because intentions are shaped continually every moment of our lives has moral value. I like this too because I think part of the reason I ignore the small things in life is because I feel like they really aren't important. When I look back on my day what did I do... worked, sat in class, did homework, ate food, talked to some people, went to the gym. Nothing really of significance. But not according to this way of thinking. Going to the gym and eating have value because they help to shape the climate of mind which will lead to the choices I will make in the future. The biggest thing I loved about this article was question of if selfhood is not discovered but made. Think about that... what if it isn't about finding yourself but about making yourself? There isn't a "central core self" hidden deep within you. Instead "whatever wholeness we achiever requires enormous work, which is the effort of life; and that work is never complete... that self which can never achieve unity or fixity changes throughout our lifetime." You are not something to be found but instead something to be made. To be created, built. Through a lifetime of experiences we will become.

Sometimes music is better at expressing what I'm thinking so here's a song that says it too.

"Our lives are made in these small hours.

These small wonders, these twists and turns of fate.

Time falls away. But these small hours,

These small hours still remain."

There is so much more that I could talk about but the point is I want so much to find the value in the little day to day things and to make sure the things I choose to do throughout my day are shaping me for the types of choices I want to make so that I can create the best Rachel possible.

Overdue

My blog has been on hold for a long long time. So this post is way overdue. It is obnoxiously long and full of random, pointless and mostly boring details about my rather uninteresting and yet always busy life. So if have a few minutes to waste... by all means, read on. If not, you really aren't missing out on anything.

Christmas Break. I loved Christmas break. SO much. It was absolutely what I needed to just be at home with my family with nothing to do. We got a Wii for Christmas and so much of the break was spent playing together with that. There is nothing quite so satisfying as punching out your Dad in boxing. :). I read 9 or 10 books just because I could. I helped herd some cows. I baked and ate way too much food. I went to bed way too late and slept in way too long. My siblings and I always sleep together on Christmas Eve and my bed got moved into Megan's room for this purpose. Once it was in there though it never came back out and we had a lot of fun with girl talk. We had a midnight dance party to "Party in the USA" and we decided that me, Megan and Nicole would make a rockin' awesome girl group because we took some stellar pictures. We tried and failed to save the world with the game Pandemic. Yep, that about sums it up.

Back to School. We started again the Monday after New Years. I LOVE my classes SO much. I'm taking Parenting, Work and Relationships in the Home and Adolescent Development for my major. I love my major so much and I love the things that I am doing and learning in each of these classes! I get so excited about it all. I'm also taking Nutritional Implications of Disease for my minor. This is hard. My textbook is no joke 4 inches thick and when we walked in on the first day the teacher had us introduce ourselves with our majors and post graduation plans. It went like this "Exercise science... pre-med, nutritional science... pre-med, nutritional science... pre-dental, exercise science... pre-med" and then it got to me "family life... marriage and family therapy." Can you say awkward? Everyone just looked at me and I tried to explain that I want to study the relationship between physical health and mental health and apply it to therapy so I'm minoring in nutrition. I'm also taking a pre-mft class that overviews the profession and grad schools and applying. So I've been working on gre prep and thinking about which schools I want to apply to and figuring out everything I need to do to go to grad school. (And considering whether or not a mission will fit into all of that). BLAH! But it's good. I'm happy to have a new semester to be starting fresh and to be learning this things. I LOVE BYU!!!!!

Mail. I love mail. And lately my mailbox has been full and it makes me SO HAPPY!!!!! I've gotten several letters from missionaries which are my favorite kind. I love hearing from them and it makes my day every time. I also love writing to people and missionaries are gracious recipients of mail. And on Saturday I got a package from home with a necklace and homemade jerky and a happy movie and book.

The Book of Mormon. I gave someone a Book of Mormon for the first time this month. I've always been kinda apologetic about my religion in the past and have never felt confident about it enough to share what I believe. But this person has been one of my best friends forever and I thought it was important that I share what has brought me so much joy and happiness and direction in my life. It was super scary but I did it and I'm glad about it. I think now it will be easier for me to keep sharing what I believe in the future.

Three-day Weekend! I got to go home for the three day weekend and it was the happiest thing! I only had some reading to do for homework and so I finished that on the airplane and then I had the entire weekend just to be home. We played games, relaxed, talked, had dance parties, did ab workouts, ate yummy food and just had the best time. I love my family so much. I also got to catch up with an old friend from high school which was SO happy. He was one of my best friends and always an older brother to me so it was so happy to be able to see what awesome things he's doing in life now.

Social Life. My social life makes me happy. I have the best friends and I get to do some super fun things. Adventures include: Temple Square trip, girl's nights, game nights, ice skating, volleyball games, the gym, movies (special mention to the princess and the frog), dinners (special note to one with wistie, john and allie), dates (!), smoothies (x2), homemade bread, shopping trips, yozone, lunch with a london friend, pie shakes and dance parties in the car.

Boys. Are. Confusing. I'm not going to elaborate, explain or expand on that. But seriously. Also, girls can = complicated messy stressful drama. Just in case you were wondering.

New Year's Resolutions: My good friend always picks a word for the year. I started this last year and loved it so I decided I definitely wanted to do it again this year. My word for 2010 is.... drum roll please.... CONSISTENCY. I set several small goals but everything ties into that. Physical, spiritual, emotional, educational. So far it's been pretty helpful.

Sick. My immune system seriously fails. I'm sick again. Just an obnoxious cold that really isn't bad but really isn't good either. Blah. I despise being sick. I miss my mom and my home and I just want to curl up with a blanket but there isn't time to slow down. :(

Pictures. An overdue blogpost would not be complete without some pictures so here are a few favorites from the past few months.

Now that I'm caught up... I'll try to be a little be more consistent!