if only in my dreams

i'll be home for christmas.... if only in my dreams.

the plan was perfect:

finish my finals.

pack and do my cleaning check.

work in the morning.

fly out at 3:10.

arrive at 4:25.

be at Megan's Christmas concert at 7:00.

i finished my finals last night.

i did my cleaning check and overpacked my suitcase.

i got up this morning, got ready and went to work.

eva and lyss picked me up and drove me to the airport.

i checked in and did security in record time.

we boarded the plane.

and then... we sat on the plane.

and we sat on the plane.

and we sat.

and then the pilot told us the weather in boise was looking sketchy.

and we sat.

and then the pilot told us to unboard because we couldn't go yet.

so we unboarded.

and i cried.

and we waited.

and i cried.

and they told us we might go.

and we waited.

and then they actually cancelled the flight.

so i got a refund.

picked up my bag.

got a refund for that.

and now i'm waiting for grandpa.

he'll come pick me up.

and i'll go to his house.

then my family was coming down saturday anyway for a party.

so then i can go home with them.

do you feel sad for me?

i sat praying and praying that the fog would lift and we could go. i told heavenly father how important it was for me to get to megan's concert. i begged and pleaded. and nothing happened. we got off of the plane. i told megan and we both started to cry. and then i cried and cried in the airport. but then the tender mercies started. a man and a woman decided to get a refund and drive and they looked at me and offered. i knew i wouldn't make it for the concert so i said no but it meant a lot. then a man looked at me and asked "you really wanted that flight huh?" i got to tell him my story which made a big difference. and finally after i cried once more and settled down once more a girl came up to me and just said "are you okay?" i told her no and she said "why don't you come sit down with me?" she was so kind and friendly, listened to me and let me cry and then gave me a smile and a way to cheer up. it was like heavenly father was telling me that you aren't going home right now... but it's OKAY! i love you. i'm concerned about you. i haven't forgotten about you.

so don't feel sad for me:

finals are over. i'm safe. i have my bags. i got my ticket refunded. grandpa will be here in fifteen minutes. i get to spend a day with him tomorrow. and i'll get home eventually. and no matter what heavenly father loves me, is aware of me and will take of me.

I am FINISHED!!!!!! :) And it overall went AWESOME!

And I'm on my way home tomorrow!

It is COLD.

Thursday, December 10, 2009 while walking to school.

Are you kidding me?

Light at the end of the tunnel

I am in the middle of busyness, crazyness and stress but today I handed in a huge paper and it was literally like a huge blindfold was lifted and I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. And it is closer than I could've hoped for! There is no better feeling than handing in a big assignment. I walked home just bouncing and giddy (despite the fact that it was icy and 18 degrees). With a little bit of help* (actually a lot bit), I just might survive to go home!

*Special thanks for helping me: Mom, Heather, Patrick, Jord, Mom, Dad, Alyssa, Allie, Eva, Mom.

P.S. If you happen to see a white marshmallow walking around campus... it's probably not a marshmallow. It's probably a Rachel all bundled up trying to keep the snowy cold out and the warm sunshine in. :)

Be Still My Soul

This has been a little bit of a hard week (and in someways a hard semester). I've been confused, distracted, frustrated. I've been a little lost and have had a hard time finding my way. This Wednesday in my Family Proclamation class we had an amazing class period. The topic was challenges to family life.

Near the end of class I got a little distracted by some struggles I am facing right now. This is what I wrote in my notebook: "I can't see. I'm so confused. I don't know where I'm going. Five years down the road is empty. I think there can be hope in that. I can choose my future. But right now it has an overwhelming feeling of emptiness, of hopelessness. I don't know who I am supposed to be, what I am supposed to do. I'm discouraged, empty. I just can't see past the here & now. It's almost like I don't have a future." With those words I sent out a prayer in my heart, just pleading with Heavenly Father for an answer.

The class was finishing and Dr. Nelson had us end by singing "Be Still My Soul." I love that hymn; it is one of my very favorites. But Wednesday it was more than just a favorite it was also an answer to that prayer. The second verse was exactly what I needed to hear. It says "Be still, my soul. Thy God doth undertake to guide the future as he has the past. Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake. All now mysterious shall be bright at last."

The words from that hymn came into my heart and into my mind and brought me the peace I was asking for. The holes didn't disappear but the emptiness and discouragement I felt about the future were filled by peace, hope and a brightness because of the knowledge that I am a daughter of God. I was reminded that God loves me and just as he has guided me thus far in life, he will continue to do so. That meant everything. I am so grateful for prayer. I love that when I am being silly and forgetting the things I know I can turn to Heavenly Father and receive peace, guidance and answers. I am grateful for teachers like Dr. Nelson that invite the spirit into their classrooms so that I can ask the questions and get the answers that I need.

P.S. Other things of note: The happiest thing is when your physiology TA says "We are going to do the lab as a class and by that I mean I am going to give you the answers." Research papers are insanely stressful. Especially when they are kinda literature review, kinda research paper but not really either. Temple Square at Christmas is one of the happiest places to me. The Joseph Smith movie still makes me cry. Sleep makes the world look SO much better. Relief Society is probably the coolest organization, ever. There is nothing better than a LONG, HOT bath/shower. Kelli, my Relief Society president, is absolutely amazing. Homemade bread is the BEST part of fast Sunday. Well, almost the best, the Christmas Devotional actually wins that award. A pleasant surprise is a call from a good friend at home asking for your address. Rummikub gets harder when you actually play by the rules. 10 days until finals are DONE. 11 days until I go home. 19 days until Christmas.

This Christmas...

"This Christmas, mend a quarrel. Seek out a forgotten friend. Dismiss suspicion and replace it with trust. Write a letter. Give a soft answer. Encourage youth. Manifest your loyalty in word and deed. Keep a promise. Forgo a grudge. Forgive an enemy. Apologize. Try to understand. Examine your demands on others. Think first of someone else. Be kind. Be gentle. Laugh a little more. Express your gratitude. Welcome a stranger. Gladden the heart of a child. Take pleasure in the beauty and wonder of the earth. Speak your love and then speak it again."

- President Howard W. Hunter, The Gifts of Christmas, Dec. 1994

P.S. Things of Note: I survived my physiology midterm, barely. My grandpa is the best. There is nothing like being with old friends. Thanksgiving was AMAZING. I am grateful for my family. I love stuffing and rolls and leftover turkey and most of all, Aunt Jodi's dip. I still sit at the kid table at 20 years old. My pie totally won the contest (just don't tell Megan). I think Bella Swan makes a terrible heroine. My sister is my favorite person. Rock climbing is awesome. Homework is no fun over break. I actually really truly love working out. There is nothing more satisfying than fitting into your sister's clothes. BYU totally won the football game against Utah in overtime. I'm getting a new roommate. I had to put my puzzle away without finishing it. Boys. are. confusing. Christmas lights are probably my very favorite thing in the whole world. (At least right now.) Nothing makes a day better than listening to Christmas music (The Polar Express soundtrack and Josh Groban are favorites). My entire family got parts in the high school's production of The Music Man and Luke even got a lead as Winthrop. I need to get my brakes checked. The next few weeks with papers and finals are going to be crazy. I have a love-hate relationship with the library. 23 days until Christmas!

While Shopping

Apparently amusing things happen to me while I am on shopping trips. Tonight I went out to buy supplies to make cookies for our ward's enrichment meeting tomorrow. We are having pumpkin spice cookies with apple juice and milk. Yum. What a perfect treat for fall. I purchased 4 large cans of pumpkin, 4 spice cake mixes, 4 bags of chocolate chips, 1 gallon of apple juice and 1 gallon of milk. I piled all of this onto my front seat and was on my way home when my car began beeping at me. Beep, Beep, Beep. What on earth? I have my seatbelt on. Hmm. I look down and to my amusement my groceries were heavy enough that they had set off my cars automatic seatbelt alarm for the passenger seat. Upon further examination I noticed they were not heavy enough for the airbag and that had turned off. I seriously laughed out loud alone in my car. I'm glad that my car is smart enough to be concerned that my pumpkin & milk didn't have it's seatbelt on and was too small for an airbag. :)

4,520,000

Four million, five hundred and twenty thousand. That is the number of red blood cells I have per millimeter cubed. That means I have bajillions of red blood cells because I have a lot of millimeters cubed in my body. I also have six thousand five hundred white blood cells per millimeter cubed and my hematocrit is forty. Those are all healthy values. I'm healthy! Oh and I have A- blood.

Our physiology lab on Friday was a blood lab and nobody wanted to get poked so I volunteered. Apparently I had cold hands and I am a clotter, not a bleeder because it took 5 tries to fill up all of the tubes we needed. But minus one dizzy spell when I was standing up (definitely should've been sititing down) it was fine. It is amazing to sit and look at your blood cells. Each one created to carry oxygen throughout my body. My physiology teacher always talks about the divine architects. I like that phrase. And I thought a lot about that on Friday. We truly are children of God, created in his image. We are loved.

Other things to note from this weekend: The Fourth Kind was weird. I don't believe in aliens and the company made me mad for portraying it like it was all real when it in fact was all a fake. A nutrition test about 14 vitamins is hard. I love volunteering with children. Stake Conference was amazing. I love the chance to learn from my leaders. I LOVED Where the Wild Things Are. It was SO good. Not your typical movie, but still so good. Boys. Are. Confusing. I love getting up at 5:30 but every now and again sleeping til 11:00 is just what a body needs. My puzzle is coming along. Slowly but surely. And now, into busyness... but just one week until I am done and packing for HOME!

Just a day...

Today was a just a day. An ordinary day in the life of busy college student Rachel. Work, class, class, studying, class, a project with Heather, walking home together in the rain, grocery shopping and laundry.

But when Heather and I went grocery shopping tonight I had an experience that made me smile. We went our normal route through the grocery store past the breads and into the produce section. We started together and then drifted apart as we were buying our separate items. I had just finished choosing some zucchini and moved over to buy some red and green peppers. I looked over them, and then started to feel around to find the ones I wanted. I only go shopping every two weeks so I like to choose the freshest ones. There was a guy standing there just looking at the peppers. He looked at me. Then looked back at the peppers. This was a guy that had the look about him like he's got it going on. He was attractive and just looked confident, like he's got the whole the world. But this boy looked back at me again. And then with the most sheepish face he asked me "How do you choose?" I smiled and showed him the ones that were clearly older than the others and helped him pick out some fresh ones for his bag. He smiled, said thank you and left. I just smiled to myself and thought you should never judge by first impressions because even the confident stranger needs help sometimes.

Forgetful.

Last night I was home alone all night. I wrote a paper, read it to my family and did some other homework. It was time for bed. I turned out the front room lights. Then I went and brushed my teeth then I came back out and got a drink and decided to lock the door since I would be alone falling asleep. I reached for the lock and found it already locked. My heart started racing. What on earth? Had someone come home while I was brushing my teeth? I called down the hallway and stepped into the rooms but found no one. Now I was really freaked out. I went and grabbed a kitchen knife and opened all the closets and looked under all the beds and in the showers. To my surprise and relief there was no one there. So then who locked the door? I went and stood in front of it and tried as hard as I could to remember when I possibly could've locked it. But I had no success. I have no memory of locking that door. I am a rather forgetful person. I have been known to forget what I am saying in the middle of saying it and I have to use my planner or I get all discombobulated. But this takes my forgetfulness to a whole new level. Never before have I completely freaked myself out because I forgot something. Good grief.

For SFL 100.

Here is an example of what I am working on this week. This is for SFL 100 (Strengthen Marriage and Family). The assignment was to write a sacrament meeting talk about a principle found in the proclamation.

The second paragraph of The Family: A Proclamation to the World states “All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny.” (The Family, ¶ 2). From this simple statement we learn several truths to help us in our journey through mortal life.

The scriptures state “I, God, created man in mine own image, in the image of mine Only Begotten created I him; male and female created I them.” (Moses 2:27, The Pearl of Great Price). I am currently taking Physiology, which has again and again helped me to understand that it is not by chance or accident that we were created. One one thousand. In that one second your body just created two million new red blood cells. Two million. And each of those cells will be used to carry oxygen throughout the body. President Gordon B. Hinckley taught it this way, “Our bodies are sacred. They were created in the image of God. They are marvelous, the crowning creation of Deity. No camera has ever matched the wonder of the human eye. No pump was ever built that could run so long and carry such heavy duty as the human heart. The ear and the brain constitute a miracle. The capacity to pick up sound waves and convert them into language is almost beyond imagination. Look at your finger and contemplate the wonder of it. Clever men have tried to match it, but have never fully succeeded. These, with others of our parts and organs, represent the divine, omnipotent genius of God, who is our Eternal Father” (Hinckley, 1996, p.46). Elder LeGrand Richards states “There are many who think their bodies are their own and that they can do with them what they will, but Paul makes it plain that they are not their own, for they are bought with a price, and that ‘If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy; for the temple of God is holy, which temple ye are’” (Richards, 1966, p.380). If we understand these sacred truths about our creation in the image of God, we will desire to obey the counsels regarding our bodies. We will live Word of Wisdom. We will not allow our bodies to be covered with tattoos or excessive piercings. We will dress modestly. We will obey the law of chastity. Ultimately, we will treat our bodies with respect and reverence.

The next truth we learn is that each of us is a “beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny” (The Family, ¶ 2). Little children learn early the words to the song “I Am a Child of God” but how many truly understand the magnitude of those magnificent words? At a recent Church Educational System Fireside, President Dieter F. Uchtdorf told the story of The Ugly Duckling and then said, “Much of the confusion we experience in this life comes from simply not understanding who we are. Too many go about their lives thinking they are of little worth, when in reality they are elegant and eternal creatures of infinite value with potential beyond imagination” (Uchtdorf, 2009). He went on adding, “You are something divine. More beautiful and glorious than you can possibly imagine. This knowledge changes everything. It changes your present, it can change your future. And it can change the world” (Uchtdorf, 2009). We know from scripture that “the worth of souls is great in the sight of God” (D&C 18:10, The Doctrine and Covenants). Once we learn this truth for ourselves a further understanding of it will help us in interacting with those around us. Joseph B. Wirthlin taught “Jesus Christ is our greatest example. He was surrounded by multitudes and spoke to thousands, yet He always had concern for the one. “For the Son of man is come to save that which was lost,” He said. “What man of you, having an hundred sheep, if he lose one of them, doth not leave the ninety and nine in the wilderness, and go after that which is lost, until he find it?” This instruction applies to all who follow Him. We are commanded to seek out those who are lost. We are to be our brother’s keeper. We cannot neglect this commission given by our Savior. We must be concerned for the one” (Wirthlin, 2008, p.17). It is our responsibility to first apply the knowledge of our divine nature to ourselves. We must learn and act upon the knowledge that we are children of God. Then it is our duty and privilege to reach out to others in service and love.

I testify that we each were created by a loving Heavenly Father and that because of this we have the potential to become like him. Our loving Father created a Plan of Happiness to allow for our return to him. This included the need for a Savior. I bear testimony that Jesus is the Christ, that his Atonement is infinite and eternal. He suffered and died for each of us. I witness that we each are of infinite worth and that each of us has a purpose. We are loved.

I close with the words of our prophet, Thomas S. Monson, “Each of us should remember that he or she is a son or daughter of God, endowed with faith, gifted with courage, and guided by prayer. Our eternal destiny is before us. The Apostle Paul speaks to us today as he spoke to Timothy long years ago: “Neglect not the gift that is in thee.” “O Timothy, keep that which is committed to thy trust.” At times many of us let that enemy of achievement—even the culprit “self-defeat”—dwarf our aspirations, smother our dreams, cloud our vision, and impair our lives. The enemy’s voice whispers in our ears, “You can’t do it.” “You’re too young.” “You’re too old.” “You’re nobody.” This is when we remember that we are created in the image of God. Reflection on this truth provides a profound sense of strength and power” (Monson, 2004, p.67). It is my prayer that we will each remember that we are all created in the image of God, beloved spirit sons and daughters of heavenly parents, with a divine potential and infinite worth.

Slow Dance

Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask "How are you?"
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?
You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say "Hi"?
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift....
Thrown away.
Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.

Slow Dance, by David L. Weatherford

This was shared by one of my FHE sisters tonight. It was definitely a thought I needed to hear tonight. The next two weeks are going to be INSANE. Between now and next Monday when Thanksgiving Break starts I have four midterms, two big papers, a diet analysis, 10 quizzes, and 2 reading assessments. It would be easy to get caught up in it all and focus on myself. Easy to run around like crazy and forget about all the people in my life. Easy to let the little things slip away from importance. But the thought shared tonight helped me find perspective and focus. So my goal for the next two weeks is to work ridiculously hard when I am working so that I work through all the things I need to and still have time for the other things in my life.

P.S. Happy thought(s) for the day... Our nutrition teacher had us scheduled to take a quiz over a new chapter in the middle of the midterm. That happened last time and I just guessed on the quiz because I didn't have time to read because I was trying to study for the midterm. So instead of letting myself fail again I raised my hand in class and asked him to change it. He agreed and I became the hero of the moment. Also, as I was leaving class I realized I was missing my jacket. I had been sitting on a bench just before class and must have left it there. I went back out hoping it might still be there and to my joy it was! Oh I love BYU!!!

Life lately.

Note: This is an obnoxiously long post; only read it if you are bored or really really care.


I despise getting behind in my blogging. Because I feel like I can't blog again until I catch up. And that usually takes more than the few minutes I have to spend on blogging a day so then I don't do it but then I've gotten further behind and so then it takes even longer to catch up and in the end I am where I am now... a whole month gone by without any substantial blog posting. Sorry to my future self for missing wonderful things that deserve being written about and sorry to the five people who read this. I will now spend some time doing a general catchup of my life and then resolve myself to stay more on top of it from here on. (ha. we'll see.)

I think the quickest and most effective way to explain my life as of late will be to explain how I am doing academically, physically, spiritually, emotionally and socially.


Academically: School is hard. But I love (and I mean really truly love) my major/minor. I know without a doubt that I ended up in the right place. Physiology is kicking my butt. The test I failed... that was in that class. But I'm studying hard and it'll all work out. On the plus side... just a week after I failed that test I totally rocked my nutrition test so obviously I'm not a complete failure. (Yes, that thought crossed my mind.) My family life classes are going well and I LOVE D&C from Brother Richardson. Next semester should be good. I'm going to be taking 3 normal classes, 1 MFT seminar (to make sure that is what I want to do) and then I am going to do an internship two days a week. Sweet, yes? I'm excited. I also started volunteering at a Family Treatment Center where I get to work two hours a week in the nursery just playing with kids ages 0-11. It is the happiest thing ever. I love it.


Physically: I got sick again and missed another three days of school. That was hard. Plus then in trying to get caught back up in school I didn't get to the gym but for the past week everything has been totally good. Heather Jean has an early morning job so I drive her to work and then go to the gym. I come home, shower and am off to work by eight. We go to bed early and it's been working really well. I'm feeling really good. I lost a little bit of weight in the past few weeks but since then nothing has moved. But my shape is definitely changing. I had to retire two blouses today because they are too big and my newest jeans are falling off. So I'm doing something even if the scale hates me. I'm still working on it.


Spiritually: The only reason I need to tell you about this aspect of my life is because I absolutely love the gospel. I am so blessed to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It is means everything to me. Being here at BYU is a wonderful opportunity for me right now. Last week we had a CES Fireside by President Uchtdorf. If you have time you should watch it. It was absolutely AMAZING. Truly this is a man called by God. His talk was inspired if only just so that I could hear it's message. He taught that no matter what our trials we need to remember who we are, where we came from and where we are going. He told the story of the Ugly Duckling and told us to see our real reflections, to know that we are beautiful. You really have to watch the talk to have any idea of the impact it had on me.


Emotionally: The last while has been filled with some rocky times. I hit a bottom and wasn't sure what I was going to do. Then I had some experiences where I was reminded that I don't have to do everything and that even more so I don't have to be perfect in all I do. I need to remember to focus on the climb not the destination and how fast I'm getting there and if I'm doing it exactly right. The trouble is I sometimes am very self critical. I set goals for myself and even if I make progress I doubt myself, I question. I have a hard time believing in the worth I know I have (why President Uchtdorf's talk meant so much). But with some prayer, fasting, faith, help from friends and family and inspired words from prophets (see previous post with quote from President Monson as well) I realized that I was dragging myself down, that ultimately I know the answers and I have to choose to live them. So I did. And this week since then has been amazing. I have been blessed with opportunities to reach out from myself, to help others. I don't know if any of that made sense. But the reality is I'm so happy to be me. I wouldn't choose my life to be any different and I am so grateful for the ups and the downs that come. Because both help me to learn and grow. And isn't that point of being here?


Socially: Oh my. I think I will just let my pictures speak for themselves. My social life is just fantastic. I have wonderful friends. I am SO grateful for the friendships I have developed with different people. I'm especially grateful for Heather. She means the world to me as a roomie and best friend. So here are my adventures from recently in picture form. They include: a play with Heather, my birthday party, a Sunday drive up the canyon, a trip home, a football game, Halloween at Lagoon and a night of homemade pizza and yozone!





















Other things to note:
- I adore fall. (especially of the Indian summer variety).
- I go out of my way to step on crunchy leaves. And when I step on them and they make that wonderful crunchy sound it makes me grin. A giant giddy grin from ear to ear.
- I love my purple leather jacket. (Yes, I have a purple leather jacket)
- Puzzles make me happy. (Although an insanely hard 1000 piece one probably wasn't the best choice).
- I'm applying to be an EFY counselor next summer. :)
- Music keeps me sane. (Current favorites: 5 Browns, Pride and Prejudice Soundtrack, things from Patrick, Narnia soundtrack and Hannah Montana)
- There is nothing better than a Utah Symphony concert and then a night talking to a good friend.
- Cell phones are stupid when they break. But I love my phone and appreciate it so I won't complain.
- Women's soccer is rough but it is not supposed to look like this.
- BYU football makes me happy. Especially when they actually play like the team they are and win 52-0 like yesterday.
- My mom is amazing. :) (So is my Dad.)
- I LOVE my sister and my brothers.

"Remember that when you help another up a mountain, you are a little nearer the top yourself.”

- Thomas S. Monson
“Great Expectations,” CES fireside for young adults, Jan. 11, 2009


I LOVE this thought. So much. Especially when you consider the perspective on life that I am working from right now. (See previous post... it's the climb.) I am so grateful for a living prophet.



P.S. I promise I haven't died. I have lots of stories and thoughts to tell. I'm just trying to do a lot right now and I haven't gotten blogging to the top of the to do list yet. But soon, promise.

it's the climb.

i can almost see it.

that dream i'm dreaming

but there's a voice inside my head saying

"you'll never reach it"

every step i'm taking

every move i make feels

lost with no direction

my faith is shaking

but i gotta keep trying

gotta keep my head held high

there's always gonna be another mountain

i'm always going wanna make it move

always gonna be an uphill battle

sometimes i'm gonna have to lose

it ain't about how fast i get there

ain't about what's waiting on the other side.

it's the climb

you can hate miley if you want.

but this IS a good song.

and right now.

it's my song.

"sometimes i'm gonna have to lose."

i never thought i would say this. but you know what? losing is okay.

things don't have to go the way i thought they would.

i don't have to reach the top first.

i don't have to do things perfectly along the way.

i don't have to do things the way other people say.

because it's the climb that matters.

and even half way up has a great view if you look around to find it.

bottom.

Today was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. I am sick again. So that means missing work, missing more class. It means feeling miserable. It means the little bit of homesick that always happens when I visit home was infinitely worse. But I can deal with all of that. Really, I can. I have an understanding boss and great coworkers who will pick up my slack. I have friends who will take notes for me. I have a mother who is a saint or an angel or both and lets me call even at 3:00 in the morning when I am feeling sick. What made today a bad day was that on top of feeling miserable and homesick, I failed a test. Not completely. But close. It was really really bad. So now I feel bad about myself, too. I'm just so frustrated. I don't know what else to do. Especially because last week I thought I had a really really good week. I was doing everything I am supposed to. I was at the gym every morning at 5:30, showered and at work at 8:00, did classes and spent every evening in the library. I packed all of my meals each night and took them with me. In between all of that I went to fhe, attended a meeting so I can start volunteering at a women's shelter, baked cookies for my visiting teaching girls, went to the store for sick roommates and got ready to visit home for the weekend. I called my parents on Thursday just bouncing off of the walls, grinning because I was "having the best day." So why didn't it pay off? What else am I supposed to do? Something has to change because I obviously have to spend more time on physiology. And on my health. But what? None of those things can really go. So I'm frustrated with myself. Tonight is a hitting the bottom kind of night. But the thing about hitting the bottom is that things can only go up from here. And they will. They always do. The sun will come up again tomorrow and bring with it a new day with new challenges and new blessings. So tonight I'm miserable physically, mentally, emotionally. But I won't let my failure of an immune system or one physiology test keep me there for long. Because bottom is not who I choose to be.

twenty

A year ago today I wrote a summary of my life to that point and wrote out nineteen goals for the upcoming year. I can honestly say that at least in part I fulfilled each and every one of them. It was an amazing year.

Nineteen things of note from my nineteenth year:

- learning to love the library

- phoenix with mom, dad and megan

- declaring my major in human development & minor in nutrition

- not failing o chem

- getting a 100% - perfect score - on an exam in the testing center

- pulling my gpa up to a 3.72

- losing weight

- learning to love running

- J33>J17 & the friendships resulting from that

- stitches on my forehead from snowshoeing

- London.

- London.

- Did I mention London?

- two summer weddings

- things checked off of my to-do list - CPR certification, double decker bus, taxi

- spending a summer at home with my family

- going to girl's camp as a leader

- starting a new fall as a junior

- swine flu

And now my next adventure begins. I am twenty years old. I feel a little bit old to be perfectly honest. But it is a happy old, an excited old. Because I realize just how much life has in store for me. And I can hardly wait. I have a feeling my next few years are going to be some of my best. It is all there just waiting for me to go out and grab. And I'm going to. Do you remember my thought from London - "Change your life"? Well that's exactly what I'm going to do. I'm going to change my life and I'm going to make a difference in the world around me. So goals for this year: To Be Determined. But they are going to be awesome. I'm reaching high, going to shoot for the sun.

I'll have to write all about my last hours as teenager and my birthday itself later... but when I look back on my twentieth birthday I hope I remember that I was happy, excited, and dreaming big.

Something small.

Something small just made my day today and I just had to share...

After my classes I wanted to finish up my pdbio lab so that I wouldn't have to worry about it before next week. I only needed about 10 minutes so I went to sit down somewhere really quick outside. In front of the JFSB there are lots of trees surrounded by different heights of cement that make perfect seats. I wanted to choose a spot in the sun and so I ended up climbing up onto one of the higher edges. It felt amazing to sit in the warm sun. I was very content. But while I was studying all of my pages slipped out of my folder onto the ground. I was sad because I'd have to jump down and get them and then climb back up but then out of no where a boy came a picked them all up and handed them to me with a "Have a good day."

I know that isn't anything huge but it really meant a lot to me. And it made me think about how it really is just the small things that make the most difference. Little acts of kindness, friendliness and caring aren't really very little at all. So my goal for the day... go share that small act of kindness with someone else.

Run.

I am not a runner. But there is something about it that I just love. So after my missing my exercise for a while... swine flu followed by trying to catch back up in school followed by extreme tummy pain... tonight I went out for the first time in two weeks. Heather took me with her on her normal run which is up around the temple and back. I thought it'll be super fun to run with Heather and I needed to go out anyway. I probably should have thought it through a little bit more but we put on some tennis shoes and we were on our way. I ran for a ways, walked a stretch, ran to the corner of the MTC, walked across the bottom of the temple while Heather ran around the top, ran down, walked the same stretch again and then ran the rest of the way back. I thought I was going to die by the end. Heather was so patient with me. I was super slow. But it was worth it. I feel amazing now. That's why I love running. At the end I just feel amazing. The world could not be any better and I am so happy. Running just gives me such a high. I can just escape. It doesn't matter what the rest of the world thinks and what I have to do. I can achieve everything and anything. So when I got back I mapped it on google and I ran .7 miles, walked .3, ran .7, walked .1, ran .7, walked .3 and ran .7. That means my total was 3.5 miles and my total for running was 2.8 miles. Wow. I am so excited. Anyways. I'm really supposed to be studying for nutrition but I had to share my happy thought.

"Blueberries Cure Swine Flu"

Once upon a time Heather and Rachel were sitting in their room being their silly selves when there was a knock at the door. Heather jumped up to go and answer it. "Is Rachel here?" "Yeah... Rach?!" Rachel came out of her room to the door and found a very good looking boy standing there. However, to her surprise Rachel did not know this boy. She smiled and the boy said "I hear you are dying?" Rachel smiled and said "Yes, it's been quite the week." The boy smiled and handed her a box of blueberry muffin mix and said "I can't cook but these are the best... my mom makes them." Rachel looked down and saw a note on the box signed Paul. Paul... OH! Alyssa had a date with an old friend from home on Wednesday and had told him that her roommate was sick with the swine flu. Paul had asked Alyssa to tell Rachel to get well soon. Of course! Heather, Rachel and Paul had some pleasant small talk and then with many thanks Paul went on his way. Rachel then got the chance to read the note on the box which started with "Blueberries cure swine flu." Rachel was SO happy. The End.

**Seriously, this is one of the sweetest things that anyone has ever done for me. A boy that I don't even know just brought me muffin mix and a smile. How amazing is that? I really really appreciate all the the small things and little thoughts that people have done for me while I have been sick.

--Also, the happiest thought of the week: my fever broke which means I am not contagious anymore and that means I can leave my bedroom! I am still feeling rather tired and a little achy but as a whole I am so much better.

Swine Flu.

Symptoms: Exhaustion, Headache, Chills followed by Sweaty Hot (aka Fever), Achy all over, Fatigue, Sore Throat, Tummy Ache

Diagnosis: Mostly likely the Swine Flu

Treatment: Sleep and lots of Fluids

Wouldn't you know the girl who loves pigs would go and catch the swine flu? :).

So Saturday night I was really really tired and went to bed quite early. And Sunday I took a nap which is unusual for me even with too little sleep but I'd had plenty the night before. By Sunday evening I was just exhausted and crashed into bed. Monday morning came far too early and I asked the lady I work with if it was Friday yet because I was just so tired. I called Mom between classes and told her I was achy and needed a nap and then I went home after class and intended to take a 30 minute nap and ended up sleeping for almost 3 hours. And didn't feel better at all. After FHE I called Dad and he told me I was a checklist for swine flu and that I needed to go to the doctor in the morning. I got a blessing and slept. I went to the doctor and he said it could be strep or mono or regular influenza or swine flu but the ending conclusion was that it was most likely swine flu and that I needed to sleep and drink lots of water for the next few days until my fever broke and I felt better.

So that's what I have been doing. And especially the sleeping part really hasn't been a problem. The smallest exertions completely wear me out. Example: yesterday I had to straighten my hair in two parts because the flat iron was too heavy. I'm done with my bed. In an attempt to keep my roommates healthy I have spent no more than 10 minutes out of my bed since returning from the doctor Tuesday.

But all in all, I'll be okay. People have been taking such good care of me. Eva went out and got me Ritz and Sunny D because my appetite is slim to none and I was so tired of toast and water. Lyss and Heather are always cheerful and positive and haven't complained about how obnoxious it must be to have to constantly use hand sanitizer and have a sick roommate just lying around. Austin sent me a text to check on how I was feeling and Patrick sent me a text that had me laughing out loud. Lauren made me a get well card and tiptoed into my room to drop it on my bed. Dix found out I was sick and came and waved and said hello and get well from the hallway. A million people have offered dinner or cookies or whatever I could possibly need. And my favorite of all - Claire and Jessica (two girls in my ward) made me a card and brought me a present. It was a rubber duck (like for the bathtub) and the card said "We heard you are feeling sucky... so here's a rubber ducky." It made me laugh so hard and meant so much. The reality is that right now there isn't much I need. I sleep for most of the day and all night and when I'm awake I don't have the energy to do much. I can't leave my room and I'm not really hungry. So there isn't much anyone can do. But the thought from a text or a phone call or an email or a facebook note or a visit or ducky does make a huge difference. It makes me feel so loved and so happy every time and I appreciate that so much. Really just that little bit of thought is the best thing that anyone could do for me right now.

** Note: This is my 100th blog post. How exciting is that? **

Family Pictures

I love my family. :)

I love PDBio.

Today in class my professor said this. It made my day and made me laugh. So I wanted to share.

Two hydrogen atoms walked into a bar. One said to the other "I lost my electron." The other said,"Are you sure?" The first replied, "I'm positive."

Oh geez.

I may be a nerd for loving that but I do. I really do. :)

One week later.

I can't believe that the first week of school is already done. For me it seemed to go really quickly! I already said this but it is so different to be a junior. My life holds big things in the next few years and I feel the weight of them in all of the little things and small decisions I am making. But I am so happy to be back with my roommates and friends and into school.


A little bit about my classes...
PDBio 305 - This is a little intimidating, a little overwhelming, but is going to be so amazing. It is human physiology covering all of the organ systems with therefore essentially covers the entire body in one semester. So I'm going to be holding on for the ride. But I'm excited. The body is so amazing. Here is just one example of the things I get to learn this semester. One one-thousand. In that second your body just made 2.5 MILLION red blood cells. 2.5 MILLION. So in the time it will take you to read this entire blog post it will have made bajillions. That is unreal.
NDFS 200 - I love nutrition. So much. This class will be a little bit harder than last semester's because it is essentially covering all of the same material but with more depth. We get to go into the whys and hows of it all. I love how much learning about good nutrition has already made an impact on the way I eat and I really hope I get the opportunity to share that with people around me. I love knowing it.
REL C 325 - I am so excited about this class. I didn't have a religion class last semester and I missed it. I get to study the second half of the Doctrine and Covenants and I have a really great teacher. He is very enthusiastic and witty but also very focused and able to bring the spirit. I am so excited to hear what he can teach me.
SFL 331 - This is Infant Development and is the first of my major classes beyond the core. I am thrilled about this class. For one thing, it is about babies. Seriously does it get any better than that? I don't think so! Also it is a small class which means we will actually get to know each other and have productive discussions.
SFL 100 - I know I have been raving about all of my classes thus far, I think that is because I was able to choose a major and minor that are perfect fits for me. But of all my classes I am most excited to take SFL 100. It is titled Strengthening Marriage and Family and is a semester long class looking at the The Family: A Proclamation to the World. This is such a cool opportunity that I have since I am studying here at BYU. I really think that for my major and especially for my life this will be one of the best classes that I will get to take. And best of all I am taking it from the best professor I have had while at BYU, the same professor who taught my Intro to Human Development class and helped me know that SFL was the major for me.


Besides starting classes there have been a lot of other things going on as well in my busy busy life. So just a few of those things and thoughts...


Exercise. I bought a pass to Gold's Gym. I know that's kinda dumb to pay someone else to let you exercise but to have access to the machines and the classes has already been fantastic and especially come winter time will make a huge difference. I love yoga. So much. I know I've said it before and I'll probably say it again... it is truly one of my favorite things to do. I feel so much better not only physically but emotionally when I leave. So I've started into patterns of exercise this past week and they are going to stick. Period. And being back and school with better eating habits and more exercise has boosted my weight loss again. I had kinda slowed down over summer even though I was using the YMCA. But I'm steadily loosing again and I'm so excited. I am going to reach my goal! So regular exercise will definitely being staying at the top of my to do lists.


Weekend Adventures. I had such a great weekend. It is so much fun to be back with my friends! Friday night I cut apart the beginnings of my PDBio notecards. By the end of the semester there will 2500 of them! Crazy. Then I spent the evening with Patrick. We went up to campus and he played piano for me. (Note: he is so good. I LOVE listening to him play.) Then we played night games with some of his friends and then we went back to his apartment and watched Brian Regan which was so funny. "Daddy, why don't dinosaurs talk?... Because they're dead." :) Haha. Saturday I did Zumba with Alyssa and Eva. I don't know whether I like it or not. Probably I'm leaning more on the not side. Then once I was cleaned up I sat down and I studied and I studied and I studied. I was SO productive! Excluding PDBio I got all of my homework/reading done until next Friday! Then starting at the third quarter I went across the hall and with a whole bunch of people from my ward I watched the BYU/Oklahoma game. Let me tell you, it was so great. BYU (ranked 20) beat Oklahoma (ranked 3) 14-13!!!!!!!!!! I love football. So much. I went out right after the game to run some errands (I needed lettuce and a movie) and can I just say that it is a very very good thing that Mormons don't drink! Provo went CRAZY after the football game. It took me more than 20 minutes to go 5 blocks because of the people in the streets. All of the cars were BLASTING music, boys were flirting shamelessly. Oh I just sat in my car and listened and watched and LAUGHED. It just made me happy. But I was so glad that we weren't all drunk AND crazy excited about winning. That would've been bad! The movie I rented was the Hannah Montana movie and Heather, Victoria, Lauren and I curled up for a good girl's night. You may not like Hannah Montana and that is fine but once again I really enjoy that movie. It is a classic, cheesy, predictable Disney movie but it leaves you with that feel good feeling at the end and I like it. Sunday was of course wonderful. I love love love Sundays! Church was great, I think we have a lot of really wonderful people in our ward. We got to talk about gratitude and family and the pioneers and it was fast Sunday which is always extra good. After church Heather and I played guitar for a while which always makes me happy. I hope I can keep getting better. Then Patrick and I drove up to South Jordan and we had dinner and family night with his family. Best part of the night was getting to hold his new niece, Lucy, who is a week old. Babies are... well I don't know if I have the right word but I just love them so much.


Labor Day. Today was Labor Day. Having a day off of school is always so nice. I slept in a little and then went to the gym and biked 15 miles and ran 2. I did dishes and got ready after that and then Heather and I took Eva's and Lyss's bikes and rode down to the Provo River and read and had a picnic dinner for the evening. That brought the days biking total to 20 miles! I feel awesome! FHE was fun. I love having that every week. And then I got to talk to my mom! What a good day!





Thinking. So I've been thinking a lot. I tend to do that lately. It's a little bit frustrating sometimes but I've got something I wanted to share. The first day of class my religion professor, Brother Richardson said something to the effect of making the choice to be a participant in life versus life happening to me. I really liked that thought and have really been thinking about how to put into action. One of the things I came up with is going to be a goal for this semester. I'm going to be focussing on stress. I am going to make an effort to not stress about things that I don't have control over. If I can change something, do something, etc. about whatever thing then I can stress about that thing. But if it is something that is out of my control, whether it be because of roommates, friends, teachers, work, life, etc... I want to try to not stress about that thing. Because it really is pointless. And then with the things that I know can change I want to make the effort to actually DO something to change that stress. In this way I hope to actually participate in my life rather than just watch things happen to me. I don't know if that actually makes sense, it does in my head.


Anyways the point of all of this is that I'm so happy for what this new year can bring!

Weekend and Back to School!

This weekend was great. A couple of things about it... I love Friday afternoons after working a full day. It is the best feeling to be free! I came home and bought my parking pass. I got the best spot. I was SO excited. I only have one car next to me and then empty space on the other side which will make parking this year SO much easier. $80 is expensive but it is worth it to have a spot and to keep my car underground. Patrick and Jordan came over on Friday night. It is so happy to have good friends. I appreciate them so much. Saturday morning I helped Heather unpack and then we went and worked out together. Having Heather back has been just the best thing. She makes me so happy. In the afternoon I read a book, did some cleaning and decorating and then Eva came home! We were all back together again! Hooray!!! We went to the grocery store and then knocked on people's doors to come over for a game night. It was kinda strange to knock and have different people open the doors. It'll be fun to have new friends but I kinda miss some of the old people too. Sunday we went to church. I love our bishopric. So much. So so much. It was the best feeling to have Bishop know my name and smile and welcome me back. So welcoming. Knowing that he loves and cares for us means so much to me. Not that a new Bishop wouldn't. Just that already having them be the same meant a lot to me. I worked on a cross-stitching project in the afternoon and then I made cookies. At home, Mom has a tradition where she always has cookies waiting for us after the first day of school. I missed that so I decided I needed to make my own. I took some to friends and then went to sleep.

I rolled all night with that inevitable first day of school feeling. I woke up this morning and went to work then to classes. Today I had PDBio 305 and Nutrition 200. I'll describe them in more detail later. I'm a little intimidated but very excited. This afternoon I spent finishing my project and listening to music. FHE was a bunch of games. I think we'll have a fun ward. Now I need to get stuff ready for the morning and get to sleep! I'm going to work really hard on having good habits this semester so now it's early to bed so I can rise early!

Sunset

Yesterday evening I drove to Salt Lake to pick Heather up from the airport. It was late in the evening and the sun was just setting. It was simply beautiful. I can't describe to you how amazing the red and organge and yellow colors were behind the dark outline of the mountain. I love sunset. It is probably my favorite time of the day (especially during the late summer and early fall). The temperature starts to cool down. The busyness of the day begins to slow. And it is such a perfect time to sit and talk or to ponder. That was last night. I was driving by myself and I just pondered on life. In growing up, I've been thinking, life isn't easy. And yet even in the hard moments, the sad things, the trials, it can be beautiful. So I got to thinking about how grateful I am for the things Heavenly Father has given me to help me through my trials. I am so blessed by the chance to be alive right now. To have been born to my parents. To be a student at BYU. To have friends. To have small and yet so important things like a car and music. Most of all to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and to have a testimony that I am a daughter of God, that I have a Savior who died for ME. While I was driving and looking at the sunset I really thought a lot about just being me. I got the chance this summer to spend a lot of time with myself. And it wasn't always easy. But I think I'm learning (notice the present tense) to love myself. For who I am, for who I'm not, for who I can become. And it makes me happy. Anyways, I love sunset.


(One more quick thought - I LOVE my roommates. I was SO happy to have Lyss and Heather home last night. Heather and I laughed and talked in the car forever and Lyss and I already ended up staying up late talking. It is so good to be back together. Now we just need Eva on Saturday and it will be time for new fall adventures!)

Random Assortment of Thoughts

A random assortment of my thoughts and doings from the day:

I am officially unpacked and moved in. Today I finished little things left to do - I unpacked my desk and knick-knacks, hung my pictures, hemmed and hung the new shower curtain. The only thing I haven't done yet is wash the quilts from our couches. I'll do that tomorrow before I go pick up Heather Jean from the airport. Yep, she and Alyssa come home TOMORROW! I'm so excited.

I strongly dislike working for 8 hour shifts. I had forgotten how hard it is to work that long. I remember now. I love my job. Don't get me wrong. I'm starting my third year with the Department of Statistics and I love working there. I love my boss, I love Jordan, I love my other coworkers, I love the professors. It has been a perfect fit for me. But. Not for 8 hours at a time. I will be happy when Monday comes and I go back to working my normal 20 hour week.

I feel so strange to be a junior (technically a senior by credits... though it is going to take me 2 years to finish still so I've just been calling myself a junior). When I was younger I always imagined starting college and what that would be like and I always imagined myself getting married and starting a family, etc. but to be honest, I never really thought very hard about what would happen in between there. Oh I knew I would go to London and I thought of random things like that but really I never imagined this time of life in my head. So now that I'm here, it's a rather odd feeling. Not a bad thing, just a little weird. And I guess the next thought is trying to figure out what I am doing now that I am here. Obviously school for fall and winter. Then I have a spring and summer to decide what to do with. Then I have one more fall and winter til I graduate. And from there I have more choices. Do I want to serve a mission? Or do I want to go straight to grad school? And of course in the midst of all of this is that my ultimate goal is to be a wife and mother. And that might change all of it. Maybe I never imagined this time of life because I probably couldn't have if I tried since it is so full of choices and decisions and change. Ah.

I miss London. That sounds a bit pathetic. I was only there for two months... it shouldn't be that big of a deal right? Wrong. Dead wrong. It had a huge impact on me and I think will always be a little bit a part of me. People keep asking me about my trip. I cannot give them a good answer. Uh. It was amazing. I loved it. Probably one of the best experiences I've ever had. Not only did I get to see and learn history and take my pictures but I learned about myself. Blah, blah, blah. Doesn't even come close to doing it justice. The reality is no one will ever really know or understand what that trip meant to me. Because even the people who went with me didn't have my experience. It was mine. And I value it so much. But right now, I'm missing it. So I'm going to do some of the things that I loved in London. BYU Museum of Art, Springville Art Museum, Thanksgiving Point Gardens, lots of walking, lots of thinking, lots of being me. Anyone want to come? You're invited!

The other thing is that I don't want fall to come and have myself fall back into my old habits, my old routines, my old me. We're living in the same place, I'm working in the same place, I'm taking classes like always. And I think it would be really easy to just go back to who I was. But I learned so much this summer. And I just can't lose that. So I am going to make a conscious effort to focus on taking the things I learned in London and at home and applying them to the BYU version of me. I'm betting easier said than done. But I'm going to work on it. I have different goals, priorities, plans and I'm not going to let anyone else change those for me.

One more thought from my day was gratitude. I was feeling kinda frustrated about how much my textbooks had cost me, how long my day at work was, and how empty the apartment was to go home to. But then I realized that I get to go to school. And not only that I get to go to school here at BYU. I am so blessed by everything about this university. Then, yes, 8 hours is an awfully long time, but the reality is I have a job! And it is a good job. I get paid well, I'm happy there, It is on campus. And even though my evening was a little bit lonely in my apartment at least I have a place to live. And it is a wonderful apartment. It looks at Y Mountain, is close to campus, is clean. And best of all, tomorrow it won't be empty anymore, because my roommates will be HOME! So I realized that I had absolutely nothing to whine about. Nothing.

My life is so full of blessings. I'm happy. And that is the perfect way to end this very long, very wordy, mostly pointless post. I'm happy. And I'm grateful for that.

Summer at Home and Back in Provo

Obviously I did not really write over the summer. This is for several reasons. First, to be perfectly honest I was just lazy. Second, much of why I blog is for people like my mom at home to be a part of my life and I was with them so I didn't need to blog for them to know what was going on. Third, I think I just needed a break. Writing is usually very therapeutic for me but sometimes it becomes a stressor instead. So I just took a break. And last, I just didn't feel the need to share anything that was going on. Not that it wasn't happy or exciting or adventurous or silly or sad or hard or whatever else I usually blog about it. It was just I felt content with being quiet for a little while. At any rate, I'm back in Provo and before I move on with my new adventures and stories I'd like to share a few pictures and memories from my summer at home.



I went on the best double date this summer!!! I say double date because I had TWO dates. And they were pretty darn attractive if you ask me! My brother and my cousin to me out to see Night at the Museum 2. I loved it. It was a really fun movie and a really fun night!

We went on a camping trip up towards Montana. It was my family plus my cousins which was so much fun! We stayed in a campground just inside of the Idaho border and for one day we drove up into Montana and went to a sapphire mine! It was so much fun. Everybody loved it and in the end we found about 12 sapphires that are getting heated and cut so we can make them into jewelry. I was so dirty and sweaty and gross but I loved it. Camping is one of my favorites things! I love love it.

A huge part of the summer is obviously getting ready for and going to the fair. I love the fair so much. It has been a huge part of me for a long time and it was so happy to spend time there again. Luke showed a steer this year. He did very well. Nicole and Skyler also showed steers. Both of them did really well too. And I think they all had a lot of fun.

Right after the fair I got to go to Girl's Camp. This year I was a leader though which was a very different experience. I felt a little bit out of place all week. I don't fit with the girls anymore. And yet I don't fit with the leaders either. Hm. But I learned so much. And had such a good experiencing getting to serve with the stake leaders. They are such good examples to me of the kind of woman I am striving to become. I made a little basket that is on my desk now to help me remember camp. I'm SO glad I got to go.


A lot of my summer was just family. I can't explain how much I love them. It was different being home. They always say you can never go back. And they are right. I didn't quite belong there. I really do have a second home in Provo now and so Caldwell isn't really complete. But spending time with my family was the highlight of this summer. These pictures were from a trip to Utah. They make me laugh.


I got to do a lot of crafting and reading and things like that this summer. I don't make time for them during the school year but I did while I was at home. My mom helped me make an apron (it's reversible, that's why there are two pictures) and a pillow. It was so much fun to spend time with her.

Right before I came back to school I got to go to a bridal shower for my friend Jill (in green). It was just the best to be back with my friends again. It was like nothing had changed except that we had new adventures and dreams and plans to talk about. I love those girls so much.

And now, well, I'm back to Provo. I drove down on Saturday and with Patrick's help unloaded my very packed car (thanks Dad!). I started work on Monday and I bought my textbooks. Today I'm getting my haircut. Then I'll be cleaning and unpacking since the girl who lived in my room for summer is moved out. The rest of the week is a little bit lonely looking until my roomies come home. But that's okay. I'll find something to do. And honestly I'm happy to be back in Provo. For now it really is home.