Tonight I came out of session to a full on thunderstorm. It was POURING outside. I was SO happy! I headed out to my car and after dropping a friend off at hers I decided that since I was already wet I may as well just enjoy it so I got back out and started running and splashing and twirling in the rain. I LOVE rain. Love. Love weather - wind, rain, clouds. But especially more so now that I live in Vegas and it is so exceptional.
I'm so happy and content now drying in my sweats at home. What a perfect ending to a long day of work and clients.
And for your enjoying pleasure: Luke Bryan. This man knows what he is talking about. Where I come from rain is a good thing!
Today was one of my long days on campus. And by on campus today I mean in the MPE building. I seriously live in that place on Wednesdays excepting our weekly little jaunt out to Cafe Rio for lunch.
The first thing I have is supervision with my professor and one of my classmates. I love supervision. There is no way I could get through seeing my clients without working with my professor and processing with my classmates.
Today I was sitting there listening to my classmate discuss her case when I reached up to touch my ears and realized that I had on two totally different earrings. One of them has a sparkly thing and then is long and dangly with two pearls while the other is just a small tiny little pearl. I just grabbed pearls on my way out the door this morning and must have accidentally grabbed one of each! Oops!
I smiled at myself and when my professor commented I explained my situation. We all had a good laugh about my silly mistake. You are welcome to laugh too. Some days are just like that!
Interestingly though I found out that my professor doesn't have her ears pierced either! I've never really met anyone outside of my family like that. Her words were - I don't see the point of putting holes in my body for fashion. I'd never taken it that far but I like it. Dad wouldn't let us when we were little because he didn't want it infected and by the time I was older I didn't see the point.
One of my biggest flaws is that I am extremely self critical. I have been since before I can remember. Sometimes this trait is really beneficial - it means I push myself to be better and am constantly looking for ways to improve. However, it also means that sometimes I am overly critical and it gets in the way of me accomplishing things.
Recently I found this quote and it has been really important for me.
"Don’t worry about how inexperienced you are or think you are, but think about what, with the Lord’s help, you can become."
I really find myself feeling this way in a lot of areas in life, dating, my therapy, finances, healthy living. I am so inexperienced. But that's not what I should focus on. I should focus on the potential I have and I should focus on the fact that the Lord is going to help me do that.
Totally changed my attitude in the past few weeks and even though I am really overwhelmed (bridal shower, RS lesson, 4 page paper, trip home, 8 page paper and presentation, group paper, 8 page paper, kate's wedding all in the next three weeks - not to mention normal daily tasks of working, seeing clients, etc...) I have been actively trying to not be discouraged.
It's hard and I really have to work to change my self talk. But slowly but surely it's working. And wouldn't you know it - I kinda like the girl in the mirror.
my professor passed out crayons today. which was a good thing because i have zero attention span for class anymore. 3 hours is simply too long to have to sit still!
she told us to color our favorite childhood memory.
i drew lake powell of course.
we leave in 51 days for our trip this year. i am SO excited.
so my question to you: what would your drawing have looked like? what's your favorite childhood memory? why?
i have a compulsive need to be caught up before i write something new on my blog.
if i haven't written in a while i feel like i have to catch up before i write again. the problem with that is that it usually takes a little bit of time to write a catch up. so it's hard to do. because i'm busy. but the problem is that in not catching up right away i get farther behind and the amount i have to catch up just gets bigger and bigger. until all of the sudden it's been four months since i last blogged. which is crazy! i've had this blog for four years now and i've never gone this long without writing.
so i finally decided that i wasn't going to try to catch up. i'd write a quick list of things to note from the last few months and then start trying to do it right now.
so things to note from the past four months:
i still completely love my job. and based on the amount of time we spend together and things we do i'm in a relationship with sarah [the blonde]. work. late night study groups. cafe rio and chipotle. movies. happy hour sushi. sleepovers. running. shopping. good think i really enjoy her!
i still have a 4.0! but i spend absurdly long days at school. like I leave at 7:15 am and get home around 9:00 pm about three days a week. i have class, work and i am now seeing clients. it is hard. and i am not good at it. but i'm learning. and i think i like it. [picture is late night in the elevator leaving the clinic.]
i went home for spring break and aubrey came to visit me in vegas.
i visited my sister in cedar city and met her puppy miley.
i'm "running to london". i put a dollar in a jar for every mile i run. my plan is to go during spring break next year. i doubt my money will be enough to pay for my whole ticket but my hope is to have it be enough for my spending money. my goal to become a runner. i'm signed up for a 5k and a 10k in the next few months so no turning back. i've lost 15 pounds since the start of the year. super happy.
i went to san diego for the first time.
i hiked to the top of lone mountain.
my family and i went to tuacahn and to the shakespeare festival and had a lovely weekend.
i learned to wakeboard.
There were a million other things but like I said - this was meant to be a fast and quick catchup. My intentions, but no promises is to be good about blogging again. We'll see. But there are a few things from my past four months!
having a great hair day with little effort on your part.
blasting Kelly Clarkson on your morning commute.
having a job you love with people you love working with.
walking across campus in the sunshine.
loving the program you chose for graduate school.
becoming good enough friends with your classmates that you can have conversations with your eyes.
finding out that your little brother is turning out to be a total stud.
having your mom text you that your other little brother really wanted to talk so you need to call again.
realizing it's only 15 days until you and your family get to watch the hunger games and go skiing together.
having one of your best friends misdial your number and getting to catch up while you drive.
going to institute and getting the chance to refocus, recenter.
running.
raspberry sorbet waiting in the freezer.
But most of all there is NOTHING better than:
driving home with the windows down, radio blasting after a good workout.
My Thursdays are CRAZY. Work, Class, Work, Institute, Gym. That's 7:00 am - 10:00 pm that I am gone from home. But in reality, I loved today. Is this what I will always wish for Thursday to be? Not a chance. But for right now, for this moment, there is nothing better for me and I am going to be extremely grateful for what I have been given right now.
That was EXACTLY how I looked like this afternoon.
You can even ask Gianna. She was with me when all of this happened.
Here's what happened.
I went to check my bank account this afternoon during my class break and discovered that a $1000 deposit had been made into my account. Upon further investigation I found that the money came from UNLV. I'd already received my tuition refunds and I hadn't set up direct deposit with payroll so this couldn't be from work. I honestly had no idea what the money could be. When I looked in my Financial Center through UNLV's website all it said was Scholarship. But I hadn't applied for any scholarships.
Anticipating an error [UNLV recently charged most of my cohort an extra $1500 in tuition by mistake] I called the financial aid & scholarships office. I didn't want to spend $1000 just to find out that I actually needed to return it to UNLV.
I explained to the woman in Financial Aid that I recently had $1000 unexpectedly deposited in my account. She immediately asked if I was a graduate student and when I replied yes, she explained that the Graduate College had ended up with some extra funds and so had created a scholarship to distribute the funds to certain students. Now, I have no idea why I would qualify. Yes, I am a poor college student. Yes, I got a 4.0 last semester. Yes, I am a GA. But I am sure that there are plenty of people who meet those qualifications. I intend to call the Grad College tomorrow and find out exactly what went down. But in the meantime I asked her to confirm that this was no mistake and she reassured me that she had spoken to multiple people today to explain the situation and that the money was indeed mine.
$1000. Magically in my bank account.
Tell me you wouldn't have made the bank error in your favor face too.
I'm pretty sure I'm going to use it to pay off some of the student loans I have out. Or maybe pay off part of my house. Richard [my roommate Kate's fiance] thinks I should buy a new MacBook, which is terribly terribly tempting.
No matter how it ends up getting used I couldn't be more grateful. I can't think of anything nicer than having unexpected money in your life. Particularly of the variety that has multiple zeros at the end.
Other awesome things about today: I started working with a personal trainer. I'm serious this time. I'm going to finish. And I'm going to do it now. My word for the year was accountability and this is one of the ways that I am choosing to be accountable. Also, I got to do another observation in the clinic. I'm feeling so much less anxious and so much more excited about seeing clients in May. Also, before we did our observation Gianna and I went to dinner. I think she is such a stellar girl. I love my cohort. They are teaching me so much about life and better ways to think and to be plus are so encouraging and awesome when it comes to school and preparing for the future. It was crazy windy today. Like even for an Idaho girl who grew up listening to the wind roar. And I loved it. It made the evening chilly but it was fun. Less awesome but hilarious: I got terrified by a tiny dog on my way into my house tonight. It came out from under the porch in front of me and I jumped out of my skin. And raspberry sorbet. Oh my goodness yum. And in general news: Mitt Romney won Idaho's caucuses [and some other states]. Mom voted. She said it was fun.
Last semester we learned about a therapeutic technique called the Miracle Question. It's used in Solution-Focused or Brief Therapy. Today we studied it again for my Principles and Practices class and I wanted to share it with you because I've spent a lot of time thinking about it.
Basically here's how it goes: [in my words because I have zero interest in going and finding the direct quote from my textbook right now]
Imagine that tonight, while you slept, a miracle occurred and the problem you are trying to solve is fixed. But because you are asleep, you don't know the miracle occurred. When you wake up tomorrow, what would be different in your life, what would be the things you would notice that would tell you life had suddenly changed for the better?
I really like this question because not only do you have to think about what you want changed in your life but you have to think about how your life would be different because of that change. If your wish came true, what would actually be different?
Too often I think I sit wishing for my imaginary perfect life without actually considering the specifics of what I want changed or how my life would actually different. I spend my time waiting for the magical day when things will be different, when everything will be right.
Along that train of thought, it really didn't take me very long to think of the problem that I would want solved. I can pinpoint several things in my life that I want to be changed. However, it took a lot longer to think of how I would recognize the change and what would actually be different because of it.
But as much fun as dreaming about my answers was, the reality is that a miracle is not going to occur and unexpectedly change my life. Sorry to burst your bubble.
I have to change my life. If I want something to be different in my life, I have to make it so.
But I still loved this question. Because once I realized what problem I would want miraculously solved and how I would recognize the difference, I started to recognize specific aspects of my life that I could start to work on right now to actually make this miracle reality. It would be much easier if magically my problems were solved but then I wouldn't get the chance to learn from my experiences along the way, I wouldn't get the opportunity to make daily choices that can lead myself to my bigger goals.
So in the past few days I've been working on making specific plans for the process I need to use to work on becoming the person I want to be. I can't just say that my goal is weight loss and expect to get anywhere. I have to think about what that looks like every day.
One of the problems I have in trying to make changes in my life is getting discouraged because I have a hard time seeing that today's efforts are actually doing anything to get me closer to the long term big goals that I have set for myself. Sometimes it's hard to see that the baby steps we are taking are actually getting us anywhere closer to where I want to be.
So in an effort to combat this thinking I have started trying to recognize small daily victories. I'm trying to be excited for the small successes of a single day rather than waiting to fully achieve a large goal to celebrate.
Because here's the thing. I only have today. I can do my best TODAY. That's all. I can plan and prepare for the future but I have to work on being better right now. And when I do something right, that's worth celebrating if only by having a spontaneous three minute dance party in my bedroom. [Yes, I do that. Don't judge me.]
Today was a day where I was good at taking baby steps. Nothing that happened today was particularly significant. They were really rather small. But they were all things that will help me with the bigger goals and plans I have for myself. It was a day that I am going to bed happy with what I've accomplished.
They were:
cutting my timed mile run down by 1:30 from six weeks ago
increasing my timed situps and pushups by five each from six weeks ago
passing one of my government immigration tests at work
getting the oil changed in my car
cooking and packaging up lunches and dinners for the rest of the week
doing all of this week's homework
pushing through an ab workout before bed
blogging!
See, nothing particularly noteworthy or spectacular on it's own. But when you consider the bigger goals I am working toward, when I think about the person I am trying to become each of them becomes suddenly very important. And worth celebrating. And I mean that. Set a goal, plan a reward. But in the meantime, make plans for how you can recognize that value of today's efforts in making your life different and helping you to fix the problem that you would want solved. Push yourself to do better but be nice to yourself when you make mistakes.
Lately I haven't been able to find the right words to say what I've wanted to say and so I just haven't really said anything. Which has meant no blog posts for you. I'm terribly sorry. I've been writing daily about the events in my life but it's been different that trying to come up with a cohesive blog post. So tonight I'm not going to try. Tonight you get things of note as of late. And then hopefully soon I will share some of the more significant and coherent things I've been attempting to write.
I am in LOVE with Las Vegas winter. I do not think I will stay here permanently. Las Vegas is just too much for me overall. And honest to goodness, I miss the true season changes. I miss snow. [I know. I, Rachel just admitted to missing Snow.] But since I am here now, I am just soaking up the wonderfulness that is Las Vegas in February. It's AWESOME to not have to deal with weather problems while I'm commuting to school. This is a screenshot from my phone last week. 75 in February? I don't mind that at all.
I am currently completely obsessed with this song by Leighton Meester.
Other current music obsessions: He is We, Kelly Clarkson, Sara Bareilles, Rodney Atkins, Luke Bryan, Natasha Bedingfield, Darius Rucker, the Newsies soundtrack, Katy Perry and Selena Gomez. My whole ward now knows about my country music addiction. It's fine. It's me.
I accepted a new calling to teach Relief Society (the women's organization) in my ward. I'd been doing it a lot anyway so we just made it official. I'm thrilled. I LOVE the chance to teach and how much I learn while I'm preparing. Plus, it gives me an excuse to bake and/or craft. Favorite.
I am convinced that one of the saddest sights in the whole world is an empty mailbox. On the opposite note though, I am sure that there is nothing better in the whole world than getting a letter or package from someone who loves you. I literally started bawling at my mailbox the other day because there was a package from my mom inside. It had been a TERRIBLE day and I was feeling awful and I said a little prayer asking that maybe the mailbox wouldn't be empty. When I got there I found a package from home covered in hearts and I truly started crying my eyes out at the mailbox.
I am totally and completely in love with my job. IN LOVE. I leave every single day and tell my mom, my roommate, my classmates that I think my job is AMAZING. I love the people that I work with. I love the things I am learning. I love the type of work that I am doing. Half with people, half computer and organization type things. My supervisor is fantastic. The other staff members I work with are extraordinary. The student workers are so awesome. There are few in particular that I already really really like. And the other GA that got hired with me is just the most darling girl. Look at her. She is GORGEOUS!
The best part of my job? Sometimes I get to make calls to International Students for various reasons. On one Friday afternoon I had to call a British student who at the end of the call told me to have a "jolly good" weekend. You can bet I did, just because I heard that in a British accent. I was giddy over it all weekend.
After we did most of the work on my kitchen my Grandpa stayed with me to help me get the countertop and sink installed and do all of the little touch up things to finish. But on one of the Saturday's he was here we decided to go on an adventure and check out Hoover Dam. He hadn't seen the new bridge and I hadn't been inside the Dam yet. It was one of my favorite days in a long time. Multiple reasons. Traveling in the RV with my Grandpa is my happy place. It means there is an adventure ahead. It means I get to be the little girl and just watch out the windows and see what I can see. It didn't this trip but usually it means a nap on the bed while the road rocks me to sleep. I also loved this trip because one of my favorite things in the whole world is water and so just getting to see Lake Mead made me SO happy. I love that in just a short drive I can escape the crazy city of Vegas and find myself out in nature.
Cafe Rio. Still one of my top 10 places to eat. So glad there is one right off of campus.
Sour Patch Watermelons. JOY of my life. By far my favorite candy. Definitely nearing addiction status.
Provo. Yes, that is a thing of note all on it's own. I love Provo. I ran up for the three day weekend in February and had a better weekend than I possibly could have asked for. That trip is journaled elsewhere but briefly it was amazing because: Aubrey, Andrea, squatting, a crumble, hair dye, Aubrey's parents, Christine, Heather Jean, Aubrey, Once Upon a Time, Target, snow, Patrick, piano, JFSB, Sean, sleepover, Aubrey, Diana, driving. And did I mention Aubrey? In short I have amazing friends, God answers prayers, and we have to learn to be patient, to trust and to move forward.
I'm taking a gym class right now and it is kicking my butt. Hard core. Every day I leave completely beat but I love the instructor and the workouts she puts together and I love the girl that is my partner and I love that my body is slowly but surely getting to where I want to be.
I love Mexican food. Street tacos? Yes, yes please.
Last night I had one of those nights where I felt like I really took advantage of the fact that I live in Las Vegas. We went to First Friday (CRAZY.) where we listened to a band, watched a statue burn and walked in a bunch of art galleries. Then upon finding that I had never been, the girls took me to Fremont Street. That was an experience. Artists, contortionists, a cover band, crazy drunks, and scantily clad women dancing on bars. All underneath a GIANT screen tunnel. And we finished the night at a piano bar. So much fun. It was amazing to have Friday night plans again.
I am pretty sure I am the worst at painting my own nails of anyone ever. When I paint my toes it looks like a 7 year old did it. It is all over my feet and if I'm not careful, it's all over the floor. It's ridiculous. I'm 22. You would think I could do something like that.
I was uncharacteristically impulsive today. First when Kate and I were shopping I ended up buying new shoes and a new dress that I had not anticipated buying. But come on. Look at these shoes. I couldn't resist! And the dress screams Rachel. I just usually am a very cautious shopper. Oh well. I have no buyer's remorse. I love all my purchases just as much, if not more now. Second, on my way to go grocery shopping this evening I randomly stopped and bought myself a gym membership. I've been using the gym at UNLV which I love but it is terribly far away and there have been evenings and weekends when I would have worked out but I've skipped it because it was too far out of the way. So I decided it was worth the money each month for the few more times a week being close will get me. I'd been thinking about it but as I was driving past tonight I literally made a last second turn into the parking lot. Decision made I guess!
If you didn't get it by now: I'm happy. Real happy. The kind that comes from being busy doing good things and knowing they are the things you are supposed to be doing right now.
