71 - 58 (or of getting Jimmered)

Tonight was EPIC. 

The story really begins yesterday when my roommate Andrea picked me up on campus and took me with her to get a wristband that guaranteed my seat in the student sports pass section for tonight's game against San Diego State University.

[Which was a totally amazing thing to do and I will forever be grateful to her for making sure that I could come to this game.]

 I didn't finish my homework and I missed part of class but really let's consider the options - being on time for class or having a spot for a basketball game of two Top 10 teams? 

Then this afternoon we went up to the Marriott Center at 5:30 and got in our appointed place in line. The doors opened at 6:00 and the student section was soon completely flooded with people. 

And then we waited. 

Because you see, the game didn't actually start until 8:15. So we had a long time to sit. And wait. 

And have dance parties in our seat. 

Finally the anticipated moment came: Tip off. 

During SDSU's first possession we made them run out the shot clock which began a pattern of what would be a great night of defense during which we of course yelled and shouted at every SDSU possession. 

It was such an intense first half. The ball went back and forth and so did the score. They led by two, we tied them, we led by two, they tied it, we led by two, they tied it, they led by one. You get the picture.  Going into the half we were down by one. :(

But our boys came back ready for the second half. We were ready too. 

They hit some solid baskets and never fell behind again. Slowly and steadily they gained. 

We yelled more. Jimmer Fredette had two 7 point scoring runs and took 43 points total. 

BYU played crazy good defense. The refs made some lousy calls and missed some obvious ones. San Diego kept fighting. Though at the end of the day the Cougars were just meant to take this one. 

I had so much adrenaline going. And I guarantee my throat will be hoarse tomorrow. 

But it was worth all the craziness of wristbands, the waiting for hours and all the standing and yelling and anxiety to be there for this: 

SDSU, You got Jimmered.
[yep. it's a verb now.]

An Invincible Summer

This is a screen shot from weather.com taken January 10, 2011 immediately after my arrival at school. Note the "feels like". That is a single digit. Eww. Also worth noting, the high for the day ended up being 19 degrees. That is NOT a high. Today I was talking with some friends and we were saying that it was supposed to be 37 degrees so not too cold. It's pathetic when I think that 37 degrees is a warmer day. 

Luckily, my parents equipped me with good tires and taught me to drive when it is slick. That morning of the 10 degrees there was a poor girl stuck in my parking lot in the morning. 

However, even with proper preparation, all concerns about my personal attractiveness have now become obsolete and I am a walking marshmallow with a skittle necklace. Or something like that.  

Really, I just hate the winter. I know I promised I was going to try to like it more but I'm just craving spring. I want warm sunshine. I want sandals. I want green. I want birds singing. 

It's just the grey days and cold mornings and bitter wind just wear on me. It doesn't just make me cold on the outside but it makes me cold on the inside. My mood gets grumpy and sad and frustrated and anxious and impatient and lonely. 

I had one of those days last week. I had found out that a proposal for a conference we had submitted for the club I'm secretary for (Stand for the Family) had been denied and I really couldn't understand why and how to move forward. I had just been denied to BYU's MFT program. I didn't want to go there at all really but I started to feel anxious and stressed about my possibilities of getting accepted to other schools. I started to have one of my internal stress attacks where I feel like I will never be adequate and cannot possibly be good enough. And I was feeling the strange cultural pressure that BYU has to get married. I'm clearly not going to be before I graduate and I was feeling lonely. 

Really, I was just feeling discouraged. 

In between my classes that afternoon I went up to one of my very favorite places on campus: a side room in the Education in Zion exhibit on the second floor of the JFSB. The exhibit has one wall that is entirely windows and there is nothing better that being able to have natural light and to be able to look out across campus and look to the mountains. I like the side room because it is generally empty and quiet but there is just enough going on throughout the rest of the floor that it doesn't have that eerie feeling of too much quiet. There are huge green chairs that are perfect for studying in or curling up for a quick nap. Nothing better. It is a place where I can study, sleep. But most of all it is a place where I can regroup, refocus. Which was something I needed that afternoon.

When I sat down in my chair in the JFSB I looked up and saw a quote that I've seen many times before but that was exactly what I needed to hear. "Keep busy in the face of discouragement." What a beautiful thought. It was exactly the encouragement I needed to keep going that day. Of course things would work out. They always do. And in the mean time I could keep busy doing things that I have control over.

I won't lie to you and say that magically everything in my life started working out perfectly. But slowly but surely things started to feel better. 

One of the reasons is that I rediscovered one of my favorite quotes:

"In the midst of Winter, I learned there was within in me an invincible Summer." - Albert Camus

My environment does not determine my attitude. I do. Inside of me is a sunshine that shouldn't stop shining because it's cold outside or because things aren't looking the brightest.

So I started looking for the little things in life to make me smile more. And I started to find them. :)

I had this day.

And one of the reasons is because of these girls:

My roommates are totally weird and crazy [don't worry they know it]. But I absolutely love them. They make life happier. Whether it's watching a chick flick, doing some prank calling, picking me up in a snow storm or singing me a bed time song I can always count on them. They mean a lot to me right now.


And as I started finding the little things to be happy about I had such a good weekend. I went to the gym. We went hot tubbing. I went to the gym. I submitted my LAST grad school application. I went to a comedy at the Hale with my friends Christine and Heather and my Grandpa. Christine and I had a dance party in the car. We baked cookies and gave some away. We cut out pictures from bridal magazines and made collages. We watched chick flicks. We went to church. Aubrey and I took a fantastic nap in the sun. I got to sing in at choir. We watched Saturday's Warrior and Aub & I sang every word. I crafted. We made a full dinner for Tayte and Tyler. We played games with our friends from 228. Monday was almost as good.  I went to the gym with Aubrey, made a carrot cake with Christine, went to FHE and got hit with newspaper and made prank calls with my roommates.

I also realized that not only was it easier to be happy by finding things to be happy about but to be happy about the normal things I was doing anyway. Or to add a friend or a good playlist to something that might be unpleasant.

And then today was the BEST day ever. Okay. Not ever. I shouldn't lie. But really it was close. I woke up this morning and went to the gym and got in a good workout before 8:00. I came home for a quick shower and let my hair do its natural curls. But instead of going wacky it actually looked pretty darn good. Then I was walking to school and it started snowing. Right as it started to get hard Lyss and Dan pulled in front of me and offered me a ride! Not only did I get out of the snow but I got to see them! Work was busy which is always good. My capstone class was amazing as always. Then I was studying in between classes when Andrea called and told me that the ticket office was giving away ALL the wristbands for the BYU v. SDSU basketball game today unlike they had previously announced  and that  we needed to go up quick to get ours! She came and picked me up and drove me home because I'd forgotten my wallet and took me up to the Marriott Center. On the way I got a call from an Unavailable number. Because we'd been prank calling last night I expected it to be a prank call. Instead it was a call from the MFT director from the University of Nebraska - Lincoln calling to personally invite me to come and interview!!!! I was so excited. That's two now! We picked up wristbands, I finished class. When I got home I cleaned the bathroom, watched the state of the union and the music man and am about to finish some homework!

So even when life is grey and bitterly cold, inside yourself there is a sunshine that you can use to find the beautiful things in life and remember how sunny everything really is. The sun always comes out. Spring always follows winter. Good days always come after the bad ones. In the mean time the best way to see the good things is to keep busy and look for and do the little things that make life so good.

So for the next two and a half months until the real sun comes back I'm going to focus on the invincible summer within me.

I'm not counting...

I'm not counting...

But if I was, I could tell you how many days are left until graduation. 

Who am I kidding? I'm totally counting.

13 weeks, 91 days. 

Life is good today

I slept until 8:45.

My hair is fantastic. I got it cut on Saturday which always helps. Plus Aubrey dyed it about a week ago. It's okay if you didn't notice, it's not obvious. But I love it. Darker highlights so my hair actually has some color rather than being blah. 

I got a course substitution and a scholarship contract approved so I got to drop one of my classes. That means only 11 credits. And I like all 4 of the classes. 

My capstone class always makes the day good. Plus, turns out my parent's parenting is definitely backed up with research. 

A random stranger told me they loved my cardigan.

It was warm [relatively]. 

My roommates make me happy. Ridiculously so. They are hilarious. And so good for me. I love them. 

And I got this in an email: "It is my pleasure to invite you to attend our upcoming Interview Day for the Masters Program in Marriage and Family Therapy at the University of Rochester School of Medicine & Dentistry."

Yes, life is good today. :) 

Neglect (or of Finals, Christmas, & Grad School)

[This post is quite long. I know. I'm sorry. It happens. Really it's less of a blog post for you and more a journal entry for myself. Synopsis version: Finals were good, Christmas rocked. Grad School Applications are a pain.]

[Also, I've been holding onto this post for a while waiting to get actual Christmas pictures from Megan and she finally came through!]

neglect (verb): \ni-ˈglekt\

1. to give little attention to 
2. to leave undone or unattended to

I have neglected my blog just a bit in the past few weeks.

But I think it was justified. I've been doing so many things that I just didn't want to stop to write. Lazy? Maybe. More probably just picky about the priorities I picked for the last few weeks.

Finals were the biggest thing. Well kinda. In all honestly I was not particularly motivated for finals. Actually I had't been very motivated this whole semester and finals was really bad. I went caroling, baked Christmas treats, crafted, took naps. Eventually I did take my finals and they did go well. But it really wasn't because I put in a lot of work that week. Final Fall Grades: 2 As, 3 A-s, and 1 B+. I'm quite happy. It raised my 3.69 to a 3.70 which is exactly how I want to graduate. I like being an A- student. I am focused and work hard but at the same time I hold a 20 hour job, volunteer, try to be social, work out, etc too and so A- grades are exactly what I like to keep a good relationship between school and my other priorities.

Megan came up on Thursday night and stayed with me. We shared my twin bed and were both so exhausted that we didn't move, let alone notice each other during the night. This is pretty significant. As a contrast: here at home we share a queen and we kick and push and steal covers and roll and shove all night. We went to Cafe Rio for lunch [free meal!!!] and Megan helped me cram for one last final. Then I packed really quickly [aka shoved my dirty laundry into a suitcase].

Grandpa and Nathan picked us up and before going to the Hale Theatre we went to dinner. Grandpa and I go to the Hale about every other month and we always go to Chilis after for dinner. So we Nate asked where to for dinner I said Chilis... it's tradition. Nate teased me the rest of the weekend about me and my traditions. I partly deserve it. I really do love traditions. They give a sense of belonging and comfort. They are homey and happy. As Tevya says "Because of our traditions, everyone of us knows who he is and what God expects him to do." Now, I'm not saying that eating at Chilis in and of itself helps me know what God expects me to do. But having a tradition that helps me build a good relationship with my Grandpa. That does.

After dinner we went and saw A Christmas Carol at the Hale Theatre. It was magical. Absolutely magical. There is so much to be learned from Mr. Scrooge and the ghosts that come to visit him. It was also really fun because my friend Austin was acting that night. He's been a couple productions but we've always been there for the other casts. So I was very happy to get to see him perform.

We stayed with Grandpa that night and then helped get things ready for the Halls Family Christmas party. We were there extra early to set up since we were in charge this year and so I spent time playing with my cousins.

Talk about tradition though. The Christmas party has been happening the same way for decades. We have a big meal... usually ham and potatoes with rolls and salads and desserts. Megan and I sit with our cousins Brianne and Braden. We have a talent show. This year I did an interpretive dance about a seed growing into a tree with my Mom's cousin Michael. :) 

Then is BINGOOO! It was funner when I was little but nowadays I throughly enjoy playing with one of the little cousins and helping them do their cards. Finally the little kids get a gift from their parents and then we play a white elephant style game for the adults to exchange gifts. However the age limit of 12 has recently expanded this game to include lots of cousins so we'll see how it continues. All in all in was such a fun night. I love seeing Brianne and Braden and their family every year and I also really like getting to see Michael and Tristan. Lots of fun. :)



We drove home to Grandpa's house [with Jenni in tow who after working extra hours at the Bookstore could finally come home] where we spent a lovely Sunday sleeping in, making peanut brittle, watching Christmas movies and having Christmas with Mari and her boys.

Monday we drove home and the rest of that week was kind of a blur. Highlights: Baking Christmas treats with Grandma and Jodi. Becoming a human trampoline for Tater. Sleep, sleep and more sleep. Buffalo Wild Wings with Will, Craig and Matt. Watching BSU rock Utah in the Las Vegas Bowl at the Cowling's house!! Working out again. Secret Christmas shopping trips with Megan. Getting Mom's present ready and seeing her confusion when she had the most presents under the tree.



And then it was Christmas!!! This was the first year that we didn't have anyone who believed in Santa Claus and it was kinda sad. It was so much harder to get the kids to sleep too. We all share a room on Christmas Eve and this year Luke would not (or could not - it Christmas Eve, can we really blame him?) settle down. I ended up sleeping with him and Karl. 6:30 rolled around and the alarms the boys had set went off and it was time. We blasted music and waited for Mom and Dad to come and get us. We went upstairs to find our stockings filled. Then we had omelets for breakfast. After breakfast we came back together to open the rest of our gifts. Favorites: A Sapphire necklace from my Daddy (who thought of it and arranged it all himself) made from the sapphires we found in Montana last summer and this painting by Jon McNaughton. Mom's gift was a wall of family pictures, framed and ready to be hung. She's been asking for help for a long time and so Megan and I went ahead and bought frames and laid them out. We had Christmas dinner with Grandma and Grandpa and Scott and Jodi and Skyler and Kimber Jo and Tater. After dinner was more presents - I got a beautiful set of casserole dishes from Jodi! It was a lovely Christmas. I'm so grateful for the birth of Jesus Christ. 

Then it was Sunday. My dad was released as our bishop. It had been about 5 years and some months. I loved having Dad as a bishop while I was in high school. I loved knowing so many people in our ward differently than other people got to. I loved having a relationship with the Stake Presidency. I love that my dad was worthy and willing to serve. But it was time. Russ Snow was called as the new bishop. He will be wonderful. I am excited for what he and his counselors can do for the ward. Matt Cowling gave his farewell... pure and simple testimony of Jesus Christ and the Gospel. I also went to 3rd Ward Sacrament Meeting to hear Landon Dougal speak. After Sacrament I got to catch up with my good friend Paul. I miss him. We've known each other since we were 6 and I love that kid. He is doing so well though. Rocking school and trying out to kick for BSU football. :)

Monday and Tuesday were filled with fun with my family. We went to see movies [Tron is fantastic. I absolutely love the soundtrack. And I throughly enjoyed the new Narnia movie], went out to lunch, played Mario Kart Wii, laughed, played Settlers of Catan, tickled, napped. It was fantastic. I love my family. :)

Monday and Tuesday were also filled with grad school applications. You aren't done with those yet? No, not yet. My family can be quite distracting. And it takes time to tailor each essay for each school's requirements and to make it personalized to them. They don't want just a generic cookie cutter statement of intent. Oh no. They have to be special. And figuring out why I want to go to a specific school beyond that to be a marriage and family therapist I have to go to school takes some time and thought. Plus then there are the little stupid parts of every application process like calling and convincing them to process it so my recommenders could send their letters. But I finished some and got a lot done on several others.

An overview because I don't know if I've ever really explained all that I'm doing for grad school stuff. I am applying for Marriage and Family Therapy programs. I need a Masters degree to practice clinically which is what I want to be able to do. Continuing on for a Ph.D would allow me to research or teach but I don't think those are paths I want to pursue so current plans stop after a MS degree. With my Nutrition minor and personal background I am particularly interested in working on a medical emphasis within MFT. This would involve anything from helping clients and families with chronic illnesses, helping in weight loss processes, treating anorexia and eating disorders, and working to facilitate between the family and the healthcare context. There are some programs that offer specific training in this type of therapy and some programs have faculty members that work specifically researching in the area. With that in mind I am applying to/have applied to BYU, Utah State, UNLV, Purdue, Seattle Pacific, University of Nebraska-Lincoln, and University of Rochester. The next question is where do you want to go? Honestly I don't know. Partially because the application process with interviews takes so much that who knows what my options will really end up being. Ideally I would probably choose Seattle, Nebraska or Rochester because they have specific medical emphases in the programs. But of them I don't really have preferences [they are all worlds away from Idaho and Provo]. And there may be a lot of things that influence those decisions that I just haven't stumbled upon yet. So for now that's where I stand. Applying, waiting.

Tuesday night I went on a date with Craig to Buffalo Wild Wings. It was fun - I'm so glad to have my friends home from their missions. They have definitely been missed. When I came home I spent the night hanging out and laughing at my sister's friends [she had a HUGE party at our house].

The rest of break was the annual scone party at the Cheney's, playing games, beating the Wii, watching movies, sleeping late, eating too much, getting squished by my brothers who are now huge and dreading coming back to school.

New Year's Eve we had a family dinner with my grandparents and aunt and uncle and their kids. I love living with all of them. They are some of my very favorite people. They tease and poke and make fun but I also know how much and how completely they love me. My favorite is that Tater [who is 3] has finally figured out who I am enough to be excited when I come home and not just scared of me. He discovered that cousins make great horses ["just one more time"] and had me spin him enough times that he literally toppled over when I set him down.

On New Year's Day I slept until noon which I haven't done in ages and spent the day playing with my family. In the evening I went over to the Hawkes' house [He is president of the single's branch] and participated in a party they were having. I had a lot of fun. I got to catch up with John, a friend from high school who I haven't seen in ages and we played a bunch of games which are always fun. I got to remeet some friends from high school like Ben Smith who is back from his mission now. All in all in was fabulous.

On Sunday I played the piano for the primary. Talk about happiness. I love children with all of my heart. There is nothing sweeter than listening to them sing of families and love at home and of listening with their hearts. It was the best way to spend a Sunday. It was funny - the lady who asked me to sub prefaced it with "and it's okay if you don't want to because a lot of people don't like going to primary..." Are you kidding? I go to school where there are no children in my life and I hate it - of course I wanted to go! The evening was spent with one more family meal and me holding onto a sleeping baby cousin as long as possible to procrastinate my packing.

My flight home was uneventful though it was happy to be back with my friends again. As much as I didn't want to come back I really had missed them. :)

LAST first day of classes

Today was my LAST first day of classes for my undergraduate degree.

I'll pause for a moment to let that sink in.

[pause]

Do you want to know how I feel about it?

Confused

How the heck did I get to be in the last semester of my senior year? It feels like just yesterday I was having my firsts, starting as a new freshman. It seems to quick to be starting to finish already. I've been baffled by it all day. 

Headachey 

The office was absolutely crazy this morning. An hour and a half of yelling from a student who was mad about grades. And the line in the bookstore took me 40 minutes to get through. It wrapped all the way around the entire store. Awful. 

Tired

 Listening to my professors read off their syllabuses [syllabi? I never figured that one out.] made me quite tired. I can see several late nights in the library ahead. My 2 credit class has crazy assignments and we have 3 big papers for my capstone class (though no exams). More to come tomorrow. And though I love learning... just thinking about all the work I have left to do makes me sleepy. 

Satisfied

I can totally see the light at the end of the tunnel and I'm so satisfied with everything that I have achieved along the way. I kept my 4 year full tuition scholarship, held onto a 3.7 GPA, learned a bajillion, made more friends that I can count, had fun, laughed, cried. I have worked, gone to school, volunteered, been social, cooked, listened, lost 70 pounds, slept, and been happy. Not too shabby. 

Anxious

Graduating means leaving BYU (probably) which has become my comfort zone. It means going somewhere in the fall that I don't even know of yet. I don't know where I will be or who I will live with. I'm looking forward to grad school for sure. But it definitely gives me some anxious feelings when I realize that my time here is ending.

 Excited

 I am so excited for this semester. I'm taking my capstone class with my favorite professor. I'm taking a life cycle nutrition class which is why I was willing to do the entire nutrition minor. My other three classes are all in my major. I love my roommates. Dan and Lyss are taking me skiing and country dancing. I'll get to interview for grad school and then hopefully get accepted somewhere. I'm roadtripping to Rexburg. I'm visiting my sister in southern Utah.  I'm going to lose more weight gosh dangit.  I'm going to laugh. I'm going to be grateful for the little things I have everyday. I'm going to be happy. It's going to be AWESOME.

P.S. Super long blog post in the works. I neglected my blog all break. Sorry!