Monday, October 19, 2009
bottom.
Today was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. I am sick again. So that means missing work, missing more class. It means feeling miserable. It means the little bit of homesick that always happens when I visit home was infinitely worse. But I can deal with all of that. Really, I can. I have an understanding boss and great coworkers who will pick up my slack. I have friends who will take notes for me. I have a mother who is a saint or an angel or both and lets me call even at 3:00 in the morning when I am feeling sick. What made today a bad day was that on top of feeling miserable and homesick, I failed a test. Not completely. But close. It was really really bad. So now I feel bad about myself, too. I'm just so frustrated. I don't know what else to do. Especially because last week I thought I had a really really good week. I was doing everything I am supposed to. I was at the gym every morning at 5:30, showered and at work at 8:00, did classes and spent every evening in the library. I packed all of my meals each night and took them with me. In between all of that I went to fhe, attended a meeting so I can start volunteering at a women's shelter, baked cookies for my visiting teaching girls, went to the store for sick roommates and got ready to visit home for the weekend. I called my parents on Thursday just bouncing off of the walls, grinning because I was "having the best day." So why didn't it pay off? What else am I supposed to do? Something has to change because I obviously have to spend more time on physiology. And on my health. But what? None of those things can really go. So I'm frustrated with myself. Tonight is a hitting the bottom kind of night. But the thing about hitting the bottom is that things can only go up from here. And they will. They always do. The sun will come up again tomorrow and bring with it a new day with new challenges and new blessings. So tonight I'm miserable physically, mentally, emotionally. But I won't let my failure of an immune system or one physiology test keep me there for long. Because bottom is not who I choose to be.
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Hey Rachel! I hope you feel better really soon! And keep up that positive attitude!!! You are awesome!
ReplyDeleteSometimes the Lord lets things hit us at our highest points. Not to bring us down, or to punish us for anything, but just to make us stronger. There is always room for improvement in our lives, and if it is 100% perfect all the time, then how do we know where we need to improve? And I know you're thinking, "I'm doing all of these things, so why am I having such a crumby day?" Well, that's the beginning point. That's your cue to ask Heavenly Father what you need to do to start your improvement. :) Good luck, friend. I love you, and so do your friends, family, and God. I will see you on Friday!
ReplyDeleteI love Allie's thoughts!
ReplyDeleteYour awesome! You just keep doing great things for you! Find the balance and give the glory to God, like you always do!
You will feel better soon! Keep your wonderful sunshine attitude!
I love you tons!!