Growing Pains

You probably know by now that my little sister Megan is engaged to be married.

If you didn't know then mosey on over to her blog and read the story. It's cute. They will be getting married October 14 in the St. George LDS Temple. Reception in Idaho on October 22.

And just so that we're all proper and what not...

Blog, meet Derek.

Good. Now we have all the introductions and formalities taken care of. 

So let's talk about growing pains. 

Today in church the speaker told a story about her granddaughter who is about 6 years old.

One day her granddaughter had a terrible pain in her leg. The grandmother asked what was wrong and her granddaughter told her it was a growing pain. Her grandmother asked if she could do anything and her granddaughter replied "No, it's okay. I need the pain so I can grow."

She explained how this relates to us: You need the pain so you can grow. If your life is crappy right now - you're growing.

Can I be perfectly honest with you? I've been feeling pretty crappy at various points over the last week. 

Don't get me wrong. I am THRILLED. I am so happy for my little sister to get married. She found someone she loves that she wants to spend her life and her eternity with. She gets to start on an amazing adventure with her best friend right by her side. And he really is her best friend. They are so happy together. They have similar senses of humor, love to work hard and to play hard. He is a gentleman and treats her well. Is careful with her. He is such a good kid. You can tell that he has a genuine heart. 

But. 

I am also horribly jealous. And terribly lonely. 

I never imagined that my little sister would get married before I would. Not in a million years. I'm the big sister. This was one of those things that was supposed to happen just like it always did. I would go first. She would benefit from my experience and we'd both have adventures together. That's how high school went. And college. But this will be different.  

I know I can't dictate timelines. I just always expected. And now my changed expectations are stressful to me. It's weird to me that my little sister will be getting married before I have even had a first kiss. [Yes, 21 and still virgin lips. I know.] I generally have come to terms with my single status but when it's being shoved back in my face [sometimes literally by little brothers] it is harder to deal with. 

I feel like I'm getting left behind. She's growing up and moving on without me. We've always done things together and if there was an age requirement I did it just a touch before and she followed right after. This time it's going to be different. And different doesn't mean bad. It just means different. And I'm still putting that altogether in my head.  

So in short, a lot of happiness, excitement, a lot of jealousy and lonely with a pinch of resentment and guilt. Makes sense that I'm a basket case no? I cried for an hour last night. A solid hour. Just let it all come out. 

But the point of writing all of this is not to ask for sympathy or validation. Please keep the attention on my darling sister. She deserves the happiest congratulations. 

The point is that after hearing that story today in Sacrament Meeting I think I have a better understanding of what I'm feeling.

Here's what I'm learning:

"Life never was intended to be easy. Rather, it is a period of proving and growth. It is interwoven with difficulties, challenges, and burdens. We are immersed in a sea of persistent, worldly pressures that could destroy our happiness. Yet these very forces, if squarely faced, provide opportunity for tremendous personal growth and development. The conquering of adversity produces strength of character, forges self-confidence, engenders self-respect, and assures success in righteous endeavor."  - Elder Richard G. Scott

I'm having growing pains. And I need them. That doesn't make it any more pleasant or any less real. It still hurts. But when you realize that you need it, it changes everything. That perspective shift makes all the difference in the world.  Before I was feeling "this hurts. It's not fair. My life is not how I wanted and I don't know why or what else to do." That's way different than understanding "This hurts. But I need it. And when it's gone I'll have grown a little more toward the girl I want to become."

To summarize:

Growing Pains

by Dayle King Searle

Dear Lord, please forgive

my foolish, selfish tears.

Please understand

and wipe away my fears.

I know that this will help me grow

and reach a higher plane,

But growing isn’t easy,

and I’m having growing pains.